A Sense of Direction

Thank you for believing in me Stace and offering me words of support. It really means alot! 

My Day

I was sensible with my beer choices last night. Just got 3 bottles of Bud. Nowt heavy. I had them and didn't feel drunk or ought. I went to bed at a reasonable hour but I just was not tired at all. I guess my body is used to blacking out drunk so trying to fall asleep natural is alien to it. However, I determined to stay in bed. I put a movie on and relaxed. I ordered a kebab and some potatoe wedges from Deliveroo about midnight and that arrived about 1am. The donner meet and chicken kebab meet were dry and it was missing any chilli or mint sauce that I had paid extra for. I was well miffed. I got some hot sauce outta the cupboard and kinda salvaged it and ate a fair amount. 

I started to get annoyed around 2 or 3 with not being tired. I changed from my onesie into my grey sloth P.j bottoms and I put a grey Marvel t-shirt on and settled back into bed. Still no sleep coming. 

I watched another movie and another. It was about 7am when my bestie messaged and I told her I'd been up all night and would try once more for some sleep. Oddly enough, telling her I was gonna have one more try was kinda the thing I needed to really try. I turned off the telly and the lamp and settled in and slept till 12. 

I got up at midday and put on some blue skinny jeans and threw a football trackie over the top of my marvel shirt and went to the sandwich shop. I had a toasted bagel with cream cheese and bacon. The bacon was kinda not cooked enough and it made the cream cheese sweat water. It was not a great sandwich. I took all but one piece of bacon out of the sandwich and I gave them to the dog. 

At about 1pm I went to work and took back my laptop and other equipment that I have been asked to return. I found this a real emotional experience. The office is cold and empty cos of COVID. Leaving after 12/nearly 13 years somewhere should be a warm experience with cards and a do and presents and stuff. It was not all that. I cried a fair bit. 

After I drove back to my Town, I took the dog to the woods and changed into my blue wellies that were still in the car. We had a great tootle and she was super happy and I settled down. 

I watched a programme about hoarders and this one woman was super sad. She was like picking seeds out of a rotten pumpkin because she didn't wanna waste them. There was an orange juice carton that was so blown up with rotten gases and bacteria and she was trying to tell the guy that she had a strong stomach and would drink it. It was super sad. It sparked summat in me though cos I did some laundry and got rid of some stuff from the front room that I do not want or need. It's just junk. 

I watched the Chase. 

I did 3 jobs tonight. 

I only bought 3 beers again cos I don't wanna do ought stupid but I'm scared not to drink incase I have another seizure so I'll stick with 3. 

Um. That will do diary. 

Drama x

A mostly good day. 

Got woken up by the alcohol support worker. We spent a spell working through a safety/lifeline plan that she's gonna post me. She was gonna post me some diary stuff to do last week so I won't hold me breath. It's nice that at least it's the same lady so I don't have to repeat myself alot. 

I went to the sandwich shop and took the dog with me. I got a bacon, mushroom and tomato sandwich. The bacon was once again not cooked very well so I kinda picked at it and gave most of the bacon to the dog.

A woman phoned me from AA and let me know that she'd given my number to two people from my town who will be in touch. She was super lovely and kind and I didn't have the heart to tell her that I didn't remember our conversation or even when I called them. I ain't looking back at my call history cos I daren't look at it. Anycoo, maybe's them two people won't phone me. Dear lord, I'm not sure I wanna go AA. Drunk me might have wanted to but sober me would just rather get my right mind back and stop being stupid. However, judging by the fancy cars outside the AA meetings at Church, AA people have plenty bucks so maybe sobriety breeds success. I dunno. 

I went to the park with the dog for an hour. She loved it. 

I did my 3 jobs tonight. 

I've booked a COVID test for 11.30 a.m tommoz as I had a hot flush earlier that lasted 40 minutes and made me feel super bad. I've a tight chest and my glands are sore again. Better safe than sorry. I've called my boss and put him on notice. He weren't happy but COVID has to be taken seriously. 

I had a donner kebab and cheesy chips for supper and a raspberry jelly for pudding. Made for interesting flavoured burps afterwards. 

That will do diary. Nowt else I can really remember about my day. 

Drama xxx

Evening sweetheart, you are a remarkable woman with remarkable strength. Reckon you were at the front of the queue when God was giving it out. I am so proud of you and ILYSM xx

I have no more to say. 

Fin. 

You ok drama ? Xx

Morning Drama. Hope you are feeling fine and ready to rock the weekend away.

I have taken on board your suggestion and started listening to the radio a bit more because I get an element of surprise which I don't get when listening to CDs. 

One of my favourite songs from way back is "Carolina In The Morning" by Al Jolson.

I love singing along and here is my version of it:

??? "Nothing could be finer than a calmer Drama Llama in the morning." ???

Best wishes

Stephen x 

Posted by: Stace?

Drama, I just want to reassure you that you have not upset me in any way shape or form. Anything said on my diary was nothing aimed at you. You've only ever shown me kindness and support. He said we both read that post wrong , and he was saying how supportive you are. I must of read it wrong , because I thought he meant the same as what you thought. You won't be able to see any posts on my diary now as it's hidden, but I couldn't leave it without letting you know that I was not on about you. I didn't even see your post in chat about exchanging email addresses, I would not have ignored that, and would of replied to you. 

My opinion of you is still the same now as it was when I first met you, I think you are one very strong, kind, supportive soul and I would never think differently. You've overcome so much. And I truly think very highly off you. 

xxxx

I'm glad to see your still posting. Have a nice day Stace. We're all good. 

Drama x

Hi,

Thank you for your support yesterday. I guess we all can get off handle time to time.

Im aware how different and difficult things are for you. Im not very good with advice in that field but i know that you're doing your utmost to keep your head above water...and that is simply enough.

Its the change which cannot be reversed and it's almost like learning to walk again..in already familiar shoes.

Im proud for your strength and commitment to continue be kind to you and taking it one step at a time.

Life can throw us many challenges and the puzzle it brings along is not easy to solve but we are doing our best. Not always perfect and smoothly but we try netherless.

Be kind to you and stay safe.

S&B xx

Thank you so much for you post S&B. It's lovely to hear from you. 

Your comment about learning to walk again made me cry but I am not sad. It's um. Like an affirmation of how I have been feeling. I am learning to put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on inspite of all the change. 

Thanks again. 

Drama xxx

Don't feed the troll. It makes them bigger. Don't give them your power. Ignore them. Totally ignore any troll behaviour. Block, report. Move on. They are snidey creeps. They revel in any attention. Plus they eat bogies. It's unsanitary. 

Just don't feed them. 

D. x

I picked these Happy Birthday  flowers for you Drama:

?????

Aum x x x 

Happy birthday drama ??

Have a lovely evening x

Lou

Hi, thank you for being nice to me in chat so sorry i left like that, happy birthday xx

Happy Birthday Drama!

Best wishes on your special day from all of us at Gamcare.

Enjoy your evening and I really hope you've treated yourself today as you really deserve to.

ChrisK

Forum Admin.

Happy birthday Drama ??❤️