So ashamed

If you were as bad a mum as you describe you wouldn't have a wonderful son who is headed off to univeristy and a bright future. Maybe signing up to Gamstop would be a big help for you. Keep your chin up, things are never as bad as they seem. It sucks being a gambling zombie, I have walked that path for many years. Have you considered trying a local GA group?

Day one and I will not gamble today.
Hi whereismymind, I've looked into ga groups but as a single mum and my working long hours the travel alone proves it implausible as there isn't one within an hour's distance (i don't drive). I have seen my doctor this week and they've resigned me upto healthy minds so fingers crossed that will be of some help I will look into gamstop tho thank you. My son is aware of my gambling addiction we have an open and honest relationship tho not of this relapse and I don't want him going off and worrying about me and his brothers. I think my biggest problem is I never till of late admitted to myself this is a life long addiction I'd be in recovery and believe I was cured haha I guess I wanted to believe I could handle it it's like I'm watching myself from the outside knowing the damage I was causing to myself silently screaming at myself but not being able to hear if that makes any sense.
Day one and I will not gamble today instead I am going to bake cakes with my youngest maybe a trip to the park.

Gamstop registered now if I can't gamble I won't gamble and all of my gambling is done on my phone. Thanks again whereismymind I didn't of gamstop. Break the triangle and it gets harder to gamble

Hi tt1980,

Thanks for your post, and well done for sharing your story with us even though it seems really difficult for you to open up.

It’s only by opening up that you’re able to get the support that you need to work through your gambling problem.

I’m also glad that you’re getting support from some of our forum members too.

I think you’ve been brave to own up to your gambling problem, and that you need all the support that you can get to overcome this.

How about getting in touch with our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, so you can speak to one of our advisers. An adviser can refer you for counselling if that would help with your recovery.

Alternatively, you can contact us on the Netline to chat about your gambling problem here: http://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline

Our lines are open every day from 8.00am to midnight.

I wish you all the best in your journey to recovery, and please keep posting!

Kind regards,

Beatrice

So i guess it's more around this time I get the urge I am thankful I registered with gamstop as it's about the only thing I can think of right now so instead I'm going to run myself a hot bath and be thankful today I have not lost a penny. I've been to my sister's and we had a good talk about it she even did my nails. I can be better, do better, feel better one day at a time

Day two ans i will not gamble today. Just getting ready for work and thought I'd pop in as lately I've been picking up my phone for a quick flutter before work (crazy when I guess I knew I wouldn't be winning in the half hr before setting off) received my pay slip this morn and a wave of relief came over me knowing I will be paying my bills and not fighting to find the money as I'd usually have blown the majority of it. Checked my favourite site and gamstop is in place so another wave of both sadness and relief another day of being better at life being better at me. Wishing everyone a gamble free day

Another day nearly over sat and worked my finances out and although it looks like it maybe grim for awhile the only way is up right?? Mentally I keep finding myself thinking about the reels haha quite silly when I say it out loud but one step at a time in the right direction. My biggest thing I think was gamstop as I know I can't physically sit here and gamble of which I am glad as the urges are strong right now. Going out on Saturday will be my first night out since February and I'm apprehensive but excited my eldest will be with me so fingers crossed for a good night

Hello tt1980, nice to see you on here.

Congratulations on negating your way through the first couple of days. It’s always a tricky period to negotiate so well done for getting past that.

Registering with Gamstop was a smart move!

I also found that filling my days with things to occupy myself with was the best way to give myself a break from the thoughts that gambling gave me. Running, reading and watching films/box sets were an example of the sort of things that helped me (and still do).

What also helped was posting regularly on my diary.

You’re spot on, the only way is up. You’ll be amazed how things can turn in your favour once you build up a period of time not gambling.

Wishing you well in your journey. I’ll be rooting for you all the way.

(You’re by no means a person btw!)

Take care x

Thanks Dan I've been making a list of previous things that have helped before and what didnt running and reading (not at the same time haha) both helped and writing I'd forgotten how much I enjoy writing. Can i ask tho (youre by no means a person btw?? ) haha
Day 2 complete and gamble free. Urges have peeked at certain times ie when I sit down after cleaning away tea pots ... once I've put the kids to bed all of which time I should have could have been relaxing instead I was self destructing. Realising how many people I have pushed away these last few months where I've been invited out or they've asked to call round and I've made excuses to ensure I had the time to sit in bleak non excistance without being disturbed. My son (5) actually said it was really nice I sat and played a game with me tonight for him to point this out saddens my heart that I let this slip in the last few months.
Today I've been a better me, a step in making things better and a day at being better at life

Sorry!!!... haha!

You’re by no means a BAD person!

Definitely wasn't implying that you were a robot of some sort...ha!

I have fallen into a terrible habit lately of missing complete words out of sentences. Maybe I need to take up writing.

We are all guilty of letting important things slip and letting our standards drop in the midst of a gambling haze. We let gambling feel like the most important thing in the world when in reality, that’s ridiculous. It’s only when you take yourself out of the gambling bubble momentarily, that you realise just what things in life really matter to you.

You have a great opportunity, like we all do, to begin correcting a few of those wrongs and upping your standards again to a level that you know you are capable of.

I’m sure you’re a wonderful mother to your kids. The very fact that you’ve acknowledged and admitted that you’ve let things slip with your kids is a big clue.

The journey is still young but you’re taking steps in the right direction.

Dan x

Haha thank you dan i think in the light of day us gamblers can be our own worst critics.
Good morning day 3, today is payday and where firstly I would have started the slippery slope of a day knowing I'd be money down by the end of it I have instead paid a few bills. Mr gamble 0 me 3. Next due to the rain me and my youngest are making cakes. I do believe the only reason I am on day three is gamstop as I can't physically gamble I've never been one for a bookies or casino it's always been online and for this I am greatful I can no longer do. I spoke to my eldest last night showed him the email from gamstop he said he was proud of me, he's going on to uni wanting to be a clinical psychologist. How i got so lucky with my three boys I'll never know but the very foundation on me wanting to be a better me, to be better at life

End of day 3 and a gamble free day. I've baked cakes. Spent time with my dad and bought a new fish. it's quite amazing how much longer the day feels! Mentally my mind keeps floating to panic thinking of that win to clear the debts (which we know would be highly unlikely even if I could gamble) hopefully these thoughts will fade soon as it makes me angry sad I guess the reminder of why I'm where I am.
Today I've been better at life, I've made things a little better as I have not lost a penny. Today I've been a better me

Day 4 .... and I will not gamble today. Excited for a night out this eve with the family my youngest two are at there dad's and it's set to be a lovely evening. The best part is that I still have money to go had I still been gambling I know for sure id of been pulling the covers over my head in despair at losing my wage.
Today will be a better day, a better me

Day 5 busy day kids 5th birthday party sporting a massive hangover. But I made it through the day and had a fantastic night last night. Tired Ted tho so this is me bath and an early night.