Help!

Hi Viagrafalls,

How did your meeting go? Don`t feel bad if you didn`t go, but go neext week- and don`t forget, those people who are there probably had the same thoughts before their first time- that`s the good thing about GA- people struggle with the same things, you can`t really tell them anything new, they`ve all been there - it is a good thing that you are here, and admitted you need to stop and need help..... Different things work for different people, come and write however big or small thoughts are bothering you, and try not to hate yourself, just focus on forward! You can change so many things, it is never too late!

Viagrafalls wrote:

Gambling seems to be on my mins constantly just now but I know I will make it through until tomorrow. I've got a GA meeting tonight which I'm worried about. I don't want anybody who knows me to be there. That scares me a little. Having to tell somebody that I know the extent of my problem. The enormity of my debt scares me and I'm going to have to admit defeat and seek advice about it. If I have to lose the house then I suppose there's nothing else for it. Not a nice feeling though. Just now I don't feel so positive as I did earlier today. Everything just seems so dull without the thrill of gambling. Hopefully after this meeting tonight I will get my positivity back but for now I just feel like a sad, lonely, numb person who is going through the motions of life. In my head I'm likening the way I feel to heroin addicts going cold turkey (train spotting-esque). This really isn't easy for me and I'm only one day gambling free 🙁

Unfortunately patience is a virtue for most but a difficult thing for gamblers we tend to want results straight away

such is the way are brains work.

Hi V

I wanted to say that I really feel for your situation. I've been there, I was addicted to gambling. Most of my life; I was introduced to fruit machines in a Social Club at a very young age. It became a severe problem for me when the FOBT's appeared, although it was a problem before. It caused me much pain, broken relationships, homelessness and career failure . If it had not been for gambling, life would have turned out very different. I ran away from it so many times. I even left the country to get away from it. I lied to many ashamed of myself, and on a handful of occassions I stole small amounts. I still need to clear some things with that. I will send a copy of this to somebody that I stole £12 from on a couple of occassions; a long time ago when I was in a trusted position. Don't get me wrong, I worked my a**e off most of my life, until being unemployed again of late (Mental Health problems exasperated by gambling and working my a**e off), at least I have a roof over my head, but a sadness in me that I have no family of my own.... But back to helping you.

Sometimes it is the most simplest of things. For me it was this. A simple mantra to alter the way that I thought everytime I felt the urge. It was this: If you draw a circle on a piece of paper. Quarter it. In the top left write Gambling is Good. Think of a few reasons why it is, write them down. In the bottom left, write Gambling is Bad. again write down some reasons.

This left hand side of the circle is how are brain normally thinks when we are addicted to something. i.e. it is either Good or Bad. This is why we are often caught up in the vicious cycle. Good Bad Good Bad. We know it is bad, but still we do it. We are wired that way, the reward way, the losses don't matter, we still go on.

Now in the bottom right hand corner of the circle, write down Not Gambling is Bad, again write down any arguments you can think of that support this, as an addicted gambler, there aren't too many but perhaps think of a social aspect loss, or the thrill etc. Then in the top right corner write, Not Gambling is Good, once again write down the positive aspects in a list.

The right hand side of the circle, particularly the top right quarter, is in effect a cognitive rewiring of our brain, of how it thinks. We change that 'Good Bad Good Bad cycle' to 'Not Good Not Bad cycle'. with a focus on the top right quarter. Of NOT GAMBLING IS GOOD.

If you work through it, and keep that mantra, you will be surprised. Yes you will probably relapse once or twice. I did, but to help, I put a little pocket card in my wallet with the circle on it. Gambling is Good (Nah) Gambling is Bad (Yup) Not Gambling is Bad (Nah) and above all NOT GAMBLING IS GOOD. -+ -- (left) into +- ++ (right).

Cognitive behavioural therapy, just changing the pathways of entrenched thought processes. I wish I had come across it many many years before, I would not be in such a pickle now. Please try it out. It worked for me and it's been a couple of years now. God bless.

That's the GA meeting over. I'm quite drained after it. I must admit that EVERYONE was unbelievably welcoming and friendly. It kinda took me back a bit. Listening to people's "therapy" was enlightening and humbling. The honesty in that room was breathtaking. It's hard to put the whole experience into words but it was a positive experience. It was hard to get my head around that people were still attending meetings 2 or 3 times a week and they have been gamble free for 10, 20 and 30 plus years. I felt jealous that people had new cars, went on nice holidays etc (especially when I'm in the sh it financially). Being able to be in that situation seems light years away. However, when I waken up I will be 2 days free from gambling and at this moment in time I have no urge to gamble again. The thought of doing so makes me sick to the stomach. For the first time in a very long time I will go to sleep content 🙂

Really good to hear that you will get a good nights rest. Also for prompting me. I shall get in touch with my local GA groups to see if I can help out too. Good luck V and seriously work through the above too. 🙂

Really glad you had a productive meeting Viagrafalls

Day two for me had a wobble but did not gamble.

