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Last Post by stuart 1 month ago
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 Hawkinssa
(@y6d3wo7bua)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 
Firstly I am sorry that this is such a long piece but I wanted to share and provide the full story.
 
It was roughly around 18th March 2026 when I first started trading. I did a little bit of trading and then, purely by chance, I had a position open overnight and woke up able to secure roughly a profit in one trade. It was pure chance that I had set my take profit to a whimsical figure and it actually reached that amount overnight.
 
That money was a lot to me, and it gave me confidence that if I was methodical and careful, I might be able to make some additional money. I was never looking to make thousands, but even an extra sum every few days would have made my work earnings feel less painful. As time went on, oil was still rising. What I have since learned is that trading is incredibly tricky because charts never move in one straight line. There are constant ups and downs which make you question whether your position — long or short — is the right one.
Unfortunately, I had some sell positions open which I kept running. I was aware of stop losses but tended not to use them very often. During this time, the positions got progressively worse, and eventually the losses rose to just over £1,000 each. I felt trapped because if I closed them, it became a realised loss. I kept watching the losses grow larger. I was never margin called, but eventually I made the difficult decision to close them. That was my first major loss.
 
Through all of this, I have realised just how powerful emotions are in trading and how much they influence decision-making, both good and bad. A lot of it became panic buying, panic selling, or closing positions because I feared the market was moving against me. Sometimes, if I had waited longer, positions would have eventually recovered or returned closer to break-even as the market resumed its wider trend.
After this, I added around £3,000 from my general savings account in an attempt to recover the losses. The reality was that trying to recover thousands with only a few hundred pounds on leverage wasn’t getting anywhere, so more money kept going in from savings. That account was meant for things like car repairs or unexpected bills.
 
It became a constant battle and I still couldn’t break even. I have traded so much now that it is genuinely difficult to keep track of exactly what I put in and from where.
I think the next major event I became convinced something positive would come from them, so I put my full margin of around £3,000 into the market. No agreement was reached, and when the market reopened, my positions were forcibly closed. That was extremely distressing.
 
At one stage, my total loss history reached around £15,000. In my mind, I kept thinking that if I could just reduce it to a single-figure loss, or even around £5,000, I might be able to accept it and move on. My mind constantly rationalises things and studies charts trying to make sense of the next trade. I’ve followed updates and financial news obsessively. I’ve also realised how unpredictable and manipulated markets can feel. Sometimes major news stories come out that should logically move the market, and nothing happens at all, which makes you completely question your judgement.
 
Eventually, with no money left in my savings, I decided to pay myself early from my business and put another £2,000 in, which I also lost. This affected my personal income because that money was effectively March’s wages, meaning I had no personal pay and have had to wait until May for income from work again.
As the losses became bigger, I struggled emotionally to let go of them. I kept telling myself that if I added more money and was more careful, I could recover it. The only place left was my Cash ISA, which was supposed to be for a future house deposit. I know I withdrew £8,000 and another £4,000 from there at different times, none of which I managed to recover yet.
I still have some money left in my current account for living expenses, and some money still being traded. At its worst, my total losses reached around £16600, and mentally I feel like I’ve gone around in circles. Part of me refuses to let it become worse but another part desperately wants to reduce it to £10,000 or £11,000. Obviously, the more money you recover, the more leverage you can use again, which becomes part of the cycle of what you can gain or lose depending on how much margin is used.
 
Many traders online talk about patience and not closing positions in the red out of fear, but equally I know the danger of holding positions too long because that is exactly what caused some of the earlier losses.
Whilst all of this has been happening, my work vehicle — a mobile dog grooming van — broke down and required an engine rebuild estimated at around £8,000. That was devastating in itself. The truth is I’m not passionate about my work anymore and currently see it more as a means of earning money, so for such a huge repair bill to appear felt like the final straw.
 
I’m 29 and still living with my parents, and I’ve had a complicated background generally. We were all shocked by the repair cost. With my parents due to be going away on holiday, I refused to hint that I no longer really had spare savings available. I just had to say it's fine and that I will use some savings to pay for the repairs.
I did still technically have savings, but I had no choice except to use more ISA funds and some business money to pay for the repair. At best, I can pay myself around £2,500 a month before tax and National Insurance, so realistically even without the trading losses, I would never have been able to build enough cash purely from work income to comfortably cover an £8,000 repair. The repair itself took another major hit on the money I had left.
 
My biggest fear right now is that when my parents come home, they will want to discuss my finances. I don’t know how I can avoid showing them my savings accounts because they will notice the withdrawals and ask questions. The thought of fully explaining everything honestly feels unbearable.
The whole situation actively torments me. Some days are better than others, but there are days where I cannot put my phone down without checking charts constantly. I genuinely don’t know how to approach this conversation with them. It was a relief avoiding it before they went away, but I don’t think it can be avoided when they return.
 
