I want to get better

my dad is a gambling addict he once gambled £50,000 he had won and lost all of it down to £0. Growing up I thought that was crazy but I’ve got the same bug. It started with gambling a little bit but once you win you think you can get more and you get greedy. Mine started to get so bad I gambled my whole pay check and cried to my partner. I vowed to never do it again but it got me. I don’t know if it was because I put too much pressure on myself or just desperately needed money. I’ve always struggled with holding onto money. I used my own money at first and I won xxx I thought I could win more and the winnings just dipped. I figured I could win big again and make it better so I took from mine and my partners joint account from his savings and gambled it and lost £1,000 worth of his savings with he got from his grandad. I was mortified with what I had done I didn’t tell him. I kept it hidden and just hoped he didn’t need the account until I could replace the money but the truth always comes out in the end. I’ve turned into the person I never wanted to be and I don’t even understand how this happened. Now my two year relationship with the guy I wanted to marry have a house and kids with is slipping from me. The guy who has done so much for me I’ve hurt him so much. I hate myself for what’s happened. I don’t even know how to face myself or him or even life. I don’t know where to go from here. I thought after gambling my whole pay check I would of learnt but I clearly didn’t. How can I stop this