I've posted in these forums previously, but went away and fell back into the madness for a while. I've gone deeper than ever before, racking up a mountain of debt that weighs down on me like a millstone around my neck.
I've reached breaking point. My business has been struggling over the past year, so I've got very little income to cover the bills and service the debts. I'm in arrears on my rent and having to borrow money from family just to get by at the moment. I feel lower than I've ever felt before.
I feel like a loser. I'm 46 and spent all of my adult life gambling off and on (more on than off to be honest). I've got 3 young kids from my past marriage and I can't even afford to take them for a day out. Not that I've been interested in doing that, as I've been too engrossed in gambling. I just chuck them devices to play on so that I can gamble online.
Now that I'm trying to stop the guilt feels overwhelming. I'm a grown man but I spent all day crying today because I had another gambling binge last night, spending money that I really can't afford to lose. I'm going to GA, but it doesn't seem to help at the moment.
My current partner is keeping an eye on my main bank account and I did Gamstop, but I found a way around both of those, which I won't mention here as I don't want to give anyone any ideas.Â
I feel like I need to change something if I want to stop and stay stopped, but I don't know what. Any help or advice would be gratefully received.Â
Hi Dan
That's so brave to show vulnerability and I can feel your pain. I've been there so many times and it didn't click until I started turning up here everyday, going to the chatrooms and listening to people. I managed to find the right GA room for me where I met my tribe and started the 12 steps.
What do you think triggers you to go back each time ? Is it the financially side, even knowing like me that the maths doesn't allow you to win. If it's the debt, speak to Stepchange, they changed my lifeÂ
Hi Dan, I second what Stuart says, coming on here every (or most nights) has kept me gamble free for the past 13 days, which when I actually looked back has been my longest period in a year. Once you want to stop, you’ll stop trying to escape by gambling, get on the 8pm chat, everyone is really welcoming.
Hi Dan, I agree with both Stuart and Misty, the chatrooms have been a complete God send and game changer for me. I do attend my local GA once a week on a Monday but I do come on the 8-9pm chatroom daily and it is so encouraging and full of people that have lived experience. It really helps knowing that there are people like us and it’s not just you. It’s a lonely, isolating thing this addiction and if it wasn’t for this chatroom I would not be 112 days gamble free today. Keep coming on here to the forums and also come to the chatrooms if you can, they run them daily and we have one tomorrow 8-9pm. Hope to see you there if you can make it.
Once you take the step to stop, these chatrooms will really help.
Hi Dan,
Thank you for your post, it takes courage to come and talk so openly about your experiences, and there is support there for you.Â
The feelings you have are normal, gambling addiction is an illness that you have to recover from. It takes admitting you have a problem which you already have, and then you need the support to help you, and you have come to the right place.Â
There are so many people on here and within the chat rooms that will have been through similar experiences to you.
Keep talking to people, call someone from the helpline if you would prefer, but just know you are alone, and you deserve help and support with your recovery.Â
Kind Regards,Â
jadeÂ
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