I also want to say that I don’t want to simply be told how stupid or irresponsible this all was. I don’t feel like I’m generally bad with money — I’ve successfully run a business for over two years. It’s more that with trading there is always the feeling that there is a chance to recover the losses, and part of me still wants to reduce them quietly before anyone else knows. I have tried stepping away before. I have withdrawn the remaining funds from Trading back into my bank account, only for a few days to pass before the losses start replaying in my mind and I return to trading again. I even had funds frozen in my account due to a lot of in and out movement with money. This was horrible as it was a bank holiday weekend where I was stuck with all my funds stuck and nothing to spend over the weekend.
 
I took a short break from everything whilst dealing with my van situation, but I am still actively trading trying to claw back what I can. One thing I recently said to myself is that I need to stop constantly stressing about money. There were periods where, after so many losses, I became desensitised and was just closing positions in the red without fully processing it. It's scary to think that this was happening and I haven't had this mindset too much recently. Personally I am trying to not close any positions in minus and make my trading all green, whether that is £5 or £100. I even did the maths on how much I would have to trade at different profits to make it back. It depends how much I can achieve but currently it doesn't feel out of reach.. whether this is my brain trying to make my thought process seem right I'm not sure.
 
For someone earning under £2,500 a month, losing £15,800 in roughly two months probably sounds devastating to the majority of people. It’s not that I don’t care — I care a lot. I think I’m just mentally exhausted from being in a constant state of panic and stress about it all. I’m trying to appreciate what I still have left, even though I still cannot fully let go of the trading itself.
 
I’m sorry this post has been extremely long, but I wanted to give you the full picture of what has happened and how things gradually unfolded.
If you are able to share any of your own experiences, or offer advice on how I might even begin approaching this conversation with my parents, I would be extremely grateful.
Thank you,
Sam
 
This topic was modified 1 month ago by Forum admin
 
Posted : 15th May 2026 4:08 pm
Tazman
 Tazman
(@tazman)
Posts: 763
 

i am sorry to hear this u need to be honest with your family u clearly have a gambling addiction from my perspect an addict shouldnt involve anything involving risk trading stocks etc all work on on principle of risk the issue is an addict doesnt know how to handle losses i personally know alot of people who have made money in those areas it similar like a business however i dont know anyone who made a living out of playing casino games i have seen plenty of people with successful business even made money on trading stock only to develop addiction to casino games and lose everything if u have tendency to chase your losses you are a gambling addict and it will make things worse if u are getting urgues to get your losses back close your account hand over your finances gamcare run chatrooms daily 8pm u will get the support u can also call and speak one to one with an advisor hope this helps👍

 
Posted : 15th May 2026 11:47 pm
 stuart
(@lp5vut869c)
Posts: 1499
 

Hi Sam

The only form of gambling Ive not done is trading but it is gambling as im sure you know now. Anything that involves chasing losses, dopamine or spending hours checking is gambling. If it was me and I had crossed the line i would need to stop. I'm only saying this from my point of view but I'm glad I never got into trading and tempted to make money out of an oil price depending on a war outcome but that's only me. There are some YouTubers who have become addicted to trading and help others 

 
Posted : 15th May 2026 11:56 pm
 Sarah
(@jt20du8zy6)
Posts: 5
 

Hi Sam,

I have lost £700k since 2011. The longer you trade (gamble) the more money you will lose and it will consume you. The markets are open 24 hours and they are relentless. Especially now. 

I wish I gone to my mum about my gambling but my ex husband persuaded me not to as he wanted me to trade. She passed away in 2020. If I had gone to her it would have been humiliating but I would have stopped and not lost even more. You get so addicted that you get out loans and credit cards and it’s a spiral. I was sensible before too. I never even enjoyed gambling in general but the stock market makes you feel like you are investing. It’s not. I would tell your parents. I would explain exactly what you explained above. The only people that make money like this are the ones getting paid to tell people when to trade.snd then they get away with you losing more money while they take in a nice income from desperate people like you and me. You don’t want to end down that avenue or be scammed as I also was. You are actually clever to see that this is gambling from very early on. It took me years and by then I was trained to gamble day and night. Please tell your parents. I think you will feel a huge sense of relief when you do. They sound very supportive people. They will help you. 

