Winning...at last

Hi stoneroses

Thank you for dropping by and your kind words.
So good to see you marching on and feeling better with yourself! You are right, the further you go the better life will get. Never forget that it's YOU doing all this hard work, which will definitely pay off in many shapes and sizes..for the better 🙂

Hope you managed some peaceful zzzzz and toothache is just a bad memory of last night (still maybe dentists apt would b handy to protect ya from future's waking up in pain.)

Have a lovely and safe weekend, be proud of yourself you're doing brill!

S x

Thanks guys means a lot for the support, had a bit of a break from posting, feeling a little run down from work last few days and got my final essay of three years of uni to start soon as it is due next friday been having a break from it! Got some counselling on thursday looking forward to that get a few things and frustrations off my chest!

Payday on thursday good to be able to have the majority of my wage to myself and hopefully continue to be able to save as moving out in next 4-6 weeks looking forward to a fresh new start in the city and opportunities, different people, good music, good food, living with friends should be great, just one last hurdle of uni to go then can fully concentrate on that.

Still marching on gambling free well over 60 days can't quite believe it, come a hell of a long way and feel kind of comfortable and relaxed that I no longer gamble. I still find anxiety difficult to deal with but get by the best I can.

Looking forwards best I can.

Another day of winning. Been for a long walk today which means almost 35 miles walked in just under two weeks! building up nicely to being able to start running again.

Going to try relax tonight then got two days off and two short days at work afterwards hopefully be able to get this final essay out the way 750 words a day from tomorrow and it's all done by sunday evening! not looking forward to it but achieving anything requires hard work, refusing to give up and doing what you need to do when you don't feel like it.

Payday tomorrow as well the majority of my wage is mine which is a great step forward from my gambling days. Going to request a bank card ahead of me moving out and have a little more access to money whilst my parents will still keep the majority of it, it is another small step forward.

Well done Stone, another day of winning and another step forward, it is the sure way to keep going OAU

Enjoy Pay day gambling free of course. It's quite amazing what we can do with the money when we don't gamble it away,

Keep strong and keep safe.

Suzanne xxx

Definitely Suzanne the days continue to mount up! Got counselling this evening looking forward to that get a few things off my chest.

Time to make a start on this final essay, just reading some quotes to inspire me found one by Churchill quite simple but 'Never, Never, Never give up' think that applies to many of lifes battles!

Onwards and upwards will be very happy once this piece of work is out the way!

Had a more productive day than expected yesterday got 1200 words written of the final essay which means only 1300 words of uni left! going to have a day off from it today even though it needs doing as i've been working all week, will try get it finished over the weekend.

Had a really good counselling session last night amazing how far i've come in a short space of time it's been a great help being able to offload and get some useful professional advice!

No gambling today almost 70 days gamble free enjoying the gift of recovery and an honest life

When I gambled i had good things in front of me but I was just plodding into the future handicapped like the addiction had put me in a wheelchair, now as things come together with hard work and patience the future is very exciting!

word count 1900 words down 600 words to go! very close to the finish line. Time to relax and watch the football and the boxing.

Gamble free, managing my money well, no real worries.

Well the essay is done! 3 years of hard work are at an end! 22,000 words written gamble free since end of March. great achievement Next on the list is moving out in the next month get all that organised! been working as well some of the weekend, felt quite anxious for some reason maybe stress, being tired, studying days off, not eating as well!

Gamble free, going strong two full calendar months gamble free! onwards and upwards!

Well quite a lot of money has been spent on deposit and admin fee for renting new place and first months rent shortly to be parted with! also will be buying odd bits for the house so i've had to be planning these things out in my head as before whenever i've spent any money it's lead to a feeling of wanting that back, this time though having come so far and being so determined i'm proud i've been able to achieve moving out and look forward to earning the money back through hard work aand honesty.

Going to treat myself to some new clothes this week as well.

Working 50 hours which is quite stressful but need to earn a good wage this month and also got to hand my last essay in on friday, got the rest of that day off though and sunday so can still enjoy myself.

Abstaining and starving the addiction.

Winning at last.

Reading some other diaries can be quite sad seeing people struggle with this addiction/illness. Hope they can find the strength, support and right formula to overcome it. Ive been in that place many times for many reasons relapsing and feeling like giving up and wondering why i always caved in!.

