Hi all, those that have been on here for some time may remember me. Those that dont, i am a mother of a gambler.
I followed all the "rules" when i realised what my son was doing. Typical cg behaviour....getting in debt, lying,stealing etc.
I got help from gamcare. I had counselling, and it was brilliant. Made me strong enough to cope and to understand it wasnt my fault. I cant recommend it highly enough. My son started counselling but didnt continue. His choice.
The reason i am writing now is to say that gamblers are people! Individuals that use gambling for whatever reason to fulfill something.I still believe (although my son doesnt agree) that in my sons case it was the death of his father that is the void he was trying to fill. It is not about money.
Anyway, i didnt do as people advised me, when my son stole from me...and report him to the police. I didnt want him to have a criminal record for life! I know that gamblers need to feel the consequences of their actions, but as a mother, i felt my duty to protect him was stronger. He has cost me 100's of pounds, that i cant afford. But i struggled through, somehow.
I gave him love, understanding,and kept doing so even when things looked bad. My friends thought i was mad.
Whether by luck, or not. It worked.
He is 21 next week. He is working. He is happy. I think he does have small bets on football, or darts. Things he knows about. But he doesnt gamble on machines, or on anything. He doesnt waste every penny he has, (or other peoples money) on gambling.
He is a "normal" young man. And we have a great relationship.
So for parents of gamblers my advice is....Get help for yourself. Give as much as you can, but no more. And never give up hope.
Hi cornishkatie
My son is a compulsive gambler and is the same age as your son, in a few weeks he will be 21.
My son had the typical cg behaviour and after the last time he stole from us he was told to leave, hardest thing we've ever had to do. He's got thousands from us but it wasnt the money that was our final straw, he had become violent and really did think he could do what ever he wanted. Up until the last moment I saw him when he was screaming at me I was still telling him we love him, and please get help. I hope he does know we love him, Id like to think he does, but Im guessing he's still too angry at us at this moment.
Its so good to hear a happy ending, I want to believe that some day my son will want recovery but I know hes still very much in denial so we could be waiting some time.
We could not possibly of given him more support nor showed him more love and compassion than we did but for us it didn't work simply because he didnt want to stop. Had there been even a glimmer of hope he'd still be home with us. I think that possibly for my son it was his own illness when he was young that might be the reason he gambles, he was seriously ill for a long time, it was a very close call and hes lucky to still be here. Wether thats the reason or not, he can still chose recovery if he wants it and so far he doesn't.
I had counselling that Gamcare arranged and it was excellent, had the most amazing counsellor, I really dont like to think what state Id be in with out her help.
I really am so very pleased to hear about your son it gives me hope but with out wanting to be negative a cg in recovery shouldn't bet at all not even the very smallest amount, its the same mindset.
I can imagine how releived you must feel to see him doing so well, but the fact that he still does have the occasional bet it would be wise to be cautious still, tell him your concerns.
Having said that I am so very pleased to see another mum ( great news about Amoms son) getting her son back.
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