Partner gambled Christmas wages.

Hi Sar

I'm a compulsive gambler so am not an affected other. I can see the damage I've done to my partner over the years and so can sympathise with your story. I can also see hear that your partner is a good person who is no doubt called up in this illness which leaves all rationality in its wake. As you have reached out on hear and I do hope that others affected by gambling harm can respond, I would suggest clicking the button on the bottom right of the screen  "talk to someone". They are a team of experts that can really help you. You can either phone them or click the live chat if you don't feel confident about talking

I hope everything sorts out for you 

Stuart

Hi Sar, 

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds like you've been going through a really difficult and emotional time. 

You must feel really let down and hurt, which is understandable. 

Do you know anymore about your partner's financial situation? How long has gambling been going on for? Or was this the first time something like this has happened? It must have thrown you completely, especially because of lying about his boss going bankrupt. Never feel stupid because you aren't. An addict can make us believe this, but you didn't know what was going on. 

I have been in a similar situation myself with my own partner in the sense of him lying numerous times about being broke/money losses and the reasons for it. When someone is under the spell of an addiction, they lie to get themselves out of it, and it has a devastating impact on them and their loved ones especially because it breaks trust. 

I often find there are numerous stories before the truth comes out, and an addict will go to great lengths to hide their addiction until they can/have to come clean. 

The only person that can help the addict is themselves, so it would be down to your partner to get help and only if he is willing to. 

I would highly recommend joining a support group or speaking with someone at GamCare, and they can point you in the right direction for support for both you and your partner. 

I'm wishing you all the best and hope you can get the right support whatever you decide to do. 

Kind Regards, 

Jade

Hey Sar,

I have been with my partner for 14 months and for the first 13. I have lied alot to her about my gambling addiction.

It was easier to hide it from her at first, until we actually moved in with eachother and we agreed to split our expenses.

I have ruined alot of our planned trips , anniversary dates birthdays, not being able to pay her my portion of the bills, with my addiction.

The look of disappointment and watching her cry and be so let down by my addiction really hit me hard and I knew I needed to get help.

So I reached out to my local mental health and  addictions center and did an addiction recovery program, where I learned so much and will be doing individual therapy to keep myself on track.

Somethings I did was download gamban and I pay 5$/month and it's on all of our devices , so it prevents me from doing any online gambling.

All my credit cards are removed from my phone and I don't go to places that have alot machines in them.

If I feel the urge to gamble I transfer the money that I have in my account to her.

I worked very hard the last month to not give into my gambling addiction and my gf today was so happy that in the first month since we started dating that I actually have money in my account to take her out on our 14th month anniversary.

My point is , that it was something I had to see for myself, the damage I was doing to not only my partner, but myself and I needed to get the help I needed before I ended up losing my partner and I hope that your partner doesn't lose you.

My GF offered me so much support through this, she didn't make me feel bad but she made me understand that my addiction is hurting us and if I didn't change it than I'd lose her, when I realized that , that is my biggest motivation.

I hope your husband overcomes his addiction, but it has to start with him.

All the best my dear