Hello,
I’m starting my diary here, and I feel awful, but still relieved. I have had a sinking feeling in my stomach, and not felt myself all day. But I have been a secret gambler for so long, maybe it’s good I don’t feel like myself?
My addiction has gone in peaks and throughs over the past few years. I got heavily into gambling when I was around 19, and only for a short time, I lost money, got bailed out and that was that for a long time.
In 2019, I had a big argument with my long distance girlfriends on a Christmas trip to be over with her. I let it slip I had a gambling problem, and swore I would never do it again. She was reluctant, but we got over it in the end.
Then the pandemic happened, I became addicted again, I lost thousands, got bailed out again, and then I told her. She was heartbroken and we subsequently broke up. This was the worst part of my life and I believe my gambling has been down to being a failure. If I had money and didn’t gamble, I would be living my best life abroad, but because I’ve gambled I never got there
I let it die down thinking I could do this by myself. I couldn’t, yesterday, my finances were shot, and I got to a point I realistically couldn’t deal with. I had to tell me family, but this time it’s the last time. I got half the help I need, but now I need to help myself, and also find the help of people around me, including professional help.
This is the start of my journey. I’m 26, with nothing to my name, but I’m going to make it out the other side
Hey DMCC95!
I am sorry to hear about what has happened with your relationship. I am merely at the end of my first day myself but have been in a very similar situation to you and also feel similar age 28. spending the majority of finances that i had saved to buy a house and throwing it all down the Casinos chasing that big win to make the dream a reality.
Everybody on here are so understanding and supportive and have really helped me at the start of my journey to rediscovery and a happier future. Keep strong and keep away from it all.
Andy.
@dmcc95 - well done on writing your diary! I’m only 25 & am now on my 16th day.
the first step is achieved, you have come clean & are on here for help. That’s huge!
keep writing on here each day, and maybe reach out through the online chat and look into counselling? It could help you get to the root of the causes to gamble and hopefully change your mindset.
take it just one step at a time, one day at a time and don’t forget to congratulate yourself on each day as an individual achievement.
it’s hard to work through and forget the past, but I’m starting to realise the only way to move forward is to leave the past there & look to the future.
Stay strong, you’ve got this!
I'm with you on this I was introduce to arcades and slots from a very young age my mum is a gambler I have gambled on and off for years spent thousands and thousands my family knew as they aren't stupid when I say the words sorry can't afford to do or afford to do that
I am now 32 and have still been very bad I had blocked myself from all UK sites for 5 years but I found the international ones and I have spent thousands on them
But I am not in debt that's the one thing I'm grateful for because the one thing I have been sensible about is that I always pay my bills I only use the spare money that I have, I have never not paid my bills
I have lost friends and family members also because of this but I am day 4 being gf now and I have never felt better truly
I have a diary and I write my feelings down now I have started new things such as colouring a jigsaw going for walks and runs I know it's not very everyone but it is working for me
But this site is really helping me it really is seeing everyone's journeys and just having somewhere to put how you are feeling and to know you are not alone in this because I was a secret gambler and never told anyone but now I have it has really lifted a weight off my shoulders
Keep going with what you are doing and honestly the group chats the live chats are amazing on here they really are
At 26 years old and you start now you can beat this and still have everything in life, i am 40 years old and placed my first bet when i was 24 i wish i had your attitude to quit at 26 years old. My advice is to be completely honest with your family and maybe if you have close friends you need their support to beat it. You will become focussed again and will be able to make your dreams come true by focussing clearing your debts , working on your career and no distractions from gambling, you will be able to breathe again.
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