Im starting to understand myself better and cope with lifes stresses much more easier and the counselling has helped with that as has being so busy and posting on here and support from my parents and treating myself to clothes and nights out occasionaly.

I dearly hope the last time i gambled in march was the last time.

I am determined and a happier person in recovery and I look forward to the future and enjoying the present.

A busy week so far loads going on but im happy with that! Hand my final essay of uni in friday. Will celebrate that.

No bets today around 70 days gamble free seems surreal writing that.

Just been shopping went with my dad to keep a bit of a barrier in place but to be honest feels good spending my hard earned on nice treats got a new wardrobe pretty much! Money has taken a hit on moving out but at least I have good things to show for it and not daft amounts of bookies pens losing slips and mental torture from gambling!

Recovery is something I am starting to enjoy!! I feel free and liberated.

Will keep working hard to cope with challenges and be wary of potential set backs and complacency but for me ultimately the gambling path is not one which I wish to walk down anymore!

Well that is uni done and dusted! 3 long tough years so proud and happy to have finished it, despite suffering in a previous job and a gambling addiction for the first two years I have come through the otherside, i have been gamble free whenever any uni work has been due and particularly since the end of march where the workload was very intense! From feedback i've had and marks so far I am going to be very close to achieving a first!

Got the weekend off to relax and move some stuff to my new place where I can spend time with housemates, other friends and continute to move forward and enjoy life.

I am enjoying the ride and looking forward to remaining gamble free!

The days gamble free continue to mount up, i've spent quite a lot on moving out and new clothes and reducing debts the last few days which feels good but also been tough to adjust to as previously in the past when i've spent any large sums of money or particulalry more money than usual i've gambled it to 'win it back' but I knew these thoughts would come and i've planned for them.

Also as moving out 2hrs from home i've ordered and got a bank card as seems like a practical step, not having access to large amounts of money and very much baby steps at the moment, this has been difficult to adjust to as again it leads to automatic, ingrained thoughts and more urges to bet but I again spoke with my counsellor about this and have prepared mentally for this situation. For me recovery is about progress and being in control and although some may say it causes a trigger I feel after a period of adjustment it will become more normal to carry a bank card and spend money than it will to think about gambling. It's not something I have taken lightly it has taken me roughly 75 days or so gamble free to build up to this.

I have unexpectedly had free time where I could have gambled or passed a bookies in a new area at work, or when coping with the stresses of all my uni work etc, challenges always crop up during this complex path of recovery! its how you prepare and cope with these, I no longer wish to gamble and see gambling as a negative and a future of hope which keeps me safe.

Glad to have finished uni and it's great to be able to unwind in the evening, planning on starting running soon and also to look for a better paid job that reflects the hard work i've put in professionally and studying. Looking forward to sharing these things with my counsellor next week and going from strength to strength. My parents also continue to support me and can see the honest way I am trying to live my life. When I first started my counselling I said I wanted to finish the uni year gamble free and to my best potential, reduce my debts and move out with friends I have been true to my word, which feels great with gambling I dont think any of those would have been possible.

I am moving forward with my life and do not wish to walk down the dark lonely shameful path of addiction and gambling. I walked in those shoes for too long and I want the most I can get from my life.

Onwards and upwards.

Hey Stone,

Wow!!! Look at that positivity and determination in your post 😉 really nice to read and That light you carry shines over whole forum.

You are doing it and most importantly - YOU recognising it! Am very chuffed for you, keep moving forward, no looking back, your future is in your hands and as far as i can see, you are definitely on the right path!

Way to go, keep making the right choice and be proud..you're worth it!

Day at a time

S x

Thanks Sandra! Great words for me to read! So its been a long two weeks with moving stuff to new place, commuting to and from home and work! 50 hours worked last week and same this week but need the money to make up for what Ive spent on clothes and moving and paying debts off!

Least i dont need the money for money ive lost gambling which was always the case over the years living in that vicious cycle!!

Day off today got a few jobs to do and playing footy tonight but aside from that will just be eating and chilling out maybe watch the cricket this afternoon.

Life is less stressful, im much calmer, relaxed and although urges have been a little more at times recently I continue to use the strength and resilience I have built up, remember the painful nature of gambling and try to use the coping skills I have developed through counselling!

78 days and counting without a single penny spent on gambling.