Thoughts of gambling earlier today. Felt positive for a short period fantasising about gambling. Pushed the thoughts away. As a gesture of goodwill MR G(gambling) who I've been continuously funding for years is going to pay for me and the gf to go out for dinner instead of taking any money off me today. He better get used to not receiving anymore funding from me.
You can't see me but I'm applauding your last post! Well done I'm sure your missus will appreciate it. Keep it up 😉
No fry up in the cafe for MR G today. He's sulking into his cereal. He's looking smug though, taunting me and he's pretty sure I'll be back supplying him with finances soon. I've not yet earned the right to give him the finger. That'll come In time. But today he won't be enjoying any gifts from me. And I'll be enjoying the gifts instead.
Had a nice lunch out and now for a couple of Friday beers. Cheers MR G
MR G was a bit too generous yesterday. I woke up with a bit of a sore head. In the past I would also have lost hundreds of pounds, going off to the toilet to place bets and keep checking results. Feel better almost joyful going out without gambling and enjoying my time. mR G is also used to me providing him with the funds to splash the cash himself but last night he had to make do with drinking water. He's still certain I'll be back to the good old ways soon enough. But I noticed a little worried look in his eyes at the prospect of me never giving in to him again. Today is a day out with the gf, no gambling for me today. I think it's so much harder to stop gambling spells when I start them but probably easier not to place that first bet. Thoughts still come and go obviously but they will not be acted on. Have a great gamble free weekend guys and girls.
Feeling a bit low and anxious today. Possibly after a boozy couple of days but anxious about my financial situation. Going to sit down and put a plan together later to focus my mind and give me something to target. No gambling, not too many thoughts of it. Just realising how much time and money I've lost. Years I won't get back. But have to look forward. Nothing changes if nothing changes, I want to change.
Let's keep that sly old dog on water New Day, and not the fancy bottled kind 🙂
Thanks ODAAT
he will be staying on water from now on. I think I'm going to join him on the water for a couple of weeks to help clear the mind and get a bit fitter. And MR G better start looking through the job adverts in the paper because I've made him redundant. I'll just racking up the days and everything should/will improve.
No gambling today and no alcohol either. Productive Monday. Heading to bed soon, rather tired tonight. Time to rest the body and soul from the abuse I've dished out to it in the past. Also been watching a lot of gambling interviews/stories online. I think this may help. Betty whites story was horrendous!
Another busy work day, not much time to think of gambling. Planned some exiting things for the weekend. Bed now zzzz
I'm not sure how many days I've been gamble free. This may be a good thing that I'm not checking. Around 20ish. Im feeling positive at the moment about the future. A year and 1 month ago I had the most money I've ever had in my 36 years on this planet. Approx 20kThroughout the previous 1-2 yrs I steadily increase the savings but had little gambling binges along the way however still managing to save. This time last year heading towards my birthday my head was a mess and I couldn't get the idea of losing 4K of my balance in a month or so. I still had 16k at that point but couldn't let it go. Approaching Xmas I was down to around 12k and after Xmas 10k. All the money id also earned over the 2nd half of the year had also been lost. Over the course of this yr up to August I lost all the remaining money and everything I've earned. Also put myself around 3k in debt-should have around 45-55k in the bank ready for the next adventure but in the minus instead. All that money wasted on betting. I believe I hit a turning point at the beginning of the month. I now need to fight and gift myself a life that I deserve. I feel calmer, more relaxed and determined than last year. I'm probably 2k in debt now. It's manageable. This proves to me it's never been about the money. The money will come again( through hard work) I work harder than anyone I know, I mean that! Without the losses and knocks to my emotions my mental state is kind of excitable, joyful. I still feel regret(okay a bit stronger feelings than regret) for the lost money and certainly for the lost time. Life isn't where I want it currently. I will recover now and see what I can achieve. I will improve my life and the lives of the people that matter to me. I will lose the weight I've gained during this last 18 mths, take care of myself and I will also reduce the amount of alcohol I've been consuming over the last year. This clouds my thoughts. I will improve the life of my daughter, She brings me such happiness and I'm so proud of her. I will make her proud of her father. Life is changing and for the better. But not one penny can ever be bet again, as it could ruin everything. I don't know how Ive not cracked up reading the figures above but it can only be a matter of time if I return to gambling. Damanging my mental health beyond repair is not something I can risk. On a positive note to end no booze for 3 days either
You sound determined,a man on a mission almost! 🙂 I think as gamblers in recovery we all have thoughts about the money we've lost and where we could've been or should've been but at the end of the day we made the choices and we are where we are. I'm not where I want to be and that hurts that I've not provided the things I want for my family but my time for regrets and self pity are over and I'm using it as a motivational tool. Words can be cheap though so only time will tell. Keep reaching for the moon cos even if you don't get there you'll land amongst the stars 🙂 I wish you well in your continued recovery mate keep it!
Good morning,
Thank you for posting on my diary. Great to read that you are feeling positive about life.
Best wishes
Dave
Lovely evening. Up yours gambling. This weekend is Mine to enjoy.
27 days gamble free. Felt pretty flat and down the last couple of days after a good/partying weekend. Looking forward to a restful weekend this one coming. Still know I need to beat this addiction that has ruined me for nearly 2 decades. I like the positive feelings I have through abstaining but the lows are fairly bad currently. Also aware that my actions are totally responsible for the lows. Still no easier to deal with them. Going to focus on moving forwards and putting plans in place over the next couple of days
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