Help needed please

Hello Sarah1976,

Well done for joining the forum.

There is a web page about blocking software here:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/self-help/blocking-software/

If you call us on our freephone 0808 8020 133 or netline, we can give you a code for a free promotional offer of GamBan blocking software.

We can also discuss other recovery methods and sources of support.

Take care,

Forum admin.

Hi Sarah 🙂 

The big issue here I think is that it doesn't matter how many blocks we can put in place, there's always a way around them or other avenues we can go down when that urge to gamble strikes . They do their job by allowing us a little bit of thinking time before we act but the fact that you have blocks in place yet seek out other " Not fun slot's " say's a lot about our addiction and the fight we have to stay in control . 

There's obviously thing's you could do ..........Monzo bank card for instance that won't allow gambling transactions if you so wish but again if your hiding a card from your partner or he doesn't know about it then there's not much point , I could say look to your internet provider not to allow over 18 sites or parental controls but again all of which will need you to change the password without remembering it of course so as you don't just change it back again ? . 

You probably don't want to but I'd always suggest being honest with your OH at least then you could offer transparency and be accountable to someone other than yourself , because as has been proved there's nothing gambling likes more than you not telling anyone else ? . 

It's a toughie and I understand that thing's aren't always black and white as to should we tell / shouldn't we but if thing's aren't working maybe you need to try a different route ?. 

I wish you well for now.

Alan  

Thanks Alan for your feedback.  You are right of course and while I think it is under control as it is not as bad as it was and only I suffer as all my hard work goes to debt, I know these are excuses.  I was single for a long time and therefore only hurt me.  my partner has been understanding to the point of maybe too understanding which is not his fault.  I think you are right I need to tell him.  Thanks again

Posted by: Sarah1976

Thanks Alan for your feedback.  You are right of course and while I think it is under control as it is not as bad as it was and only I suffer as all my hard work goes to debt, I know these are excuses.  I was single for a long time and therefore only hurt me.  my partner has been understanding to the point of maybe too understanding which is not his fault.  I think you are right I need to tell him.  Thanks again

Hi Sarah.

Glad you took that post as it was intended . 

I'm not judging Sarah as we can all only deal with our own live's but I think you get to a point where you do need more help than just relying on ourselves alone to do this and when fighting an enemy of this strength we need all the support we can get , your partner being "  Too Understanding " is one thing but he also probably doesn't realise that he's also enabling you to carry on ? .   

I tried so many times to give up on my own but always found ways to justify myself picking up just where I'd left off , until a point where it got serious and I couldn't carry on anymore . I dreaded that conversation TBH as I really didn't know how it would all pan out ( none of us do ) and always refer to it now as the last gamble I took  , thankfully it worked out and that was nearly four years ago now . 

It's made thing's pretty simple now to be honest and allowed me to create a hugely different life to the one I had while in action 🙂   

Hi

The addictions and obsessions were a form of escaping in my fears, the addictions and obsessions were a symptom that I was emotionally vulnerable.

The recovery program was going to help me understand that I was not evil bad wrong I was just emotionally vulnerable.

By abstaining from one addiction and not being healed I would escape to another addiction or even an obsession.

The recovery program is all about healing for me, healing from the pains of self abuse but more importantly healing the hurt little child in me.

I use to think that the recovery program was going to control my life, this was not so, the recovery program was going to help me heal from the pains of my past, not just from the addictions but to help me heal my hurt inner child.

I had unfortunately got in to the unhealthy habit of burying and suppressing my feelings and my emotions.

Over time as I peeled back the onion and exposed more of myself the tears would flow and the healing process would start.

People will often deeply fear step four, step four is about understanding what is healthy or unhealthy and recognizing it over time, the change with in us will take time, but in taking recovery seriously our unhealthy habits will change in to healthy habits.

Every painful event and trauma in my life had consequences on me and my development, I suffered emotional abuse, I suffered physical abuse, I suffered sexual abuse, I suffered neglect and abandonment, I suffered humiliation and put down, I suffered all kind of bullying and manipulations.

