I need to change my mindset

Hi G147 unfortunately this is an addiction and there is no controlling it as you have now found out. Just as alcoholics cannot drink alcohol not even just one , compulsive gamblers who are trying to stop cannot gamble . To change your mindset you have to change your actions be strict about your self exclusion from bookies/websites/casinos. That one time when you went to a casino with a stag night was understandable as you wanted to enjoy with friends and as you had time away from gambling you thought you would be ok, now you know what it did was trigger that thing in you that makes you a compulsive gambler. I'm 3 months without gambling doing really good but......I'm aware that my addiction is always there and always will be and I tell you without embarrassment I know it would be a disaster for me to go into any sort of gambling establishment, I'm an addict I've accepted that now. I don't want to gamble again but that's not enough...I've installed blocking software for online and self excluded from everything, and I don't have access to our finances anymore I have to ask for money....no money no access no gambling. Sounds harsh but the reality of being a compulsive gambler is very harsh read stories on here people lose more than money things you can't put a price on relationships, homes,jobs, end up in prison and more. You mention your parents bailed you out so presumably they know your problem, consider asking them to take over your finances or at the very least check in with you to your finances show them your accounts develop that sense of accountability. I at one stage was incharge of our finances ,never again, gave me free rein to commit carnage, in the future when I start having more to do it will be in full view of my husband. Did you pay you parents back? I ask because it there was no consequence to them bailing you out that's a recipe for disaster. Giving up gambling for me......I'm happier,calmer, mental health massively improved, life is better ! Hope some of this has helped. Best wishes to you going forward

Ohh and meant to say what about GA meetings or counselling. I did 8 sessions of counselling which was really helpful and now I go to GA and my commitment for the future in my recovery will be going to GA and just like yourself continuing to " change my mindset "

unfortunatley most gamblers realise they need a mindset change AFTER losing big 

here in lies the problem ......a loss is a very good way to convince you to change but it doesnt last the novelty wears off after a couple weeks and the thoughts of " my luck must of changed by now" begin to creep in 

the fact you mention you are a competitive person can be problematic when dealing with gambling as its difficult to accept defeat

i would try to set the money aside to begin with try and figure out the crux of the issue , for me it was because i didnt feel like i was moving anywhere in life i didnt like my job so i would try and accelerate my life by constantly placing bets ( it never works ) 

I think you said it in your title. It's not enough just to say to yourself that you want to stop gambling. It takes a real effort to re-train your brain and physically stop gambling from day to day, week to week, month to month.

Most people here appear to get into financial difficulty not so much because they initially lose but because they mentally can't cope with any loss at all they chase the losses with larger and larger stakes. This is what causes the damage as it very quickly can escalate and before you know it, everything has gone.

You'll find your own way in terms of coping without gambling. Two things I think everyone should consider doing though is to find other pursuits to carry out when you would normally gamble (it won't immediately fill the void because the brain needs time to re-adjust and start pumping out the dopamine feel good chemical for non-gambling pursuits, but it will happen), and secondly every night you go to bed without having gambled, please congratulate yourself on having successfully avoided putting you and your bank account at risk for another day.   

Hi G147,

I can relate to your situation. I also have a good job and good future prospects. The journey home after going to the casino and losing is soul destroying and you hate yourself so much for it. I am currently working myself out of previous gambling difficulties and I just wanted to add one bit of advice: you mentioned you went to the casino with a 400 limit on your card. Dont go in with this mindset. It never works because I also had the same mindset as this, setting myself a limit before going in. After you've lost that 400, you'll ALWAYS find a way to access more of your money until it is all gone. I went there myself with one card, max withdrawal 400, and I ended up walking 2mi to a bank to make a cash withdrawal with my ID (which you will have on you if you have been to a casino). Or you'll find a way to do an online transfer or increase your limit.

It is not worth it. I have found that reading posts on here does help. Occasionally when I'm thinking of making a bet (this thought still comes almost daily or several times a week, assuming there are funds in my account) I come on here. Even if its just for 10 minutes. I read some stories and it helps me to put things into perspective.

There will be people on here with worse problems than yourself, and people on here who are not in as bad situation. Reality is everybody is different and it effects people differently. I am in no way an expert or free from gambling to give you any real advice, other than to try and take a step back, read some stories here, and put things into perspective. I am well educated and have a lot of nice things in my life, but gambling has brought me down to the lowest points in life that I hope I'll never find myself in again. Just remember, the casino always wins, a gambler will never win. Even if you win temporarily, you will go back and spend it, and leave with 0. When you start, you cannot stop.

Well done on the long break you had before and I wish you all the best and hope you don't suffer anymore losses and hope you get back on track again, like you've proven to yourself you can do. Feel free to post on this forum and share your thoughts at any time 🙂 M

 @mythdunk is spot on with those two suggestions. The brain needs time. I have come to realise that with gambling addiction, ‘wanting to stop’ and ‘actually stopping’ are a lightyear apart. 

Over two months now that I haven’t gambled on tennis, I am watching Danill Medvedev now and the only thing coming to mind is - back him. It’s insane, I probably shouldn’t even be watching as I am a destructive gambler.

Hi, I could relate to your story. Basically, you got complacent about your addiction which i've been guilty of too. It had been years since the pain of a big loss and you 'forgot' about the destruction that gambling can have on your finances and mental health. Might be a silly analogy but its a bit like childbirth-its so excruciating and horrific you wonder how women can have more than one child but its like your brain almost makes you forget about the bad aspects and you concentrate only on the good.

Sounds awful, but you have to think of your gambling addiction as like a thief who is around your property 24/7. You can't rest on your laurels and think 'it'll be fine if i pop out without locking up' or 'i'll leave this window open to let some air in and go to bed'. Sounds harsh but when you have a gambling addiction you cant trust yourself even 20 years down the line-however things get easier/risk gets less the more amount of time that goes on. 

Two things-your still very fresh from the loss and , like me, your very competitive and hate 'losing'. Sorry but you have to take this loss on the chin and urgently put blocks in place as you cant trust yourself. Self exclude from all casino's at once via one form (google it) and register with gamban. If possible get a bank account where you can ban gambling transactions (my lloyds tsb account does this). Also install a gamble filter on your computer and phone. To win at chess you have to think 7 steps ahead so stay ahead of the 'thief' by putting these blocks in place.

Time will heal the loss. Good luck