Hi all.
Not sure how to start?!?!?
I'm 38 and recently engaged to a fantastic woman yet I find myself here! I don't understand why or how. All I know for sure is I feel very ashamed and embarrassed at my plight. I waist around £3/400 each month gambling on line and have done for well over 18 months. I felt like I was in control because I put a £10 limit on my online account. But now looking at the monthly outgoings as well as going in to high street gaming centres I am far from in control. I borrow from payday loans each month to fund my addiction and things are getting out of hand. I have recently 'come clean' but don't think that us enough. Each month it gets worse. In my head I need the one big win to get back in track but now I am very scared because I have told people I can not keep trying to achieve that. I must pay back next month and will not have enough to last the month. I am very worried.
I have waisted so much money I could have done so much...... Coulda shoulda woulda. Springs to mind but was to weak to change. I want to now but still feel weak. It's early I know but how can I change. My life is close to destructing I'm close to loosing everything.
I prey this start will help. And I will stop my addiction
I started useing this site last week and have found it to be a big help , like you I was ashamed of what I had done and telling my husband was the hardest thing I have ever done , but with his help and support I will get through this . I was doing all my gambling on line and like you wanted that big win but it never came so you just keep going to try and win back what you have lost . Its been 13 days now since I have gambled . I hope you can get through this , you have made the first move by addmiting you have a problem , so good luck stay strong .
Thank you for your words. It's only been 4 days I am so worried I will fail. Now however my fiancé is saying she doesn't know if she can cope. I have lied so much to her and hidden so much. My gambling lead to low self esteem and I found comfort in texting and flirting with other women. It never went past that but now I fear the gambling and my low self worth have cost far more than just money. I am so afraid of the future now. I don't want to beg her I only want her to WANT to stay. Not be forced. I am petrified she will leave. Things are just so dark!!!!!! I can not sleep or eat. Just three meals in 5 days 1 of which I through up again. I am empty and tired but not hungry and can't sleep. So so ashamed and afraid.
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