Hi guys,
Lifespin here. 28yo male.
Recovering compulsive gambler. I say recovering however as alot of you will agree..gamblings like giving up smoking. You can stop but doesnt stop you liking the smell of it.
Ive been gamble free a while.now and i dont count the days like most here.
My story in short..
Always liked a gamble but didnt do it alot. I rem.gambling at 17 when i had a part time job in school. Earned about 55quid a week back then for couple nights work. The odd fri after school i blew my wk wages and coukdnt go clubbing ha.
Fast forward to aboit two yrs ago ..26yo i started to play online poker after watching it on tv. Started to play and was ok at it. Lost bit..won a bit..disnt really go mad with it. Went on like.this for about a yr.
Then one day i started playing high stakes with 5pound/10pound blinds. Won a grand in a day and feeling i got was great. I proceeded to lose it however over following days when i was drunk and played.
To cut a long story short i lost 10k (of bank loans). In 6months. Sold my belingings. Lost it all. Eventually broke and told all to mypartner and family. Surprisngly to me they were supportive and somewhat not even surprised. They told.me they knew something was wrong and i had been acting strange for.months. my parents paid my loans off. I agreed ro pay them back every month. Which i did. The support was amazing and i felt so much better for telling someone. A massive weight lifted.
So fast fwd to now my grandad died last yr and he left.me 20k. I paidmy parents back immediately and now find myself in a strange position. I have money...security...the one thing i was chasing with gambling. Do i feel better??? Yes because.im free. Not vecause of the money.
I have realised it was never about the money. It was a physocological problem. I was bored. I was seeking a thrill. I wanted to fill a gap. A self.induced gap. I have have good job and a beautiful fiance. I looked like i had it all but at the time gambling was a hiding.place.
Ive since been enjoying life minus the gambling. And its great! Its the small things. Walks etc.
Reading here was help at my bad.times so i intend to give back now to forum goers and give advice as best i can and of course support!!
I might importantly add to this. I dont think im cured. Its finding who you are and what makes you happy...real happiness. Not a night of happiness.
For me thats what i needed. I dont get urges to gamble now. However i dont get complacent. Because i know if i allow myself to get low who knows what could happen. Knowing.myself though. Knowing who i am and enjoying real things and real people was what helped me.
Hey LifeSpin,
Thanks for taking the time to write this post. At first it's about the money and then it's just something to do because your bored! And then it becomes a habit to stop you being a bit less bored!
Like you say you can have it all and still have that self induced gap! Good way of putting it!
I'm just a kid with no real money worries...(well I didn't) with a super hot GF my 2010 car paid off in a weeks time from now, a good and decent paying job but yet in the evening I needed a bit more of a boost and would play stupid online casino games!
I've lost nothing really in the grand scheme of things (looking for a 2nd job to make up what I've lost anyways). I've mainly lost pride and a lot of my confidence/arrogance. Posts like yours really put it well about just how it's an uneccesary stress in life! Thanks again.
Hope your getting on good without gambling, I too am now looking to enjoy the simple things!
Reddy!
I agree. I have a good job. Good friends and family and a beautiful girl. I cant say i was ever depressed as such but always seemed to be a gap. And as you say i filled it with gambling. It could.so easy have been a book or playing a sport!!! Would have been alot cheaper! 😉
Ive since learnt though that finding a passion or even just doing simply things can get rid of the horror that is gambling as a pastime. Its just putting stress into your life that wasnt even there before.
I was lucky. V lucky that i came into money and was able to pay my debts and have alot left over. Which ive since added to every month by saving. If gambling taught me anything its that money doesnt come by anything other than hardwork. Gambling will nvr make you money in the longterm.
I completely understand why so many go bck to it though. Its particularly hard for those that are left deep in debt by gambling. When their monthly salaries are ate up by debt payments its so easy to think gambling the bit left is the only way to escape the debt. In some ways the lenders are as much to blame as the online gaming establishments. Theres no smoke without fire. I only wish loan comoanies did more checks on ppl to see if they have an obvious gambling problem.
To all those riddled by debt its sohard for them. Ive been there. Even once stopped they are reminded of the gambling and sick losses everytime the loan payments come out. Esoecially those people on low salaries.
We need to support them people the most. We will never get rid of gambling. For every addict theres so many that can have a flutter and leave it there. However i wish they would do away with or make illegal the online casinos where 100plus pounds can be done on one spin. That just doesnt seem right to me.
Anyone who wants to talk im here to support them
Hi Lifespin
I have been where you are now. You think everything is smelling of roses but when your defences are down it will jump up and bite you. I think within a year all your savings will be gone.
I know v different 🙂 but thanks for that!
Hi Lifespin,
Just quoting two pieces you wrote that hit home with me....
i, I have realised it was never about the money. It was a physocological problem. I was bored. I was seeking a thrill. I wanted to fill a gap. A self.induced gap. I have have good job and a beautiful fiance. I looked like i had it all but at the time gambling was a hiding.place.
ii, I might importantly add to this. I dont think im cured. Its finding who you are and what makes you happy...real happiness. Not a night of happiness.
I was speaking with my wife last night, who was the emotional one this time (I had only confessed to her the night before about my addiction and debts), see asked why... quote 1... is like part of my answer... it wasn't about the money, I got to a stage where if I won I knew it wouldn't make any difference, if I lost well there was always more credit on the card. I enjoyed the buzz whilst a bet was live, wether it was settled win or lose I would be ready to chose my next selection.
Quote ii, I'm not cured and will I ever be. I've alawys enjoyed a gamble but controlled. In the last two years things really got out of control, then in the last 6 months just unbelieveable. Strange but I didn't care i had lost 6K in two years, but losing a further in 6K in the last 6-8 months was my wake-up call. I want to find ME again, the happy me, the having a joke and laugh me, not the bloody stress head I've become. Stressed because I wanted another bet, stressed because of the lies and deciept to my wife, stressed because I was an gambling addict. I've got a great wife who I've hurt immensley, I've got 3 kids who are too young to understand, who I love and think the world up. There's 4 reasons I should be happy and not an addict.
Good luck mate on your journey, message me anytime. Cheers.
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