I am in my late twenties and I have been gambling for 10 - 12 years. I would class my problem as severe. Gambling controls my life completely even though I understand the chemistry and phycology behind it. I am not delusional in that I know I will never recuperate what I have lost and no amount of money can undo what I have done to myself and others in order to feed my addiction. I have lied, stolen, cheated, deceived and much more.
Yesterday my wife caught me so I came clean and told her everything. We have spoken about it previously but I have always understated the problem often telling her watered down versions of the truth. Yesterday however I came clean and told her everything I have done in my life from a gambling viewpoint. There are more things I need to tell her because it’s hard to summarise 12 years in a few hours but the important thing is, I want to never have to lie to her again.
From her perspective she feels like she doesn’t know me anymore and cannot trust me again which is fair enough because how can she know and trust me when I don’t know and trust myself. We are going to talk again tonight and I honestly don’t know what she is going to do. All I know is she has every right to do whatever. I am scared and so is she.
The sad thing I have never had any real friends because of gambling. Who would befriend someone like me anyway? The only person who has been there for me has been my wife and I have taken her for granted, even resented her for restricting me financially. I want to be the man she deserves and I know I can be. I hope she gives me another chance. Whatever happens, I feel better for telling her everything because at least someone in this world knows other than me.
Yesterday was hopefully my last day of gambling and the first day of living. I have made an appointment with my doctor and will be going to a GA meeting for the first time. I hope meeting other people with similar problems will help me.
Hello VR,
It is so difficult to acknowledge and admit to having a gambling problem but believe me you must get an overwhelming sense of relief when you share the burden of this terrible illness with others.
Well done on coming onto the site, you will read some real horror stories that will inspire you to break this vile addiction.
I am not sure what your addiction is i.e. on-line, bookies, casinos etc but whatever it is you can prove to your wife and yourself your determination to stop by self excluding from any betting institutions and setting up a blocker on your pc whereby you would have to give your wife the password.
GA is fantastic and a great source of support. Again you will hear the horror and the success of other members and eventually you will learn to live "normally" again.
Take one day at a time and promise yourself that just for today you will not gamble, if you get through today it is fantastic and always remember when we dont gamble we win.
Dont underestimate yourself, it sounds like you have a low self esteem at the moment as you said you dont have any friends and who would want to befriend you anyway? Friends are out there, gambling has just consumed the precious time you should have spent with them.
Remeber now from today its onwards and upwards. Start a recovery diary, the journey can be hard but one day we will all reach our destinations.
Best wishes
Hope x
Hi, Thanks for replying to my message.
I will let you know how the CBT therapy goes - I had my first session on Monday afternoon and it just felt great to talk about my problem and say it rather then thinking about it all the time - Form what I can gather its about how you control your thought process and learn to deal with problems in a different way - When you go to your doctor be truthful about your gambling problem I know its had it was for me but in the end you will get what you need from it - I also had to speak with my wonderful girlfriend and as you said it is had to summarise 12-13 years of gambling in a couple of hours but after you have been honest with her the only way you can go is onwards and upwards - You have then drawn a line and decided to move on from this horrible thing! What your wife does next you cannot control you have to respect her decision no matter what but a least you have been honest and for me that felt great!! Good luck - Keep us updated.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
