Shep's diary

Read a few of your posts and it was good to read about you doing so well and sounding so positive.
Like you, I was lucky enough to see Paul Heaton and Jackie Abbott. Had a fab night. Was feeling quite good in myself as well because I was a couple of weeks gf at the time. I look forward to the day that like you I'll be 6 months gf. Hopefully by then you will have enjoyed your gf Christmas and new year!!
All good wishes
LML

Well, this is my first post. Signed up today after reading LML and Shep72 posts. It was an inspiring start to this site. I would often take the P**s and think what can Gamcare do for me 'don't gamble' pretty obvious and insert a few more cliches and that will be the extent. Anyway I lost £200 about 3hrs ago but that is a small normal loss for me, £3k at the weekend was bad but try justify it by remembering a 1.5k win a month ago. I am at the point where I realise how much I have lost and can't even think to try count it all over 10yrs ish. First ever job was a croupier at a casino, also have worked in bingo, I should know better. I hide my gambling and try sweep the losses away. Anyway thought I'd post something but haven't even closed my online accounts yet. Look forward to talking/ discussing more.

Kryptonite close the accounts and stick around for help and advice. And we'll done shep 72. I thought I was addicted to sport, turns out I was just addicted to gambling. No where near as much interest when I'm not gambling. It's a pleasant surprise to learn of the England test match score and that its been going on for 3 days. Best wishes moving forward

Hi kryptonite!
Glad you've popped by. Hopefully you'll find lots of inspiration from the many posts on here.
Seems like you're taking a step back and looking at where you are at the moment.
Great start. The next question would be is where do you want to go from here?
I look forward to reading how you're getting on in the near future and hopefully seeing your gf days clocking up!!

I don't know what stage I am at , the signs are there and I have lost thousands, statements are just full of deposits or transactions at bookies , one day will show 9x £100 deposits but a credit of £500 and winning that £500 felt so good even though it took £900 to win it. I play poker occasionally with a few friends also but this has limits and is very minor. I am hoping to cut everything out except the poker but am unsure if that's realistic. I am admitting I have a problem but sometimes try to justify or downgrade problem to 'a bad habit' but the cost has been great and I want to go everyday almost, I lie about why I am late and do need money that I don't have. I see myself more as a functional gamble if that exists. I still can't think of not being able to gamble at all and my mind is still saying ' the odd scratch card is alright ? Can I keep 1 online account but just have a deposit limit monthly? I just need to stay away from bookies right. I tell you the sad thing is I've asked to self exclude 5 times and the staff have seen me lose a lot 'are you sure ?' They say as I ask for my seventh £100 deposit and see me chasing. Anyway to self exclude I was told I have to bring 2x photos of myself in, asking to Self exclude was hard enough, they just want to make it harder. I'm sure if someone smashed their machines they would just snapshot from their cameras. May have one more try at the bookies, finishing on a win may feel better or is it better to be at a loss on the last gamble ?

Hello Kryptonite

Welcome to the forum.

Shep and Little miss lost are a great place to start.

To answer your last question, the time to stop is now regardless of the result of your last visit to the bookies.

You have lost control.

I wouldn't say it was 'better' to stop on a loss, but would say it is probably a bit easier.

Identify with everything you write.

Unfortunately half-measures won't cut it. Keeping accounts open sooner or later will end in disaster.

You're in a cycle that needs to be broken. That's what Shep did, and that is why Shep is a success.

Well done Shep...again!

Well done for admitting your problem Kryptonite. The next stage for you is doing something about it - which isn't easy.

I would recommend that you start your own recovery diary like Shep, Little miss lost and many others. It can really help you and will be easier for people find you to offer their support and advice.

If you scroll down to the bottom of the 'recovery diaries' page you will see a blue 'new topic' rectangle, click on that, think of a good title for your diary and others can follow your progress.

In time - like Shep and Little miss lost - you can be an inspiration to other newcomers.

That's cool.

Best wishes

Glint

Thanks for the advice, I was wondering how I do my own diary. I left the house this morning with £200 cash, have left my cards at home and want to do a last goodbye, the thought of not doing it is not going well in my head so have to do this last one 'I know how cliched that sounds' it was like when I said goodbye to cigarettes but thankfully had vaping to substitute it. Need to find a substitute to gambling, perhaps chatting on here will be my substitute for now. I want to write to coral and threaten to go to the gambling commission as I still feel after asking to exclude 5 times I shouldn't have to go pay and provide pictures to stop. Reckon I can get anything from them? Yeh I doubt it also.

