This is self harming without scars

WB sounds like a tough day I'll have read back through your diary later but get them blocks in place always a new account you can find why not get some blocking software

KTF

Hi new day I've read your diary and it has been a struggle for you you seem to be leaving them doors ajar you need to slam then shut self excluding is great but a new site pops up everyday. Have you tried blocking software? Have you thought about GA? I found it a great help running along side with this site.

You have to do something different because what you are doing is not working.

What's different this time we will this be the new day you crave?

KTF

How's today gone hopefully a positive one for you mate

Hi been so busy with work I've had no time to post. No gambling, a few thoughts crept in but I've knocked them away. The Xmas before last knocked me hard. I'd lost a lot in a short space of time and then refocused myself and worked hard. Didn't gamble for three months, earned good money , my savings were at the maximum I've ever had. Still not great for a 36 year old to have to show for busting a gut working hard. Then a couple of £5 bets lead to a bigger loss than at Xmas. But I had more savings so it didn't hit as hard. Another few months off gambling and a good run at earning good money saw the savings go up even higher. Then from the end of July until now I've lost 8x what I lost at Xmas 2014. It's really life changing money that I could do with my business right now but it's gone. I've set a rough plan of where I'd like to be in a year or two and can hopefully recover from the money lost over the last year and in my head I think I've kept going with it thinking its worth another bet to try to recoup the lost money on the basis that I'll stop and earn well moving forward. I'm now at the point where I'm not willing to go down any further. I'm back to where I was a year ago last Xmas. In the past I've been so cautious/tight with money except gambling. Even throughout the last 6 months I've forced myself to spend more along the way and even started donating a tiny amount to charity to. If I'd just placed a bet and an advert came on the tv to appeal to help sick children or animals I'd text in and donate a couple of pound. My reasoning being if I'll just throw money away I should give some. I think my real issue is my attitude to money. I also don't know what's around the next corner like everybody else. I hope I can grow my business and become a

betted man, boyfriend and father. And gambling has no place in my future. That said I've felt like this so many times before. I hope this time will be different

Ooo how I associate with the giving money away...I tried several pacts where I would 'give' an equal amount of what I gambled to charity/family. This resulted in little more than a plethora of direct debits to ease my guilty conscience after burning through the money I was going to play, no more & then maxing myself out on whatever cards I had with me 🙁

Sorry to see you back in such a state but you can be anything that you want to be! My relationship with money stinks too but it's a lot less painful here in recovery. I see you have excluded but are you going to do anything different this time? Its no good hoping things will be different. You have the power, so come on, make them so - ODAAT

Hi ODAAT

I feel fully focused on winning the battle this time around. I have had urges this week but I haven't acted on them. I've thought it through and I can fantasize about a gamble free life and how relaxing and calm it would be. I put hopefully as too many times before I've put definitely and failed. I'm feeling down but fighting with everything I have for everything I have. Have a fab weekend

Hi New day,

Ive just been reading through your journal. I can of course relate to the emotional rollercoaster that is gambling addiction. I don't have any answers other than the sorts of things that you have suggested to me ie anything that we do that reduces stress in our lives will reduce the cravings to escape from that stress through gambling.

Gambling in my mind is (when all is said and done) a reaction to some form of stress.

Glad to read that you continue to fight the good fight. I will do the same.

Regards... S.A 🙂

One week today.

A busy weekend which has kept the urges low. Had a nice relaxing weekend without any stress of gambling. Roast is cooking in the oven, am about to have a relaxing bath and a calm settled night in front of the television. A lot more relaxing than last Sunday. I'm fully focused on the things I wish to achieve and the most important one is living for the day. Not always planning where I'm going to be in a few months or years. Time to start enjoying life every day. Onwards and upwards

Well done on one week,

OAUs indeed

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Suzanne

Thats last time I hit the 1 week marker. I'm choosing life this time.

Into double figures. Been very busy with work. But very positive right now. I will not let gambling take away happiness from my life. I'm work in progress. The lost money still annoys me and gets me anxious but I'm trying to forget it. The small positive feelings are getting more and more. I don't think the amount of days are really why, I can really see a better life without gambling. That said I had urges this morning. But I rationally suppressed them. Noticed I feel more rational. I don't won't to let that disappear. So gambling, you can kindly f**k off.

Two weeks tomorrow. Urges still there, but so are happy feelings in equal measures. I won't forsake the chance of happiness anymore. Life's probably beautiful when it's not being clouded by addiction. I'm going to find out. And I think it will be. Happy Saturday

A calm weekend. Didn't do much. Chipped away at a few of the tasks that get left when I'm in gambling mode. Feeling positive about the future. Still get freaked out when I think about how much I've lost. Not going to lose anymore. This feels like the start of a new relationship with life. Also going to start running next week

A calm weekend. Didn't do much. Chipped away at a few of the tasks that get left when I'm in gambling mode. Feeling positive about the future. Still get freaked out when I think about how much I've lost. Not going to lose anymore. This feels like the start of a new relationship with life. Also going to start running next week

Still winning the fight. Had a few thoughts of gambling, didn't act on them. Positive about the future still. Been busy with work, and going to fully commit to my business this year. Still have hang ups on the lost money but know I need to accept its gone. Or more will go! Feeling excited and content at times mixed in with despair of what's gone and the odd thought of gambling. Also treated myself to a couple of things and put plans for rewarding no gambling monthly