Lost everything again, in a day, out of nowhere

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(@cardiffsam)
Posts: 4
Topic starter
 

Hello. It’s my first time posting here - my name is Sam, I’m 27 and I’ve just lost all of my savings to gambling again. I lost everything two years ago, found myself in the deepest of holes and depressed for months on end - I somehow managed to pull myself out of this place and found a job which allowed me to save back up.

Yesterday, I lost every single bit of my savings again - in the space of 7 hours.

There are so many aspects to this particular relapse and loss which are making me physically sick and completely hopeless about a way out.

My father was holding all of my money, a few weeks ago I took it back so that I could just hold it in my savings and accrue some interest on it - I can’t even begin to understand why I thought this was in any way a good thing or could ever have a good outcome. When he had my money, I didn’t have the means to lose this much, I went through 14k of my savings yesterday as if it was nothing - each chase bet being so close to coming in and then somehow losing, also tied in with a bit of me having to change selections because the in store machines weren’t offering what I wanted - these changes leading to further losses instead of recovering what I’d lost.

I feel such guilt and shame for taking my money back of my Dad, I can’t believe that I didn’t have the conviction to send it back to him when I started to feel myself slipping back into a relapse this week - this all still feels like a nightmare I’m yet to wake up from. I wish there were a button I could flick to switch myself off and be free of the pain I’m feeling.

I clawed myself out of this hole two years ago, I truly don’t see how I can do it again - I’m not working and I don’t believe I can go through any sort of application process in the state I’m currently in - I know I’m now going to experience a bout of serious depression so I have no idea as to what to do.

I despise the industry with all my might, I hate it so much. I started watching the euros hoping I could just enjoy it, but the constant bombardment of betting adverts draws you back into this horrific cycle.

I can’t even begin to understand how I’ve gone from having all of my money yesterday to absolutely nothing just a day later, everything I did went wrong by just a small margin, I was so close to winning it all back on several occasion, but each time going wrong by a fraction.

Does anyone have any advice, as I’m truly at the end of my tether.  I can’t tell my parents as they’re already stressed with a different situation, it would destroy them if I were to come clean about this. I’ve told my girlfriend and friends and reached out for help, but there really isn’t anything anyone can say is there?

 
Posted : 21st June 2024 2:24 pm
gadaveuk
(@gadaveuk)
Posts: 1807
 

Hi

I was not able to abstain from gambling but was told that when I felt emotionally vulnerable go to more meetings.

My emotional triggers were my anger and pains I could not heal.

My emotional triggers were my fears that I could not face or reduce.

My emotional triggers were due my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations and I use to hurt my self.

My emotional triggers were due to my boredom because I was not being productive in healthy ways.

My emotional triggers were my loneliness due to my fears of emotional intimacy and my hurt inner child protecting him self.

I am a non religious person yet the recovery program helped me became a much healthier person.

Gambling was a way of me escaping when I felt emotionally vulnerable.

Gambling was an unhealthy self destructive habit and very painful stressful life..

Just for today I do not want to gamble.

Just for today I do not need to gamble.

Gambling is not for me in any way.

I want to live a much healthier life today with out any gambling what so ever.

Dave L

 

 
Posted : 21st June 2024 4:52 pm
(@p6z38njbqm)
Posts: 225
 

All I can say mate is you’ve done it before you can do it again. We’ve all been in your spot at some point. Slight variations in the story but all at rock bottom, huge sums spent, no possible way out. We’ve all made it out. There’s never no way out. You’ve told your girlfriend so you’ve got someone to talk to. I would still consider telling your parents. They will definitely not let you go back after this reslapse. They would never allow you to have huge sums of money if they suspected this could happen. Give them control, or your girlfriend, and take the help available on here. Use all the blocks you can. Lock your bank down, go at this hard. It will be tough and there will be tears I sure hit everyone will just want you to get better. This is an illness and you’ve found it hard again, but you’ve come for help and you’ve clearly had a very rude awakening as to how this can catch you out even after a few years. 

Forget the money, it’s gone. Forget how close the bets were, thats just your mind telling you to go back in future to try and win it back. You’ve seen now that you can’t beat the bookies, they will get you eventually unless you completely cut ties. You may feel like you have no future but trust me, I lost everything, as have others, and we are still here, still fighting and many of us now living a normal life. 

I wish you all the best, and please speak to your family. It’s a tough conversation but you’ll instantly feel like a weight has been lifted and feel that you do have hope.

Take care 

 
Posted : 21st June 2024 6:05 pm
Thebean
(@thebean)
Posts: 194
 

@cardiffsam Sorry mate.  I can remember that horrible anxious feeling that you are experiencing right now.  It is horrible.  It will get better over the next few days.

As fish says about stopping and rebuilding...  'you have done it before you can do it again'.  You could be in £10,000 of debt, but you are not.  You are also here looking to get help.

This is an illness and it needs treatment.  I would strongly suggest that you arrange a chat with your GP and see what the NHS can offer you where you live.  Many areas are now offering Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to stop gambling, this is what has really saved me.

May I ask how you lost the money?  It is a large amount in one day?  I am assuming it was online?

You 100% need to put blocks in place.  If you have handed over some responsability for some of your money before (your savings to your Dad) maybe this is another option to try again.

Again echoing Fish, please think about telling your family.  I understand this is very hard but they would want to know and can offer you support.  Don't underestimate those around you.

One last thing is don't be too hard on yourself.  It could be much much worse and you will come through the other side of this.  

All the best and please just vent here if you need.