Ok that was foolish but splurged. Self excluded today, will close all online accounts tomorrow. Lost my £200 but that's it ready for my first step

Hi shep,
Good to hear from you and your advice.
At the moment I'm paying minimum payment on my cc. Fortunately these are all 0% interest. My loan I have a fixed monthly amount so I can't change that unless I want to muck my credit score up. I have considered asking my brother if I can pay him less a month I've given him £100 a month for the last 2 years but I borrowed quite a bit off him so I don't like to. He doesn't know just how much of a problem I have. (I was going to write had instead of have but I know I'll probably be stuck with this for life - but as I said I'm feeling good at the moment!) I haven't had to borrow off him for 2 years so he probably thinks I'm OK. He knew it was to pay off gambling debts but hasn't mentioned it to me since. I just pay him a direct debit every month. Unbeknown to him I've had the loan and credit cards since. Not good!! I've taken on more hours at work since so he'll wonder why I'm having to pay him less!
Anyway enough of me. Keep clocking those gf days up and enjoying life - you deserve it!!
Li'l miss L

Tuesday,

Been a good weekend. On a sporting front shame to see Yorkshire lose their semi in the T20. Not been interested in the football, nor the new season really. Even though I'm in a good place I'm looking forward to my GA meeting tonight. Missed last week. That's the "magic" of the room, I'll go there tonight sit, listen and talk about the good, bad and the ugly thing this addiction brings with it. No doubt they'll be members suffering with the start of the new football season, they'll be relapses, members continuing their recoveries, then the newbies. Great mixture just to keep us all in check. People I need to relate to, people I need to support. A great reality test. So roll onthis evening.

Wishing everyone else is good. All the best, Shep.

Thursday,

I was cutting the grass last night, sounds innocent enough, but I remember summer last year where I'd be cutting the grass either with head phones on listening to live sport because I had money riding on it, or stopping to check scores again because of bets! It's often referred to at our GA meetings "the time we used to spend gambling" compared to giving up 2-3 hours per week to attend meetings. Totally agree! Even last night I was tired from work had tea, England v Pakistan where on SKY but I still managed to cut the grass, without the need for earphones! Thoughts like this shock me when I look back to how much of my time, take away the money side, I actually spent gambling.

GA meeting was good Tues. Some guy was 14 years gamble free (big well done) and he still attends a couple of meetings a month. One day I want to to be this person, but one day at a time.

Allthe best to all. Shep

-

Hi All,

Sunday.

Been a good weekend. Saturday morning I was put forward by the wife to put up some flat pack furniture for the gods old mother in law. So I arrive 10am her partner and friend sat in the garden picking out their Saturday race horses! I move on into the house to find a bl00dy 9 draw chest of draws.... So I crack on..... Around an hour later our lasses uncle arrives for a cuppa, he's on his way to the casino to watch the the Liverpool match! Tells me to get myself down there if I finish in time! NO CHANCE BOTH WAYS! I crack on again, finishing at 1pm. One happy mother-in-law, me happy to be gamble free!

Afternoon planned with my elderly father watching the Hull v Warrington rugby league final. What a great game, I enjoyed it 110%.....b******s to the Sky Bet slogan "it matters more when there's money on it" That's just their call for our money.

So all-in-all that result made my weekend and I'm not even a Hull fan. Chilled out today at home in the pi$$ing rain, typical for a bank holiday weekend. Hoping for a welcome change tomorrow.

All the best. Shep.

Hi All,

Sunday.

Been a good weekend. Saturday morning I was put forward by the wife to put up some flat pack furniture for the gods old mother in law. So I arrive 10am her partner and friend sat in the garden picking out their Saturday race horses! I move on into the house to find a bl00dy 9 draw chest of draws.... So I crack on..... Around an hour later our lasses uncle arrives for a cuppa, he's on his way to the casino to watch the the Liverpool match! Tells me to get myself down there if I finish in time! NO CHANCE BOTH WAYS! I crack on again, finishing at 1pm. One happy mother-in-law, me happy to be gamble free!

Afternoon planned with my elderly father watching the Hull v Warrington rugby league final. What a great game, I enjoyed it 110%.....b******s to the Sky Bet slogan "it matters more when there's money on it" That's just their call for our money.

So all-in-all that result made my weekend and I'm not even a Hull fan. Chilled out today at home in the pi$$ing rain, typical for a bank holiday weekend. Hoping for a welcome change tomorrow.

All the best. Shep.

Wow the 5 letter word (*****) out twice was beginning with "c" and ends in "rack". Strange! Believe me I wasn't on anything as strong as that to put the flat pack together! lol