Hi everyone
Last night I spent hours on the online slots again and as per usual lost leaving me feel very low, tearful, angry and hating what gambling turns you into. I then said to myself enough is enough and if I don't speak to someone, take positive action the rest of my life will be ruined and I will slip further into debt and depression. I think I've always been in denial and thought I could stop if I wanted to but now realise it's not that easy. Here's how it started for me.
Up until 2010 in my late 40s I had never gambled, never even been in a betting shop then when I had an illness and was off work for a number of months I started playing online bingo which was fine to start with just spending the odd 50.00 pound here and there until one day I clicked on the slot games to see what they were. o*g how I wish I could turn the clock back this has been my downfall ever since. I got bored with the bingo and just used to log on to play the slots. I would play all day and all night sometimes spending hundreds and hundreds of pounds. Up until this point I had a healthy savings account of 10 thousand pounds and an income of 2 thousand per month. My bank account also had an overdraft of 1500 pound which I never used.
After loosing the majority of my savings by 2011 I decided and managed to stop for 6 months however by 2012 I had restarted and was trying to get my money back. I had good and bad days, on some occasions I managed to win thousands but gave it all back in an attempt to win all my losses back. So even when I won I lost. I would book days off work to sit and play all day. You may wonder what my husband was doing, well he was playing too, unbeknown to me he had had a gambling problem for years before I married him. We are now separated and whilst it was not all down to gambling it certainly played a part and caused stress.
I've pawned my jewellery in the past to gamble, I've run up debts on credit cards and borrowed money but no more. I have to change and start clearing the 8 thousand pound debt I have and start to enjoy life again. I feel so ashamed of what I have become at times, no one knows but my husband and I am too embarrassed to tell anyone and I know my parents would be so disappointed in me.
I have a good job and if I stick to the plan I can have my debts clear and some savings in about 18 months. Gambling also causes illness through sitting for long periods of time as well as the mental illness and depression it causes. I've managed all this time to hide it from friends and my family who would be so shocked if they knew. I've put on a smile but really I was dieing inside.
I've also learned that the house always wins and I do not believe in the RNG, I've watched it now for many years, I also think the government should do more and that they should not allow all the advertising of gambling that they do but that's another story which I'm fighting for.
Anyway thank you for reading my story I'm sure a lot of people can relate to some of it.
Good luck to all , here's to a brighter future
X
Hi Anon and welcome to the forum :))
The first step of admiting you have a problem is sometimes a toughie , the second step of actually doing something about the problem can be even harder , so congratulations on doing both we all know it's not a great feeling.
Online slots was never my thing and I alway's preferred the machines in the bookies , that being said everyone here knows the feelings you describe only too well , I don't know if youv'e thought about putting any blocking software on your laptop or Ipad , there's a couple available Net nanny is one you pay for or K9 is free and could help if and when any urges strike ?
I'm just short of a year gamble free now and the only advice I can offer is to just let your losses go , stop chasing for revenge and allow yourself to move forward to better place .
I wish you well and look forward to speaking with you again :))
Alan
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Youve been through the mills..and so have i and the rest of us on this website one way or another. Its really scary how this illness doesnt discriminate and can take someone like yourself who never even looked at gambling until over 40. And it shows the power of their marketing and tactics and the illness itself. Great advice above from the guys who know the ropes and i wish you all the best. Please hang around and we can fight this together..im around 50 days clear..not sure but its really hard road but its the pathway to a better life
Thank you all for your advice and kind words. I've downloaded the K9, I never knew about that so thank you very much. I'm going to keep updates on here, I've joined a Zumba class which starts on Tuesday evening. I managed to give up smoking March 2015 and that was hard after smoking since my teens so hopefully getting over this terrible addiction will be as successful as that was.
X
Sad to say I did it again, feel sad, been crying now reset the clock, here s to another go.
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thank you, I've not gambled today and been to Zumba and tomorrow I'm not going to either, still feel annoyed with myself for falling down but onwards and upwards. I am so glad I joined this site and wish I had had th sense to do it earlier, everyone is so supportive x
Day 3 and all good x
Day 4 off to work, I know the week end will be the challenge but going to try and ensure I'm not alone and have things to do people to see etc.,
Day 5 been stripping wall paper all morning and taking rubbish to the local tip, all good so far.
Day 6 feeling a bit edgy today and need to keep occupied, going to take the dog for a long walk, visit my parents and do some jobs for them , still wake up sometimes in the night with dark thoughts of how much I could have had but I know I have to stop these thoughts because they fry your brain, have to look forward and think about when the debt is cleared how much money and a better life I will have , keep smiling x
Day 7 did not sleep well last night and thoughts flitt e in and out to gambling, but I survived it. Here's to another gamble free day
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