 
Posted : 16th May 2026 9:18 am
 Hawkinssa
(@y6d3wo7bua)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@tazman Hi there thanks for your response. I have some time to think at least while they are away but I feel ashamed to even broach the being honest and saying I have developed a problem. I think there must be an issue. Also, I forgot to put this in my original post but I was diagnosed late with autistic traits. I am fully functioning but there are certain behaviours which I just did and never understood why. I now know. I don't want to blame or say it wasn't my fault but I feel sadly that my emotional grip is heightened and more intense due to this? It isn't just a bad habit which I can intensely focus on it can also be something productive like cleaning and polishing my car ( again highly obssessive and hyperfocussed).

This post was modified 1 month ago by Hawkinssa
 
Posted : 16th May 2026 2:41 pm
 Hawkinssa
(@y6d3wo7bua)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@lp5vut869c Thank you. I should have just accepted a 2k loss at the early stages. I don't understand how I had such a strong belief time after time that I would be able to earn it back. Like I said in my post, there was a time where I had made a decent portion back which gave me hope..

 
Posted : 16th May 2026 2:46 pm
 Hawkinssa
(@y6d3wo7bua)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@jt20du8zy6 Hi. Thank you for the message. They are supportive but they will be angry. Personally I will feel that being angry and shouting and screaming at me won't help or solve the fact that maybe I wanted to just say I have struggled. I thought I was in control and being strategic but in hindsight, I have again lost money. I still have a job ( Self-employed) given the van repairs I currently am already playing catchup with an increased work load. I understand it is a lot to lose for me but I can't let this get me down. Equally I just know I won't be able to ramp up my own workload to top up my savings. I do have autistic traits and within all my work I hyperfocus, whether I choose to or not it just happens. Put short, I get mentally burnt out operating, performing tasks and general interaction with customers. I don't feel I want to be punished or be prepared to load in countless 6 or 7 day work weeks. 

 

Thanks for saying that I should just say it exactly how I explained it above. I still am reserved about it. I don't know how to start the conversation and fear it will only come about if they ask how my finances are having paid for the van repair. They were kind enough to say they would lend me some money to help but I don't want it. In some ways I am firm and say I don't deserve it because look what mess I have done already you know ?

 
Posted : 16th May 2026 2:56 pm
 Hawkinssa
(@y6d3wo7bua)
Posts: 6
Topic starter
 

@jt20du8zy6 Hi. I was thinking today about the loss which you shared. How have you coped with that loss. For me it isn't the amount but what it could have been used for. I have good days and bad days and today the feeling and gravity of what has happened is hitting me again. I've tried going for a walk with my dog to try and settle my head, even trying to keep myself productively busy but the daunting feeling of it is coming back.

 

How have you coped? What helped you move forward?

 
Posted : 17th May 2026 12:47 pm
 Weirdfish
(@p6z38njbqm)
Posts: 640
 

@y6d3wo7bua - Welcome. A hard post to read for me. The loss is devastating, and it's interesting to hear that other forms of gambling are just as addictive. I never got into trading but certainly considered it.

In terms of dealing with loss, be it time, or money, there is unfortunately only one way to approach this. Write it off completely. The money is gone, the time is gone. If you can't accept this you will always be drawn back. I was left with 50k debt and it was always tempting to think I could win some back. If I did, I would gamble it to win, just a little more back, then the cycle begins again. The only thing you own after accepting you have a problem is debt. Harsh, but true. 

Once you accept you cannot change that, you can focus on recovery. Financially and mentally. You can earn money back. You can earn happier time in future, but you will never change the past. My favourite saying through recovery was (and still is), we only gamble to win the life we want without gambling. I don't gamble now and have paid off my debt. I can buy things, I live a good life. I gambled to have this and never achieved it until I quit.

I wish you all the best. Stay strong 👍 

 
Posted : 21st May 2026 1:07 am
 stuart
(@lp5vut869c)
Posts: 1499
 

@p6z38njbqm 

Hi Fish

Incredibly well said, always love reading your posts. 

I couldn't agree more about drawing a line over the lost time and money. The time element was a hard thing for me as I could never get that back. It amazed me after spending 80% of my life gambling as a solution to not recognising the problems why I turned to it, was that I didn't see the self medication of gambling addiction. It's incredible that it convinced intelligent people that the only way out is to do more. If I sat looking at my debts, I have no idea they my shortcut, quick route to success brain would allow that time after time self medication to thrive again and I would relapse adding more to the debt mountain. 

The only way out as you say is to draw a line in the sand and start working on the harm caused to others and myself. Put the oxygen mask on to help save everyone around me. 

I do love my recovery journey for one particular reason. I spent years hating myself for what I was doing. All the masks I wore hiding behind a web of lies but as the saying goes, the truth has set me free and each day I take it for one 24 hour passage in time to be the best I can and do the next right thing. 

 
Posted : 21st May 2026 7:32 am
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