2017 My Year

HI Stephen, please see a GP and keep posting on here as there are some great people who can support you. It's early days for me but I have found comfort in reading other people's success stories which gives you hope. It's clear from other posts people are worried about you as I am.

Hi Stephen

So glad you decided to stay with Gamcare and hope that the chats with people on here are helping you. No harm in a little venting and getting things off your chest might relax you a bit more. You will feel better if you can get those results and see the neurosurgeon. If you go along and make an appointment with your gp to discuss your problems he may well help you with getting results and making appointments with the hospital. If you need a phone just get a cheap pay as you go just to use to contact people like the hospital. You sound very low and maybe your gp could help with that. Meanwhile you should try and look at the positives in your life i.e. I can hear that you are bright and you still have a job so you must be doing something right! Keep talking to the counsellors on here even if you have to wait sometimes. It would be good if you could find someone close to confide in and maybe try not to spend so much time on your own. Make a plan and stick to it - have a really good sleep tonight - in the morning shower, eat breakfast, find the tidiest clothes, go to work and make an effort to socialise with at least one person during the day. Try to arrange that appointment with the gp or hospital. Try to socialise at least once on the weekend or even just go out and walk round the town where you can get bargains with shoes and phones these days, or go to the cinema. I know it's a real effort when you are feeling like this but it is always worth a try. Remember, you are a valuable young person to this society and the gamcare gang seem determined to keep you that way and help in your recovery! Keep talking Stephen and take care.

I cant make any GP appointment because it costs money. Ill have to have another MRI done and that would cost money too. I had money a week ago and decided to walk straight into the bookies. So im not even going to plan to try and get it sorted next month because i cant have or hold any money.

Some of the advice was good but i cant apply it. I leave in a house where they dont even want the dog near me. I told my ma a year ago i was having headaches and had a MRI appointment but she never asked again about it. Not even "how did the MRI go". So im hardly gonna say "look remember last year when i told you i had a MRI, well i decided to ignore it all and stick to the gambling, now that ive lost all my money could you give us a lend"

Stephen, you are obviously in a bad place at the moment- but my moral code couldnt let me read all those messages and not comment and reitterate what everyone else has said. You must get help, if you cant hold onto money- give it to someone to hold onto so you can pay for all your treatment. This is so much more important than giving it to the bookies

Stay safe- hope all works out

Hi Stephen , look buddy you have to decide what's more important to you, another month doing the same thing and gambling it all away or getting your health issues sorted out ? . Your the only person that can decide and as much as I appreciate that your not in a good place at the moment you said you get paid monthly if I'm correct so I'm assuming in the next couple of days your money's going to hit your account , maybe talk to the GP and see if there's a way you can have the cost of the visit sent direct to them before you have a chance to blow it away ? .

Just a thought buddy and as always it's something only you can decide , take care :))

Hi Stephen, I can honestly say that your diary called 'You can fall a thousand times' was one of the first diaries that I read on this site.
I read through your every post and you took me on a roller coaster of emotions which was to be your life at that time.
I had a break from this website for a short while and when I came back on, a few months ago, I specifically looked to see if you still wrote on your diary. Needless to say i realised you didn't.
I have often thought about you since I returned onto this site and wondered how you are doing.
I'm not sure why I'm telling you this other than to make you aware that if I, who is a complete stranger to you, has thought about you, then surely you can start thinking about you.
Your diary touched me. You really are worthy, you sound as though you work hard and deserve a better life. You have proved in the past that you have what it takes to do it. You sounded so positive in the past when you had stopped gambling. I really hope you can succeed in doing it again, gradually build up your strength, sort out your health then hopefully happiness will follow.
All good wishes and take care.

