Hi. My story.

Hi all, This is my story. I'm 25.

So I started getting properly into gambling after I turned 18 and was in my last year of college. Me and my mates would go casino every now and then and would have a lot of fun. Little did I know I would end up having a rollercoaster of emotions I've had since.

It started getting bad in my first year of university. I would get my student grants and loans and feel rich having onever seen so much money in my account. I remember, on the 9th January that year I got my grant through and thought I'm going to spend £60 online to see if I can turn it into a couple of hundred. Little did I know what would happen. I got it up to £20,000. I felt on top of the world, I couldn't believe it. I had never seen so much money. I cashed out £10,000 then lost a couple of thousand and then cashed out £8000 separately. I didn't know if I should tell anyone or how much but I couldn't help myself. I told my girlfriend the whole amount and my mum £5000 (I didn't want her to know just how much). A few days later the 10k first cash out was in my account and I gave my mum £500 of my '5000' win. That night I noticed the 2nd cash out was pending and I could cancel it so I did. This time it didn't go so well and I lost it all. I was gutted even though I still had 10k. I didn't know what to say to my gf but I told her the truth. I felt better after that but was still annoyed I had lost that money. A few days later I found myself on the same site thinking 'just another thousand'. It sounds ridiculous now. I lost it all. Everything I had went. At this point me and my gf were new together so I told her and she was disappointed but we wasn't saving for anything specific so i managed to move on and get over it, or so I thought.

From then until recently I would secretly gamble 1 or 2 hundred here or there. I am still with the same gf and I was scared if she found out that would be it. I am working full time now and we are saving for a house. About 6 months ago I had £3000 saved up which I was proud of. I had self excluded from nearly all online casinos but then noticed one I hadn't. Then the bug started again. Before I knew it I had lost all my savings that I had worked hard for. How do I tell my gf who is excited that 12 months from then we were going to apply for a mortgage? I held back from telling her but eventually she noticed that I wasn't being myself and asked me what was up. I got emotional and told her what had happened thinking it would be over. She was quite understanding and although disappointed, she stayed with me and said I should get help. Me being me I said I'm not going to do it again I've learnt my lesson now. I knew it was my last chance with her.

Now tonight dejavu has struck. Once again at £3000 savings and it has all gone. I've cried a lot tonight. I'm working hard saving then just P*****g it away on gambling. I can't tell my gf because that will be it :(. She's so excited for buying a house and living the rest of our lives together. At the minute we both still live at home so she hasn't seen me since it happened. What do I do? I don't want to keep lying to her but I love her too much to lose her :(. I keep trying to tell myself it's not that bad and that I'm not in any debt and other people have it worse. But I'm working for nothing, my savings just disappear. I feel like I can't tell anyone which is why I'm here. I feel very lonely and a failure.

Thanks for listening to me. I feel a bit better that I've got this out. I just don't know what to do.