How to tell my partner about my addiction

Hi - as someone who's husband has just told them that they have relapsed (for nearly a year without my knowledge) - I would just say try to do it sooner rather than later. IMO the longer it goes on for, the bigger the hurt for the partner. It feels less about any money to me than it does about the length of deception that is the kicker. But I can only say I know it will be difficult, but once the dust has settled, and shock subsided, if you have sat her down and been honest then that will at least show her your true intentions and feelings. It will be hard, but my advice would be to just show as much vulnerability as possible, relinquish your pride and any shame around it and just get it all out there on the table - it can only go up from there. Share your struggles, innermost thoughts, and most importantly what you then want to do about it. Great that you are wanting to finally tell her, that's a great step in itself. Best of luck

Honesty is everything so I agree you need to tell her everything. Are you looking to give up gambling as you will need her support if she can offer it

Hi. This is my first post, but your story hit home. I have gambled all my life, but lock down and extra money meant it became far more regular. Fast forward to now and I'm in significant debt (although all the bills are paid thankfully) and the weight of the guilt became so heavy that I simply couldn't carry it anymore. I knew that things may end badly but I sat my wife down on Christmas Eve after a huge unrelated row and explained what had happened. I let her know that I was seeking help. I can't recommend enough speaking to a professional by the way. I said I would answer any questions and after a lot of tears on both sides she agreed to help me. We didn't go into specifics and frankly I think she's relieved that isn't something else. I haven't told anyone else, nor do intend to just yet. The guilt didn't disappear over night, but a weight was lifted significantly. I genuinely hope things work out for you whatever you decide. 

Hi Anon and David

How is it going for you both ? The biggest problem any of us have is that it improves at a quicker rate for the gambler rather than the ones we harm. We all need to be patient and don't rush things. Loved ones and friends also need to recover and that will take a long time. The trust has gone and they won't be able to understand the addiction so it's a matter of being kind, listen and don't argue

Hi 

I was also wondering what happened with Anon. I hope you're alright.

Yes, perhaps a little more of the fallout might help. After my confession on Christmas Eve, did I say it was also my wedding anniversary? Christmas itself took over our time and we didn't talk about it. In fact it may have been the New Year before we were alone in the car. I always find not looking at someone, but being next to them somehow makes the conversation easier. 

I asked if my wife had any questions for me now the dust had settled. I wanted to be totally honest about everything and said I didn't want there to be secrets. She actually had very few. How much was my debt, how was I paying it, were all the bills paid (they are). She was very calm, very matter of fact. 

She was at home when I had my last phone session. Afterwards she asked if it went well. I said yes and that I would be attending a local meeting. She encouraged me to go and I did. Again this was very straight forward.

I remain willing to discuss it with her, but as mentioned above I am happy to give her the time and space. I don't talk about it and for now she doesn't ask. Perhaps she never will and little bit of me hopes that in few years I can turn around and say I haven't gambled since 2026 and that will be that. 

But for now I'm happy that I shared with her. It isn't a magic bullet, but for me just another huge step.

Hi David

Opening up is tough but I am glad you have. You just need to make sure you have emptied the whole dustbin and not left anything in the bottom - trust me. I forgot about two things, they have come out and it's not gone well !

Are you going to a GA meeting ? They are a life changer for me along with the 12 steps

Stuart

First of all, the fact that you recognize the problem and want to talk about it already shows that you care about your family and want to change. A lot of people in gambling addiction say the same thing – the big win is often what starts the spiral.

It’s going to be a very hard conversation, but honesty is usually the only way forward. If you keep hiding it, the stress and the financial problems will only get worse. Your partner might be angry or shocked at first, but telling the truth also shows that you want to fix things.

If possible, try to come to the conversation with a plan – for example blocking gambling accounts, seeking professional help, or joining a support group. That shows you're not just confessing the problem, but also taking steps to change.

You’re not the only person who has gone through this, and many people rebuild trust over time. It starts with being honest and asking for help.