Will power alone - Lets do this!

Dear Itmattersmore,

congratulations on taking the first step to end gambling. I am also at the start of my journey. You clearly have strength left if you are able to walk away with 'winnings' in your hand, you just need to use that strength to keep the door shut for good. Although aren't the words 'winnings' and 'win' interesting? Ultimately, if any of us had really won, we would not be here. We may 'win back' some money thrown away, I don't know about you, but anything I could win now would be a mere drop in the ocean of the amount of money I lost.

"I have gambled on a daily basis ever since up until something clicked in my head - I wasnt enjoying gambling anymore, it was very time consuming and the rewards never existed. Like others I would win some decent amount but then this never got put to a good use."

-- I can relate to this so much. I think this is because rather than a recreational activity that we can take or leave, gambling becomes a compulsion. And when you have lost so much money, it almost becomes like a duty that you have to win it back. But you are right, and I came to the same conclusion myself. All that money eventually went back to the slots, and it was like working for nothing.

I am rooting for you and I fully echo the warcry - we can do this!!

P.S. I tried to do this with willpower alone (and I am a very strong person, trust me, I've been tested in some of the most difficult ways you can imagine) and I just could not manage it. I have now self-excluded and there is a surprising feeling of freedom that I did not expect. The control has been taken from me, and for the first time in my life, it is a relief to relinquish some control. I feel so much safer with those doors closed and so much more authentic. I know that the act of self-exclusion means that I mean business, I am truly done. If I left the doors open, I would not feel as committed as I do. Self-exclusion is worth considering and is a good support to help you achieve your goal. Look at this way, if willpower was enough, you would not have a problem, huh?

Wishing you all the best!

18 days GF

Cheers for the support Lightsout, much appreciated. There is no such thing as winning for a CG, the evil bookies may lend you some money to look after for them but they know they will get it back one day soon with interest.

If I slip up then self exclusion will be put in place although I suspect that like most things there are ways around this. When i was at my worst I opened accounts in my wifes name to take advantage of deposit bonuses so pretending to be someone else is do-able if I really wanted to. This leads me back to will power - if I cant rely on this then I know I will find a way around barriers.

I had urges in the first 2 weeks of being GF but now I am feeling back to my old self and in recent days even forgot about the u21, and confederations cup matches that were on - these would definately of been a draw in the past.

Why would you NOT self-exclude? I mean, that's not asking too much of yourself is it? This reluctance to take steps seems at odds with the apparent conviction you have about stopping. There's a gap between your words and your (lack of) actions - which is a classic behavioural trait of an addict.

Is it because you want to leave the door open? What other reason could there be...?

When you say you will use 'willpower' - what does this actually mean? It seems that 'willpower' means 'trying hard'. Which, of course, is not a bad thing. But it's unlikely to succed, unless you've never previously made any attempt whatsoever to stop gambling - which seems unlikely, given that you are an addict and, at least on some level, have an appreciation that being a gambling addict is not a great problem. I assume you've tried hard before?

In answer to your question about 'willpower'/'trying hard' success rates, has spectacularly low sucess rates. But good luck regardless.

Louis

Hi Cardhue, thank you for your input.

I had a quick look at self exclusion a few weeks ago but with new sites appearing all of the time and the fact that it is easy to login as someone else I didnt think this was an adequate blocker. They should really make this process a lot easier such as a centralised self exclusion option that allows you to easily self exclude from all existing and new websites.

I quit gambling previously because I was found out not because I wanted to, I actually used to enjoy it but this is no longer the case. I dont think there is a gap - my words are that I will not gamble and my actions are very much in sync i.e. I havent gambled and have no intention of doing so. To me will power isn't just about trying hard, its more about changing my mindset towards gambling - I have accepted it isnt a way to make easy money (it is quite the oposite), I have accepted that I am wasting my life spending time checking stats for my next bet, and I have accepted that gambling dictates my mood which is not the way I want to live. I have spent a great deal of time reading peoples diaries on here and find these a big help in seeing the destruction gambling causes, I have also watched some content on youtube about problem gambling. Perhaps will power is not the correct term - perhaps what I am doing is some kind of self help.

Smashing day 19 GF!

Starting day 22 with no intentions of funding an industry that is ruining so many lives.

Keep strong and keep your money everyone.

UTV!

Well done ItMattersMore, you've got this! Let's live the free life we deserve!

I think if you've chosen a path that is working for you that has to be respected. The choices you make are up to you. I'm a big advocate of the one day at a time approach. I get what you're saying about changing your mindset also and it seems you have accepted a lot of reasons why you gambled and why you don't want to do so.

You may make different decisions in the future regarding self-exclusion etc. Who knows? The most important thing is to stay bet-free today.

All the best, Phil.

Another day chalked off, no urges to bet and more determined than ever to quit.

I have now self excluded for the maximum time at my old fav sites so should probably alter the title of this diary. Why did I self excluded? Just another way to show myself there's no going back - I am only going forwards.

Lightsout I am pleased to see you have chalked off another day. Make sure you are focused on pay day and take any measures you need to not give your cash away to the bookies (they would love that to happen).

Phil thanks for your support, I will do what it takes to quit gambling. Counselling and GA isn't really for me and I know people will disagree but I don't think I need it - I have got my head in the right place.

Keep going everyone!

Dear ItMattersMore,

I think you have made an excellent choice in self-excluding. You are sending the message to that poor, gambling-pummelled section of your psyche that YOU are now in control and you mean business! Here's to soothing those wounds by protecting them from being opened and reopened. It's wonderful to see your burgeoning committment to healing yourself. Yes, I am planning for payday. Got a couple of ideas to put in place, I have a couple of weeks to go.

Day 25 - Pay off some debts, Gamble all spare cash or buy my little daughter presents?

When I look at the question in black and white its difficult to understand how the answer was ever to Gamble! Addiction is a strange thing - the logic all points in one direction but we go the other way. Not anymore for me - had enough of being a fool.

To be honest (although I don't know you) I'm really relieved (as a fellow recovering CG) that you've made the decision to self-exclude.

All other decisions you make in your life are yours to make and I wish you all the best moving forward. Best wishes, Phil.

ItMattersMoreWhenTheresNoMoneyOnIt wrote:

Day 25 - Pay off some debts, Gamble all spare cash or buy my little daughter presents?

When I look at the question in black and white its difficult to understand how the answer was ever to Gamble! Addiction is a strange thing - the logic all points in one direction but we go the other way. Not anymore for me - had enough of being a fool.

That's a really good way to break the routine often when i was gambling there was no thought involved it became automatic, when you break down the action or offer an alternative we have time to realise it might not be the best idea.

Well Done!

Conradnose

www.conradnose.com

Hey buddy !

Remember our deal ? No one is staying behind the race ! We will finish this together ! Keep up the good work ! A very big congratulations for not letting gambling beat you !

Sars

A few minutes into day 27 GF.

@Phil72 thanks for your kind words.

@Conradnose maybe before you place your very first bet you should be presented with a prompt that says "Before you submit your first bet you must read a diary on gamcare, if you are sure you still want to place a bet then your mad but ok give us all the money you have, or that you can get your hands on".

@Sars27 it's on bud, bet you £5 I win 😉 (sorry I have a weird sense of humour).