I found out yesterday whilst celebrating mine and my boyfriends 3 year anniversary that he has been gambling for the past month again.Â
When we met I knew he a struggled in the past however didn’t think much of it, 6 months ago I found out he had started again and he was losing the majority of his pay check each week to the online slot machine games, he broke down and started attending gambling addiction therapy, had put all the blocks on and was doing well. I told him then that I would have to walk away if it happened again.
Yesterday when I brought it up in conversation I noticed his breathing changed and pushed him to show me his bank history, i then saw all the transactions. Whilst it’s not as bad as before as he’s leaving himself with enough money for necessities etc. he’s still spending over half his pay check.
Whilst I do have empathy for him I just feel so angry and upset that he’s done this again. I’m about to finish uni, am working 48 hour placement weeks for free, whilst  trying to balance a part time job and finish my dissertation. It’s my 22nd birthday in a couple of days which I have been looking forward to as I can take a break from the above, however that is now ruined.
I just don’t know what to do, I know I’m still young and people will say leave whilst you can, but every other thing about our relationship is perfect. We also have plans to go travelling early next year and our lives are so intertwined it’s not as easy as just leaving. I also don’t think I can emotionally cope with leaving him whilst trying to finish uni and my placement.Â
I know he’s going to put the steps into place now to try and get over his addiction and he’s full of remorse however I know it is more complicated than that.
I just don’t want to leave and spend my life wondering if I made the right decision, or if we could have travelled the world together and eventually settled down and he would have remained in recovery. I also don’t want to stay and for the same thing to happen again and again and again. So just need some advice reallyÂ
I am sorry to hear this from my own experience after hitting 1000+ days to become bet free it taken me 21 years to get to this stage infact when i did open up i did improve and my family think am 12+ years bet free it also depends on the severity of his addiction even thought i am doing great now and took me all this time to get to this stage i personally wouldnt blame u to leave reason being it not only affects the addict it also has major affect on children even though i am doing better now i didnt ruin anyone else life i realised the damage i was doing early on and it took me many years to get to this stage i know others will have other views usually the one that recover easily are not full blown addicts to begin and another thing during my gambling spree i never took loans out to gamble it was just my wages however i still ended going that far its a horrible addictionÂ
Els, this was my worst fear when supporting my wife, luckily for us she has relapsed and is ow 1 year free.
But it's all on then to want to stop, there are tools out there to help them but they need to own the situation and have the will power to stop. Sounds harsh but that's my view as an affected other. My wife grabbed this opportunity with both hands and hung on to it
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