I've been with my partner for 13 years now. We have 2 beautiful kids (6 and 8) ,a dog and a mortgage.
I'm the highest earner, pay a disproportionate amount more into the house and bills and things for the kids, and he just plods along and thinks I need to do more. He struggles financially because of the decisions he made when he was younger has meant larger loans being paid off over a long period. I feel a real resentment when he says I need to pay more, especially when I uncover his gambling habits are still there.Â
He had a very bad addiction earlier into our relationship which resulted in him spending our savings, getting ridiculous loans and just financially crippling himself. I warned him when it happened that he would make life harder for not just us, but for himself but he still continued. His dad saw nothing wrong in it because he gambles every day...the apple not falling far from the tree and all that!
I've left him before over it. He promised he would get help - he self banned from shops and deleted his online accounts. And yet over the years I've always found out he's relapsed again...asking to borrow money from people so that I don't become suspicious. But I'd always get a gut feel and end up being right.
I couldn't stick to managing his finances and bank account because that's exhausting, and he's an adult. He even did counselling before but never stuck to it.
I've recently found out he's been gambling but gambling for his friend. 1) how dare his friend let him when he knows all the drama it has caused previously and 2)when I've asked before if he's gambling he's outright lied saying he isn't...and that apparently this doesn't count?
I sat him down and said it stops immediately. I've found out he's still doing it.
Reading through all of the forums there's never a positive story about someone beating the addiction. But I need to know, has it ever changed for anyone?Â
I am really sorry to hear what you are going through i was in this addiction for 18 years of my life i realised i had a problem back in 2010 however i relapsed many times after andi am on day 861 now the truth is very few people manage to stay off gambling however i realised these people are very extreme in their approach just go to any Ga meeting and u will see people being 5 10 20+ years without a bet and i have been in a number of different Ga over the years however these people i have noticed one thing in common all very extreme and have had to make huge sacrifices which 99.9% are not prepared to make when i did go i saw these people coming sacrificing home life even when they could easily been at home it become an obbession however 99.9% of people are not prepared to commit like these people and the few people on here dont have the same ethics has what i have experienced going to Ga by the sound off it your partner not even admitted the issue which is the first stepÂ
Hi
Yes It can change but he has to want to stop.Â
doesn’t matter how many times you ask or tell, if he wants to gamble he will.
unfortunately until they take responsibility for the mess and debts it just goes onÂ
I manage all money, my husband has a card that I put money on, I see all transactions.
he knows he can’t handle money. It’s a drug. Gambling was a coping mechanism.
problem is the more debt the more they think a bet will help but it doesn’tÂ
from what you said you contribute more so therefore he thinks it doesn’t matter. He’s got a safety net.
i stopped repaying loans etc. he borrowed from his mother and I refused to pay her back. Once their access to funds and fixing the mess stops they have to face the consequences.
its brutal and goes against my moral code but it workedÂ
fixing the mess, paying their share, helping repay loans etc is all enabling.
i also went to Gamanon meetings which really helped me and supported me emotionallyÂ
@merry-go-round exactly this you mention I manage all money, my husband has a card that I put money on, I see all transactions its no coincidence the 3 people at my local Ga stressed on this point and all been bet free 10-36 years and all 3 are regular at my local Ga i only understood this after my last relapse and if an urgue to gamble did come eventually not having access to money and not being able to get hold of money eventually become a turning point that will only work if u are actually putting effort putting an end to gambling am still learning and i know i can do alot more in elimanating the risk its no coincidence these people have been bet free for a long time what right is right
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