Bad week so disappointed

Hi,

Are you following the advice given about keeping the time money location triangle broken? Take one away and you can't gamble. Actions count, not words, intentions or regrets. You have to do recovery for you, if you don't, who will?

Will power alone, with or without meetings won't do it if that triangle is intact, you're just undermining yourself. You use the willpower to maintain barriers that slow you down when the urge strikes. Or to phone a sponsor or buddy or come on this forum or find a meeting when the urge strikes.

People often go to multiple GA meetings in different locations. One person I know who has no other support found daily meetings to attend at first because that worked for that person...certainly ate into their time! Daily is one extreme but at the other, once a week at GA isn't enough at this stage.

BW,

CW

I still have a couple of debts that my girlfriend doesn't no about and I want to pay them off before I give her complete control as if she finds out she could leave me which would break me. I just wish I didn't gamble in the first place wish I never got in to gambling is say it's the easiest thing to get into but the hardest thing to get out of

Hi...you said you are worried partner will leave you if she finds out aboutt debts...and that you want to clear them first....i thought like that my love before hubby knew everything....the trouble is wanting to clear debt yourself could well make you want to gamble to try and get the money....which as we all know is very unlikely to hit the jackpot...or whatever...in the long run it will lead to more losses....so...big breath and tell her...debts can be sorted....give stepchange a ring and they will advise....i wish i could explain better how much better i feel now hubby knows....and i firmley beleive that this has really helped me be gamble free for over 80 days....better that you tell her now....than her find out....its up to you my love....but 80 odd days ago i was saying more or less the same as you....i wish you all good and keep fighting those urges....don't be sucked into thinking you will win enough to clear debts before partner finds out...best wishes xx

Yes, well, I've been in your OH's position, lied to and taken for a mug so I take a dim view of it. For the avoidance of doubt, the lies and deceit, from someone who is supposed to love you, are a whole lot worse than the financial losses.

If you're serious about recovery, recovery for you, regardless of what else happens in your life, then the way forward is honesty, openness and transparency. Quietly going it alone won't work long term, maybe you'll clock up a few days, weeks, months, maybe not. But quietly being gf without changing yourself doesn't overcome the addiction. And the damage to your relationship has already been done, it's just that she hasn't found out yet. Although she almost certainly knows that something's not right.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. It's doable, but only by you, for you.

CW

Fufc.

I sensed in your last thread that you are just at the first stage of talking about it. You are in the grip of a very strong addiction which almost becomes who you are

The spell needs breaking but your body is deluding you to stay in a comfort zone. Its just like a drug addiction

Without blocks and a serious control of you finances you will continue to gamble.

Did you not sense from the meeting that you could end up bankrupt, homeless or very alone

Its less hard if you reach out now and hand over control, self exclude and put effective blocks on.

Are you not fed up with the deep lows?

How low do you need to go before it really scares you?....because its set to go a whole lot lower than your comfort zone. Please do something more now before the shocks of your girlfriend leaving and bankruptcy come.

Its not so hard when you open up. All you have is honesty and peoples trust. If you havent got that you have very little in life.

Best wishes

Hi Fufc,

I originally planned to tell my wife in January, part of my New Years Resolution not to bet again. I kept putting it off as I thought the time wasn't right. BAD EXPENSIVE MISTAKE! Cost me about £2K.

Now she knows everything 100% the only way my recovery could work. I could have easily hidden a credit card back from her but that would have been an open door to gamble again. I can honestly say having the debt from gambling caused me to gamble because I thought I could win it back. That's why I'm a CG. You"re in the same boat my friend, please take note and consider the kind words on this page.

Telling my wife and all the heartbreak and tears that come with it was definitely worth it. Add this forum and my GA meetings, I'm know I can beat this addiction.

Wishing you all the best.