Was I a victim in my life, yes for sure, was I a perpetrator in my life, yes for sure, was I a rescuer in my life yes for sure, for me today all of these are very unhealthy habits.

Why was it that I was always picked on and by who, the reason I was picked on was because I was very emotionally vulnerable, the people who picked on me were in fact victims them selves who never healed from the pains of their past.

The consequences of having suffered so many pains in my life was a build up of fears that I did not understand or recognize, also I was going to build high walls of fear around me to protect that hurt little child, sadly those high walls of fear around me were going to stop me getting out and having healthy intimate relationships with other people.

The recovery program was going to help me help myself become healthier and more productive.

With regards the twenty questions and the answers were always for me, why could I not be honest with myself sooner.

Besides becoming more honest with myself I would understand that my emotional age and my physical age did not mach up.

Once I put a lot of time and effort in to my recovery and handed over all of my finances and started to abstain my recovery was going to become much easier.

The money was just the fuel for my addiction.

I did not respect myself and I did not respect money.

I was unable to show appreciation and gratitude sincerely. I am able to today.

I am not a religious person yet have found spiritual well being today.

I do not react in such unhealthy ways today. I do want to run in my fears today.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

How are things today Sarah? 

I may have misread a post you made elsewhere so just checking you’re OK? These first few days and weeks are tough, but you can do it. Things get better. 

I am ok thank you.  Day 2 and despite 2 emails with tempting free offers if I reinstate my account I have deleted them.  Tried to say well not spending money so could do it.  But I resisted.  Thanks for checking ?

I read it again Sarah. You put something like “I decided to put an end to it all” and later said “if I’m not here next week”... hence my concern!

We are same age, so I’m putting myself in your shoes (well it is the weekend after all 😉 ) and I’ll keep checking in these early days. 

Sorry to say Dear Sara the world is sad enough without your owe. Keep away from money handle, without money if you, me or other gambler said to our slot machine or roulette....you are my father-in-law let’s start play but it will not allow us to play. So I suggest you to stop loan/earning money, even you need to starve, strave but don’t go for gambling. If you can continue far away from gambling,slowly slowly gambling urges turn in to weak. 

Oh not what I meant at all.  I meant want to end all gambling.  But as for next week don’t want to be assuming as I know a relapse is possible but I really want to try hard to not to.  Thanks for caring and i need to be careful what I write and be clear. Don’t want to worry people.

No need to apologise dear Sarah,

you need to conscious about which excuse you allow yourself to justify gambling.

Thanks Sarah

Good morning ? 

it is day 6 for me today.  I have been on this site everyday and sent lots of replies to lots of people and read loads from the inspirational to the highly emotional.

i realize I am not alone, not the only woman and not the only person to have wasted thousands on this demon.  I feel less stupid and gullible, more understood and not judged.

I hope to continue giving my comments to people and hope to be as understanding as they have been.

i am someone who is funny in day to day life but I appreciate that may not be appreciated in this forum.  I want to make sure things don’t come across as flippant or uncaring.  Sometimes you need to laugh.  In my humble opinion.

so I am at day 6.  Heading determinedly to double digits. Worried about the weekend as all day Saturday I will be looking after dad and if he is comfy or sleeping I am limited as to what I can do and that is when I will be tempted.  I plan to come on here as much as I can without becoming comment overload lady.

i hope everyone has a gf day and me too.

take care and a big thank you to you all.

Hi Sarah,

Well done for getting to day 6! 

I like yourself had issues with slots and bingo. I spent so many years trying to control it by saying "bingo is fun and harmless" but I would always find myself on the slots until I ran out of funds or it was closing time. 

It's great that you recognise your possible triggers and to have a plan in place for those times. 

You are absolutely right about about not being too serious and having a laugh. Although addiction recovery is very important I think it's important not to take ourselves to seriously. 

I hope you have a great day! 

Well done Sarah for day 6 - Saturday is a hard day for all who gamble - free time, cash, cards etc not needing to be somewhere. So when you with your dad you need to get something to do! Sad to say “take the ironing” / take a dvd / book something that will occupy your mind while you dad rests! Gamblock on computer / phone stops the technology working

have  a good day with your dad!