 
Posted : 21st June 2024 7:12 pm
Tazman
(@tazman)
Posts: 364
 

Been their mate done that gambling is playing trick with you it even made me doubt myself blaming my own luck the truth it took me years to understand i simply cannot gamble responsibly on the bright side your not in any debt, if you can make changes now thing will improve it will take time as other have said it a great chance to put all blocks in place limit you cash as u simply have no control over it, time will be the best healer first few week will be tough, try your local Ga take what ever help u can i did worse after my last relapse got myself into debt i had to fight if the extra urgues to clear my debt however i kept on my recovery am almost a year clean and debt free however im aware of the dangers of the addiction u will improve u have an opportuinty to improve now and honesty is key 

 
Posted : 22nd June 2024 1:33 am
(@287hzyl0pq)
Posts: 58
 

If you cast all the melodrama and regret aside it is only money they print more of it every single day

Yea its a lot but I would be focusing more on what exactly has compelled you to want to blow that amount within 24 hours as it is on the extreme end of compulsion especially if you say its all you have 

I gambled heavily through my 20's it cost me a lot more than money it took 2-3 years of the best time of my life

now I am 30 I don't bother that much with it because I know how destructive it is

Every now and then I will have a random episode where I try my luck but generally I can't be bothered with it

If you can get to this stage you will break free 

 

 
Posted : 22nd June 2024 3:58 am
(@cardiffsam)
Posts: 4
Topic starter
 

Thanks to the responders to this.

To the question re. how I did it, it was all in the bookies as I’ve been signed up to Gamstop and used all ways around that up years ago. It started with a few hundred, I’d been making a bit during this relapse prior to the day I lost it all so I thought I could keep going, within 6 hours that 300 had turned into 3000 and then into 6000, 12000 and finally the last couple of thousand on a desperate long shot to try and win it all back. All on football and each bet along the way I had options, I chose the wrong one each time, agonizingly losing every attempt to win it back. One of the bookies I use also closing randomly during the day which made me miss an inplay shot which would’ve also won me most of it back - everything went wrong to an extent that I still haven’t even begun to comprehend. Like I say, I lost upwards of 25k just over two years ago, I spent 6 months basically in bed wanting to die, this time it’s less money but in a shorter period of time - and coming back from it once was beyond hard so I don’t know how to do it again. I’m out of work, so I don’t even have a clear pathway to doing this.

I’m beyond sick and ashamed of myself for taking my money back off my father, and then not foreseeing this and giving it back to him before I had the chance to let it spiral like this - I only asked for it back so I could earn 3% interest on it in my savings - what a backward decision.

Keep waking up in a panic and dreaming I didn’t do it, I’ve told my girlfriend and some friends but I can’t tell my parents as I know what it’ll do to them to hear this again. I’ve never felt such self hate 

 
Posted : 22nd June 2024 10:06 am
Tazman
(@tazman)
Posts: 364
 

Im now at a stage my understanding of gambling has changed any figure can be lost, some of the figures are not earned in a life time and i now believe i am capable of throwing millions away if i had the means even though i dont have the means to do as as i have admitted defeat to gambling, the only way to win is not to place the first bet as i simply cannot control myself. The way my last relapse went even if i had millions i believe 100% i would lose it all before my last relapse i had already improved but like many i couldnt move forward from the previous relapse so my aim was to recoup it and quit this kept playing in my head and not only did i lose small amout of savings i had i took a loan out and blew that as well, it will take me few years to get back to where i was but that relapse was a wakeup call its the first time i have invested the most time into recovery and my objective now is not to place ant form of bets am now 349 days cleans however i still have the same thinking as i was on day one as i know how dangerous this addiction can get i focus on each day and today i will not gamble

 
Posted : 23rd June 2024 12:23 pm
(@spottydog)
Posts: 68
 

The bookies are supposed to do checks when someones gambling huge amounts. They seem to be using this safeguarding to only stop payouts instead of protecting people. Ring the scheme that bans you from bookies. You email them a photo and they ban u out of all the local bookies they can do nationwide with facial recognitions. Its called moses scheme. Ive done this aswell as gamban app and the gamstop. Its a relief ive gone 18 days now. Once u done this the only way is up. Cant change the past but u can change the future. 0nce u banned from every direction its empowering. Strange thing is im not a reckless person with money when im not gambling. But that makes common sense go out the window

 
Posted : 23rd June 2024 9:00 pm
(@08uy7jeoah)
Posts: 8
 

Hi mate. Hope you're doing okay. I can certainly relate to the rapid losses in a short period of time. Can also relate to the sport 'near misses' issue you describe. My big issue was with tennis. I was replacing ridiculous bets in a short space of time (you can find tennis to bet on pretty much round the clock), often being very close to winning, but ultimately losing more than winning and it completely spiralled. My advice to you would be keep speaking to others. It's very tough, but I've told my wife and recently a good friend and it surprised me the relief of speaking out. I've also been accessing counselling set up by GamCare which has also been good. I've not bet now since February 21st and whilst I'm still disappointed with myself, time is definitely a healer and you are still young enough to turn this around. My competitive nature didn't help me with the betting, so I've now turned this around and am doing things like playing chess in an evening (good for the mind!) and also playing sport regularly. 

The other thing to focus on is that every day you don't bet, you are saving something. It may not always be money that you are saving; it might be emotional energy and I'd say that is just as important. 

Good luck mate. 

This post was modified 3 weeks ago by Autumn leaves
 
Posted : 3rd July 2024 8:36 am
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