Hope we can support each other along with anybody else who has just started on the road to recovery

This site has done wonders for me a couple of days ago i did not give a s**t if i lived or died

Today i got up early after a decent nights sleep showered shaved put on clean respectable clothing visited my wife

cut the grass cleaned the drians washed windows in her home

Had dinner with her and the kids we laughed and joked together just how it was before i self distucted

This may seem normal to most but for me it was a one hell of good day.

It was only when i left to go back to my bedsit i passed one of my gambling haunts had a very small amount of cash on me

But the gambler in me started thinking

today has been a good day i bet you would win,

If you won even a small amount then you could offer to take the familiy on a day out somewhere.

I stood outside for about twenty minutes will i wont i will i wont i. in the end i just walked away.

A victory for commen sense.

Hi,

Am v sorry but I hit the flag button by accident when scrolling.

It's v difficult to limit your access to cash as a taxi driver! You need the bank, not the bookies, can you pay into the bank two or three times per shift? Do any of the banks have 24 hour paying-in machines? Or is there any other driving work that you could do? The problem is that you're having to rely on will power and you need barriers as well. You may well find that your occupation simply isn't compatible with recovery. That is a drastic change in these hard pressed times but if multiple trips to the bank aren't practical, I recommend that you look for other work.

Wish you well and I apologise again.

CW

Obviously having access to cash on a daily basis isn't ideal for a compulsive gambler but, looking positively, it's saved my kids from going hungry for 28 days out of 30 each month. That's the harsh reality. No matter what occupation or profession I had I would gamble. I would lie, cheat, borrow or steal to fund my gambling. I've taken your advice Gary and have drawn up a divided circle and am thinking about everything to put in the sections. If you do follow the GA meeting through I'm sure you won't be disappointed. I'm glad you had a good day yesterday Marco and proud to hear that you didn't go in the bookies. A hard decision but the right decision. What I've learnt overnight is that all recovering gamblers are just one bet away from being a gambler again. It could happen anytime but if we stay strong when tempted we can stay in recovery and enjoy a happier day. Personally my moods are all over the place today. I feel as if the fact that I'm battling against an addiction is written all over my face (which probably isn't a good look). Looking at myself I feel hollow and pained, however, although I don't want to gamble it's not easy. Having listened to the people at the meeting last night I don't want to let myself or them down. They let me into their lives and trusted me and that alone will see me through this day without gambling (I hope)

Looking back yesterday wasn't bad at all. Still haven't gambled. Don't want to gamble but I'm still very wary of the part of my brain which will make me gamble in a second. Having a bit, but not too much, structure to my day is definitely helping. Just enough to help to fill the huge void left by not gambling. I'm going to contact Citizens Advice or something on Monday. A quick inventory of my debts has spurred this on. I'm going to need to get a workable balance of paying debts off, having some sort of life, repairing my credit rating and opening up letters that have been lying in drawers for months 🙁 On a plus note I made a small payment towards one credit card yesterday which I'm hoping to clear off by the end of next week. Little steps but positive ones

A good structured day and a gamble free one. The easiest day by far so far 🙂 I've been trying not to think about the past today but have found myself imagining how different my life would have been without gambling. Haven't been dwelling on that too much though. Racking up the gamble free day numbers, re-wiring my brain and getting through one day at a time is more important right now. All in all a good day 🙂

Sounds like your getting somewhere mate fair play

Glad your fighting the demon.

Please dont take this the wrong way, but be careful of over confidence.

You should be proud of what you have done so far but dont let your guard down.

Not for one minute.

I am going to be honest mate i failed today.

worse then that i won i visited my family today tried talking reconciliation with my wife.

I have only been gamble free for a few days for gods sake what was i thinking.

she would not even talk about it as a possibility down the road

I took it hard and used it as a excuse to gamble and won a samll amount but its only when i left the gambling den it struck me

How easy i Crumbled, I gave my winniings to my younest for her birthday next week but its not the point my ex

Is right i always turn to gambling when i am stressed

So its back to day one for me.

I actually swore out loud when I read your message Marko. I'm gutted for you 🙁 A day at a time buddy. We are all the same and we can all do it. I'm sure things will sort themselves out for you and the missus. It'll no doubt take a lot of time and hard work on both sides. We'll just keep plugging away and trying to sort our lives out. Do it for yourself mate and let me know how you get on soon

Sorry i let the side down

I will try to be better

Keep at it both of you please. And please try the way I wrote in the message too if you want, if anything it may give a little bit more armour against those urges.