Last week I broke up with my partner of 6 years . Forgave him for various stuff from drinking heavily with friends and coming home late, even early hours or occasionally spending the night out , to not being home much when I was off on weekends. 2 weeks ago I found £200 worth of football bets on his bedside table, all bought in the space of a week. Thats on top of other tickets I found over the last year. Probably betting thousands. Might not be much for some gamblers but considering his low wages it's a lot.
He lived in my place rent free. Yes he did pay bills, but occasionally he'd pay me a couple of weeks later and in installments as he was skint most of the time.
When I told him why I was breaking up with him he admitted that he had a gambling problem and that he was going to change, but a couple of days later he called me a bad mum (to my teenage daughter) and it was my fault that the relationship broke down because I raised my daughter badly given that she didnt like him. There were no arguments between them , but he could sense that she didn't like him as he was just living in his own world staring at his phone looking at football bets whether we were watching TV or even at dinner sometimes. Once he left the restaurant table to go and collect his winnings at the bookies next door. True he cooked, cleaned etc but I don't believe that makes up for his gambling issues.
Often, at weekends , when we were both off work, he would go out for a few hours walk , presumably to bet as, later he would be watching football and glued to his phone following bets.
My question is, is he right to blame myself and my daughter for the breakup when a few days earlier he admitted he had a gambling issue or is this blame game the norm for gamblers?
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Yip classic gambling addict behaviour and absolutely not your fault in any way whatsoever .be mindful also to cut all ties financially with finances debt and banking.gambling addicts always try too find a way out by putting blame on to others as they are amazing liars so good they actually convince themselves its trueÂ
Unfortunately and coming from a gamblers point of view, many of us create a coping mechanism which is unhealthy for ourselves and everyone around us. The chemistry in our brains gets completely warped over the years through gambling and we lose control. We don't see reason at all or blame so it's everyone elses fault as in gas lighting. He probably feels trapped in a corner and is lashing out at you. I'm sure there are better equipped people on there to answer your comment but thank you for putting it up. It reminds me how determined I am to keep gamble free and better my relationship - one day at a time
@lp5vut869c thanks for your reply Stuart. Keep it up. Gambling only destroys lives. You'll never be a winner in the end. Only the company getting your money is the winner.
People struggling with gambling harms often operate on shame and guilt which they may project onto you as way of coping with their predicament. It sounds like your ex is gaslighting you. Its a manipulation tactic. you've done the right thing in seeking advice and support. Well done! set yourself boundaries , prioritise your own health, wellbeing and remember to establish a support system. Keep surrounding yourself with likeminded people willing to share , support and encourage.
It's been almost 3 weeks since i kicked my ex partner of 6 years out due to finding hundreds of pounds worth of gambling tickets . He still reached out to ask how I am and saying that he no longer gambles, but I am trying to stay 'no contact' so don't reply to his texts.
Even if I did want to get back with him my teenage daughter would go mad at me as she truly dislikes him between his binge drinking out with friends every couple of months and the fact that he didn't spend much quality time with me on weekends. Weekday evenings spent watching TV and watching him stare at scores on his phone and sometimes going out to collect his winnings.Â
I think that once my daughter goes off to college there might be a chance of us getting back together (he suggested it and then deleted the text but assuming he meant it). Am I mad thinking that in 3/4 years time he would be a better person and stops gambling (and possibly drinking) for the sake of our relationship?
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