Saying 'hi' to introduce myrself

Hi you, welcome to a world where a 'ramble' like that makes all too much sense! Welcome to recovery 🙂

Don't kid yourself that yesterday & today aren't much...They are huge so a massive well done! My recovery started, aged 41, with 3 days in bed (I think) & I have been moving forwards One Day At A Time since then! Strangely, I don't recall the penny pushers @ Margate because BemBom Brothers was the absolute attraction but our dazzling careers sound quite similar if you chuck in a few bingo halls & fruit machine shops into the middle. I am actually quite shocked to hear you have spent 5k in a day...I know I've done 4 figures plenty of times but I don't think I ever hurt myself like that!

There are plenty of tools to aid you & I think you are in a better place that I was when starting this journey to freedom because you know there are triggers & you know identifying them is key so kudos to you! Maybe a phonecall to GamCare would be a good start, to jack up some counselling. GA is deffo worth a consideration, maybe start a diary on here (very useful to while away time if you need to ride out any urges) but the key to progress is acceptance that you can't gamble anymore. You have to draw a line under those losses & put as much effort into recovery as you did to gambling (well, @ the start anyway, it does get easier)! Barriers are great to buy time, get your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle broken by self excluding, cutting off your access to money etc.

Coming clean to loved ones takes away the secrecy on which addiction thrives, telling you you are worthless & convincing you it is your friend...Well, Mr Gamble is a big fat liar! That air you breath is yours by right & you deserve it as much as anyone!

We cannot win because we cannot stop! Set yourself a goal each day 'Just for today, I will not gamble!' & enjoy your recovery - ODAAT

Hey there

Great opening. I came here at the age of 35 having gambled since I was at least 21. Joining here over 3 years ago was a watershed moment and I haven't looked back. Hope it will be for you too. You sound ready.

I too sought to find more about my triggers and undelying cause.
I've learnt a ton about myself and am no longer led by my fear.

Can strongly recommend goal setting. You've shown how committed action has improved your relationship. Same commitment will pay off in other areas including gambling.

Look forward to reading of your progress.

Louis

Hi there, Odaat many thanks for the welcome and making sense of my ramble 🙂

Your comments have given my yesterday and today a bit more value than they were on my own thinking so Kudos to u too! It’s a big yes, yes from me about the odd bingo hall, many a fruity, casinos, or even pounds up the wall, spoof or just simply a coin toss ta boot... The real actual total numbers of what we've done is the horrible and scary bit for me :(( but is it best to forget them or accept them I’m not sure!?! I have hurt myself like that! Far too many times to remember!!!

Tools and aids are also a big yes plz! And I did call yesterday and left a message on the answering machine but nothing of that as yet. Some counseling sounds like the way fwd too. I am willing to get myself down to GA if that’s the right thing for me, I just don’t know what is the best and right things to do, I am just trying more than I ever feel I have to do this! - Thank you mate!

Hi Dean8008 and thanks for the welcome too.
Setting goals and achieving them has never been my strong point, I have many a good idea, but fail to completely follow through! I will certainly look for the challenges on the overcoming section you mention as I do wish to join in with them. I like your Jar idea and can see how that might work so will give it some thought but as I’ve said when things are cracking on, going well and such the jar would potentially be another weapon i could hurt myself with i.e. taking it all out when triggered then hating myself for undoing all the days/weeks/months worth of reward saving!

As for self excluding I go all over the country at different times so it’s not like I have 1 or 2 shops to go into and thus self exclude from so I guess it’s good old will power, the desire to really change (I did it with being faithful, so I know I have it in me)

Thank you again for your important and worthy words of advice / wisdom, I really do appreciate them all.

Can I really beat this addiction?? What would I replace the self loathing with?? What will I have to not like about myself if I beat this?? One day at a time I guess you're right!

Hey there Louis

Thanks for your reply and kind words. I can only dream that I like you can have yesterday as my watershed moment and be on here in 3 years time having kicked all the bad habits and worked towards a far better life!!

Let me say a heartfelt 100% “Well done” to you for your achievement, you should be very proud... I am not surprised you have learnt a ton about yourself and it is so nice to hear of someone not led by the fear they once had of self damage and ruin behaviour..

Any shared experiences of goals/setting will be gladly welcomed, I’m all ears to any helpful advice.

Many Thanks

In answer to the tools, is there anyone you can hand over your finances to? Self exclusion just pushed me to different areas so it's quite difficult when the bookies are our poison as there are so many & you can't exclude from them all. As embarrassing as it is having 'pocket money' @ our age, I couldn't have done it any other way! I sat down with my other half & showed him all of my accounts (there were a lot) & insisted that he monitor the ones I couldn't close @ least daily. I kept hold of the joint credit card which we can see on an App so had I taken anything out of it, I would have been busted immediately! I don't know if things have changed but it had to be a debit card in the bookies all those weeks ago so maybe getting a credit card with the cash withdrawal facility removed may be useful for you...Barclays do one (as I have one for my Mum) but I don't know about any other banks. It gives you the freedom to survive but without the risk of carrying cash or a debit card (or ten)!

I don't know how much I lost, I couldn't work it out if I tried & I don't need to. I don't think I will ever forget the damage I did, it's still important to me because it stops complacency! So yep, accepting them rather than forget is my preferred option but the line drawn is one where I realised that gambling was never going to give me back any of my losses! FFS, a £500 jackpot would barely give me my money back for the particular day & even if it had, I could never walk straight out...Only addicts understand that breaking even is a 'good day' gambling!

I am not a good example to follow as I am one of the very lucky ones...I don't have the debilitating feelings of worthlessness that so many people gamble to escape from & I have never knowingly punished myself by gambling. I also still do the lottery sometimes & the urges I have experienced have been mainly for this & online stuff which I couldn't understand when I tried (be warned Mr Gamble is sneaky...I slammed my 'fruit machine' door so he came @ me with other options). Consequently, I haven't needed to seek out answers as to why I did it, I have just accepted I took a wrong turn & I have been able to use the tools on here to stay safe so far! I am open to other things should I feel my recovery slipping though & I did attend one GA meeting so I could see what it was like & it was amazing...I felt like I'd had a great night out with friends!

GA is tried & tested. Counselling comes in many forms & will help you examine why you do it & hopefully why you feel so poo about yourself. This site is a safe place to come anytime of the day or night to read & learn. There is a chat room every night although there seem to be issues with this @ the moment with not enough spaces. There are no right & wrong ways so start with everything (what do you have to lose) & figure out which bits you need - ODAAT

Hi Wall-y

Welcome to the site and posting your story.

I'm just over two weeks gamble free. So reaching the 1-2 day goals were great. I've probably bet everyday for the last 2 years.

My addiction is online sports betting, not interested in high street bookmakers or casinos. So cannot offer advice on the FOBTs. I hate these machines, they are computers programmed to win! Non addicts say "the bookies always win" why couldn't I get this in to my head!? Because we are all addicted to gambling in different ways. I live on the seaside and loved the 2penny nudgers as a kid, these turned into 5-10p bandits, then 20p plays. What are they now in pubs arcades 50p-£1 ago. Again not interested, all machines programmed to make money. Probably the seed to my problem was planted like you, the feeling of winning money on the bandits!

Your recovery starts now my friend. This site will help you.