2017 My Year

Hi Stephen,
Listen as you said you have been here before so I am not going to preach to you, but.you need to call someone. Call gamcare, call the samaritans but please call and talk to someone.
I've been where you are in the deepest darkest places and I promise you it can get better....you have to work at it but it will be worth it.

Damo

Hi Stephen 2105, sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. Sadly, the only person who can change things is you. You have clearly said that you're sick of living this way, well time to follow through on that statement. It is an awful addiction and horrible what it does to people and how low people feel, but we have to try and beat that and get out of the vicious cycle. If you want this enough, you absolutely can beat this, give it your all and I'm sure (and hope) this time in 6 months you'll look at things in a completely different way. Seems like you've hit rock bottom and as they say, 'the only way is up' you said you work, so you have money coming in which is a great start, just need to battle the not spending it every month. Have you called the helpline? I believe they are very good. I do hope you see a light at the end of the tunnel and battle this head on. Don't like to hear people so down, stay strong and maybe look at other people diaries, those who have also hit rock bottom, but have battled through. Truly hope you can beat this and see that there is another life/world out there other than gambling. C X

Hi Stephen , Mate I was where you are a year ago so can fully understand where your coming from , it's that feeling of no future and nothing ever changing but it can my friend and quite easily , you just have to stop gambling and give yourself enough time gamble free to get your life back on track , give it amonth ? not a huge amount of time and in that month your wages can buy you new shoes and replace those faded trousers and you can start taking more pride in yourself again .

I know I'm making it all sound so simple and from personal experience I know just how hard making that first step of change can be but it can be done, you just really have to want to stop gambling more than you want that next bet that keeps you locked in the same cycle , we can all offer advice as to how it is or has been for us but just like me in reality its only you that can make the change :)) .

Best wishes fella !

i tried chatting to the netline thing on here but the lady had to go on her tea break so didnt bother hanging around.

Dont care about anything, just want to be dead. Not even that upset today. Just wanting to be dead. Cant be bothered with work , having to talk to people anymore, pretending i care. I just want to be dead

Stephen , some words that were passed onto me from someone much wiser when I arrived on this forum .

" Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem " Wise words mate , think about them ? , It is a temporary problem that will go away quite quickly if you make the change and say no to gambling .

Im slowly killing myself. I havent dalth with my headaches and im at a stage now where i wake up with the pain. So dying isnt something im afraid of, im just letting hit happen.

Anyways just needed to vent.

So wouldn't the MRI exam have shown something Stephen and if it had they surely would have given you a follow up call to come back in ? , If it's that worrying Stephen then give them a call so you can find out if you need to go back ? It could just put your mind at rest as I'm pretty sure if they'd have seen something you'd have had a recall by now ? .

Ps , I used to get the most horrendous headaches while gambling , due to all sorts of things , The Stress , worry , playing the machines constantly in the bookies and even the bright lighting can all have an effect , so it doesn't always have to be something sinister Stephen ?

Hello Stephen2105,

Please seek prompt medical attention for your physical and emotional well-being. How about seeing your doctor today?

Are you still based in Dublin? Perhaps you've already spoken with the Irish National Gambling Helpline 1800 753 753

http://www.gambleaware.ie/

If you're based in Britain now, you could call us on 0808 8020 133 for details of free therapy services near you.

Take care of yourself,

Forum Admin.

Fabulous advice Alan 135. I'm with you on the headaches too...had then constantly! Worry, no sleep, stress it's amazing what all that can do to your body. I do hope you seek help Stephen as there is absolutely support out there. C x

I had the MRI exam last xmas.

Its a bit complicated. I went to a GP ( i dont have an actual GP) last year on a different matter. She commentated on my eyes ( i have rolly / wonky eyes) and said botox could fit it. But before that i should go the Eye and Ear hospital and get an eye examination (since i hadnt had one since i was a kid).

At the Eye and Ear hospital the eye doctor said that my eyes couldnt look fully upwards and that this is a sign of a possible tumur. So he arranged an MRI scan at a different hospital.

He couldnt contact me with the results (because i had sold my phone) so he sent me a letter saying i needed to say a nerologist and to bring his letter to the GP to arrange a referal to one.

So eventually i kept money to go back to the GP and she told me the Eye and Ear hospital would have to refer me to the neuroligst. So evntually i realised i was getting nowhere. i havent done anything about it since.

Anyways im jumping off this. Im on this website to just vent and they try redirect me to a different website.

I did notice forum admin tried to divert you Stephen, not helpful. Stephen, I don't comment on your diary normally, but I always look out for it and worry about you when you disappear. You absolutely have to get back to the hospital to sort this out once and for all, no ifs and buts, you must. I do wonder if it is linked to your gambling addiction though - I had almost all of your symptoms when I was gambling, the stress, panic, feelings of worthlessness, headaches and more. Stephen, we do care about you on here, and we wish that you cared about you a bit more. You have to change something fundamental this time, your behaviour seems to go in cycles and predictably, you end up with the same result every time. You know that you will feel better about yourself if you start looking after yourself. The next time you are paid, go buy some clothes, and cut the labels out so you can't return them to the shop like you did before. I don't have any advice regarding the gambling that you haven't already heard a million times over, but you know you have to do something different this time. You've punished yourself enough now, you simply can't continue to do it. You had a fair gf run last year if I recall correctly, what was it that was working then? Have your tried GA yet? I can't talk from experience but it has been really useful for some on here as you know. Please commit to helping yourself Stephen, and truly believing that you deserve better than what you have, because you DO deserve better. If you continue to think of yourself in worthless terms, nothing is going to change. Keep posting Stephen, and stop procrastinating, it's time to sort yourself out.

Twinklyr

x

Hi Stephen. I'm sorry that you're in a bad place right now. I understand how you feel about the response from admin, but it doesn't mean you can't keep posting here. If helps to vent then vent away...it's good to release those emotions and get it all out. Listen, the gambling is obviously a problem. But I'm more concerned about the headaches and my advice would be to make those the priority. To be woken by the pain is a red flag and should be taken seriously. Obviously there was something on the MRI for you to need to see a neurologist. It doesn't mean it's a tumour (many brain tumours don't cause headaches strangely enough). There are lots of things it could be...some more serious than others (some not serious at all)....but you won't know until you get it checked. I know the system is different over there and you have to pay to see the GP. Do you have to pay to see the neurologist too? It's frustrating that you tried to get it sorted and they weren't helpful, but now is the time to try again. Could you phone the GP and the eye hospital to see who needs to do the referral? Or phone the neurologist (they'll have a secretary) and explain the situation and ask who it needs to come from. If you can't do it, is there a friend or relative who could call on your behalf? I know you don't care too much about your health right now, but I care about it on your behalf! I've lots of personal experience of neuro disorders (my mum, sister, nephew)...much can be done. I'd hate for you to leave it too late.

LB x

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