This is self harming without scars

Hi New day , I've not spoken to you for a while and thought I would just touch base and see how your doing !.

I can see from your posts that youve' had a few slips but are still fighting strong , gone about 17 day's now ? so well done for that my friend .

You said on your last post you still have hangups regarding the money lost ?, well you know what I'm gonna say right now ? Just let it go buddy , coz all the time your carrying that thought that your going to win big and get it all back I'ts just going to make recovery more of a struggle than it needs to be .

The acceptance of what we are and done combined with the letting go of it all , truely sets you free it allows you to brush all the rubbish away and start with a clean slate !.

You know as well as I that the big win , even if it came would be only a tempory thing in our possesion , because as sure as eggs is eggs we'd chuck it straight back in the hope that our luck was in and the vicious cycle goes on , enoughs never enough and we cannot win because we cannot stop !.

Use your time wisely and focus on life ,love , your buisiness or anything else thats important to you , except gambling !

I wish you well my friend , keep fighting and stay strong !

Best wishes ......................Alan

Hi Alan.

Still fighting. You're right on everything you say above. It's strange how it's only the last episodes lost money that sticks in my mind. Manger lager to forget about the lost money over my gambling life. Business is definitely taking priority from now on as is living life. Best wishes to you

Sitting enjoying a nice dinner on a Friday night. A busy and productive day. Thoughts of gambling creep in now and again. But I'm determined to beat it once and for all. I don't want to keep restarting my life anymore. And that's how it feels and appears to be after every gambling binge. Here's to a good gamble free weekend.

Lost £1000 today. I intend to make it the best £1000 I've ever spent. Self excluded from b*****r, no more accounts open. No more dreaming. Lost 50-60k in the last 18-24 mths. I think about 3k in debt now. Sold my soul to the devil for the last 4 yrs since I stated my business by working all hours and handed every single penny over to someone else. I'm to blame, cannot control gambling so cannot gamble again. Day 1 tomorrow. #stopbreakingmyself

Yes it's so devestating when you work hard to achieve something and then throw it all away. I did the same earlier this week. I cant believe it. I went on a massive binge after getting a dividend from a company I've been working hard with for the last year. Blew the lot. I wonder if it's a kind of underlying issue of not being able to cope with actually being alright for money? I just got rid of it. I'm trying not to feel it because if I do it will send me into a huge depression. It really was a massive relapse. I failed to stop myself. I know how to do it. I've done it before but for now I'm just quietly shocked at myself. Recovery begins again for me too. Uncomfortably numb.Like the #.

Thanks for your reply. I'm struggling to come to terms with my latest adventure. Dark times but we can only go forward. Hope you are are staying gf.

Still gamble free. But down. Tired of being tired.

1 week of no gambling. Just re read my diary. Reading my words over and over, saying the same thing hits home hard. Cannot win cause cannot stop. Don't really feel like posting. Feel stupid, and scared of my actions tegarding gambling. Biggest realisation this has to end. Cannot bet ever again. Also need to drink less, exercise more. Plans in place-again.

Keep going - first week is always tough. Chin up. Get your plan in place and action it. No looking back.

Dreams of gambling last night. Thankful they were dreams when I woke up. Felt a bit low. Feel positive now though and off out for a day at the beach. Had a nice meal out last night. Plan to hit the running from next week and get back in shape and with the determination to kick this self destructive habit and improve my self respect set some goals for the near future and beyond. A nice holiday at xmas(first in 5 years) and then some serious plans to expand business and recruit staff next year. Day at a time focus, trying to enjoy everyday and focus less on money. Feel bad from a financial point of view but should/will be able to bounce back and move on as long as I don't place another bet. Finally truly accept I have an addiction that needs concurring. Enjoy the weekend folks

Still no gambling. Not a huge amount of spare cash to gamble with though. I suppose I've kind of hit rock bottom in terms of money available to gamble with. I've been feeling very low at what mess I've got myself into. Gambling has been the one constant negative thing in my life. I need to make sure it's removed and start to enjoy life. I've made some plans to target. I need to forget the lost money and move forward, but knowing I had more money 2 years ago is hard to dismiss. All the hard work for nothing. I had however made quite a lot from my business without fully commuting to it whilst gambling. The works been hard but I could and should of grown it. Gambling gets in the way of that. Now time to see what I can achieve in recovery

Still very anxious though. Business isn't doing as well as it was so the money isn't building up as fast. Maybe that's what's finally made me tackle this though rather than being flippant. I'm still earning enough to cover expenses and a little bit more, head down and concentrate on getting it back to where it was and beyond.

Hi new day just been reading your diary and unfortunately your having a bit of a battle with things. Seems to be you build the money up then blow it then build it up then blow it etc if this was mortgage payments or rent etc you would be in a hell of a state but you have a decent income from your business but I can't understand why you still have access to be able to gamble? I have self excluded put barriers in place etc so why haven't you? Sorry if it sounds like I'm having a go it's not meant to it's just that you seem like a top bloke who has built up a decent business by working your b**t off and I want you to succeed 🙂 I also have recurring thoughts about how my footy knowledge can bring that big win or how if I could just get a run with my numbers on the roulette then it'll all be ok,sadly the truth is no matter how much I win or lose the story ends the same 🙁 in time you'll build your savings up and then you'll encounter temptation but you can and will beat this! Good luck mate. Remember we can't win cos we can't stop

Hi new beginning I don't think you're having a go at all. What you say is correct. I have self excluded but I really don't want to hand over control of my finances. However one more slip and it's something I'll have to do. I haven't told anyone about my gambling episodes over the last couple of years. I've had help in the past but the shame of accepting I'm an addict is one I'd prefer to keep private. Although I'm fully aware of the dangers of doing it alone. My gambling over the last year or so has been slightly different. I was aware id need to stop and had some good plans put in place to grow business etc and turn life around. And confident to do so and I thought I may as well try and recoup some of my losses as another £500 wouldn't matter drastically if I get to where I plan to but then comes the chase and everything's at stake. I know I can never place another bet again. However right now while I'm feeling down the thoughts of growing the business seem scary and the self doubt is high. I'm hopeful this will return with abstinence. One day at a time.

Good Luck Pal thanks for the support.