Hi to all the families of compulsive gamblers,
I am a compulisve gambler myself and have just been reading some of your stories as i thought it would help me to see another angle on things. I have lied to my family many times in the past, I have seen the heartbreak in my parents eyes as I slipped further and further into the addiction. I have taken a bailout from my girlfriend which made me feel so worthless. Two weeks ago I was driven to the point of near suicide and decided I needed to come completely clean about everything, so told all my loved ones about the full extent of my debts etc. I started seeing a counsellor (luckily we have a free addiction counselling service at uni) and she has told me that addiction thrives on secracy and that now I have been completely transparrent about everything I can start to turn my life around.
However, after reading posts on here, I can't find anyone with success stories. I have never stolen to fund my addiction and I don't feel my personality has changed - my family would still say that I'm a kind and loving person, just one that is dealing with a crippling addiction. But now I feel as though maybe I should just end things with my girlfriend and save her years of future pain? Maybe I'm destined to become a stealing manipulative man. Maybe this wave of optimism I'm on at the moment is only temporary and I actually can't ever be free of this addiction. I'm now left feeling very scared again. I'm worried for myself and those around me. I'm determined to be the loving partner and good son that many of you have unfortunately lost, but can it be done? I really hope my future self can come back on here in a few years and write 'yes it can be done!' I'm sorry to my loved ones for all the pain I've caused. I'm sorry to all of you reading this. I just hope I can change and I hope I can prove to anyone reading this, who is currently doubting me, that they were wrong to do so. I won't be another disappointment. I will be a good son and I will be a loving partner. I will go to sleep tomorrow with another day gamble free under my belt and as long as i keep doing that I can be whoever I want to be. **** anyone that tells me any different
Hi Lego
Only just seen your post 🙂
Its true there are many sad stories on this forum but theres also people who are in recovery and have gone on to lead good gamble free lives and so can you. My son is in denial and so are many cg's but you aren't you want to recover theres a massive difference between denial and wanting recovery.
Read the success stories see what these people have done to help them recover. Go to GA, call Gamcare to get counselling as well as your uni counsellor, get as much support as you can. Theres many things you can do on a practial level to physically stop you from gambling, the time,location, money triangle to start with, blocking software, self exclussion, give financial control to someone else, learn as much as you can. Ask for advice on the recovery and success stories part of the forum, there will be lots of people there who can help.
Try not to dwell on the negatives, you dont have to be one of them , if you do everything possible to beat this addicitioin it can be done.
My son has had moments where he was suicidal, I saw how very distressed he was, if you ever feel like that again call the Samaritans, Gamcare, your parents, anyone, you are not on your own. You have people who love you, if you have dark moments like this again try and think of them. Speaking from a mums point of view I hope that if my son ever feels this way again he talks to me, Im sure your mum would say the same, she'd feel far worse if she thought you couldnt go to her.
You can be one one of the success stories, you can have a fantastic healthy, gamble free life, just keep doing what ever you need to do to beat this and just take it one day at a time. One day in years to come this will be nothing but a distant memory .
Take care
Hi Lego
Im the mom of a compulsive gambler. My son is 27 and has been gambling compulsively since he was 18. Firstly this has nothing to do with being a good son... you love your parents and they love you. This isn't a moral issue... it is a disease. I know my son didn't ask for this but unfortunately it is down to him to manage it and that is the hard part!
My son also contemplated suicide ( a few times ) as this addiction can make you so desperate. As loved ones of CGs what we so desperately want is for you to be able to live the life you deserve. When you are watching this from our side it is so heart breaking.
You are doing all you can but do not underestimate this addiction. It can rear its ugly head anytime. It loves nothing more than to screw you over and to keep you living in addiction h**l.
My son is now working a recovery through GA. He feels that has helped him the most and said that this is something he will do for the rest of his life. I am thrilled for him as this is the first time in years that I have seen him at peace with himself. As his mom that is the greatest gift I could wish for:)
Take Care Lego
Cathyx
You can absoloutely do it! As long as theres still a glimmer of determination inside you, and your loved ones are helping, its yours for the taking.
The fact that your trying to help people on the other side of the coin is corageous, and there are mamy that appreciate that. It almost gives us an insite to what our loved ones are going through, which helps us to help them.
Stay strong buddy.
Thanks all. Sorry if my original post sounded ranty. I'm going to start going much more regularly to GA meetings as most seem to advise them. I have a diary in the 'recovery diaries' section, so if it helps to know what CGs think, then feel free to leave comments. I will continue to follow some of your threads as a reminder that gambling can break the hearts of those around me as well as my own. I hope you all manage to find peace and i hope the gamblers in your lives find the strength to begin to tackle their problems.
Lego,
We spoke on my previous post and I hope it wasn't reading my story that's set you off feeling so scared and unsure.
Let me reassure you that you are not my husband. You have recognised your problem. You are committed to getting help. You really want to make those changes and have a happier and brighter future with your loved ones. That makes you better from the start in my eyes.
As you continue to find your new way through your counselling you will get stronger and more settled. Your determination will guide you through and help you make the right choices. Please don't get down....look forward, stay positive and keep going....you will do it.
If you'd like to stay intouch then I'd be happy to.
Have faith in yourself and you can do anything if you want it badly enough.
Take care and good luck
Sad x
Lego,
It's not hope that's lacking, it's shortcuts. Recovery means never gambling again plus reversing the corrupted thought processes that go with addiction, described by AA as "Stinking Thinking". It's doable, life can be normal and happy and productive, but getting there takes hard work on self and continued maintenance.
Hope, yes, quick fixes, no.
CW
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