Stephen

Thanks for repying to my post. I spoke to you when you first started posting on here and for a while you did pick yourself up and said you had got the new clothes and making an effort with your work colleagues etc. so you have done it once before so it can be done again. When you say i costs money to see the gp and mri scan etc do you mean travelling expenses or are you charged per appointment where you live? When your next pay comes in write down how much you need to do all this and get that cheap phone and keep that amount aside and go to the gp. This is a competition between you and the gambling and I am sorry to say you are letting the gambling win and it is harming you and your lifestyle. i.e. Goal Score Gambling 1 - Stephen nil) You have hit rock bottom and it is only you now who can decide if you turn things around now to go back up or you sink further into the depths of despair. If your family are not supportive then people on here are and I wish you would look into local GA meetings and google groups in your area. Not only will you be able to share the problem you will meet new people. Please ring the counsellors on here about self exclusion etc and controling finances. Start again today Stephen - make today Day 1 of changing your life and Day 1 of not gambling and keep counting those days and stay on here and keep talking. Oh - and apologies for sounding like a rambling parent but hoping another young person will not be swallowed up by this awful problem. Have a good day and weekend Stephen and keep reading all these posts from people who are offering good and practical advice and make that goal score Stephen 1 - Gambling 0!!

Take care

Gam

Just wanted to check in.

I booked an appointment with the GP for 1 today, since i posted last week and the feedback i got made me think i should really get myself checked out again. So hopefully it goes as well as it can.

However bad i feel about the gambling and my life i dont want constant headaches. So i owe the forum a thanks for pushing me to go back to the GP

Went to the GP, she sounded apologetic for what had happended. She said she would make a few calls and sort it. Had to give her my work number since i dont have a mobile anymore.

She didnt charge me and i thought that was great. Until i walked out of the GP and straight into a bookies.

Im so P****d off at myself. Could have needed that money in the coming weeks. Its bad enough i have to walk every day but to have no lunch or proper clothes im just making life so difficult.

I gave my bank card and passport to my ma. I got a new pin for my card so only she knows the new pin.

I really dont give a s**t anymore. f**k having no clothes, no proper food, no phone , dont even know anyone.

Im done. my ma can get her rent from my card.

i had a dream last night and i was told i was dying , ive been dying since i started gambling 10 years ago. Hurry the f**k up.

And dont hassle me gamcare by tryin to get me to use other sites

Hi Stephen, I'm glad you saw it through and went to the Doctor's and hopefully everything will have a good outcome for you , up to that point it was a pretty positive post until the bit where you walked back in to the bookies again , you said you" don't give a f**k anymore " but I think if that were true you wouldn't be here bothering to post ? You say that you have No clothes, no food , no phone and you don't know anyone but the only thing to blame for that is Gambling and more to the point you choosing to gamble , it's robbed you of friends to talk to , it's taken your money yet again this month , money you could have bought food with and replaced your worn out clothes and shoes ? .

You said youv'e been dying for the last ten years since gambling ? , truth is mate were dying from the moment were born but how you choose to use that time we are all gifted can only be down to one person and your looking at him everytime you look in the mirror and if you don't like what's staring back at you , making you lonely , skint and hungry then change what he's doing to you ? , Gamcare aren't hasseling you buddy their trying to point you in the direction to help yourself live again and just like the people of this site , they don't need any gratitude but just for you to get well again :)).

Start looking out for yourself mate because your the only one that can make the difference .

Yea ive starting looking out for myself by handing over my bank card and passport. Im rambling i guess

Good start Stephen....but more important than that, you need to get yourself healthy my friend.
Start with the headaches but at some point you need to then move onto what causes you to gamble. Till you get to the bottom of it you will never really be able to get your life back on track.
Like Alan said if you didn't really care about yourself you wouldn't be on here posting.
Its not going to be easy but you can sort yourself out.
Damo

The GP will give me a call tomorrow about the headaches. I just have to hope theres no cost involved at this stage.

I could scream. I got some good fortune today with the GP , she was so nice to me. Then i go to the bookies. Im so annoyed at myself.

Nothing wrong with havin a Ramble Stephen , I just want what you owe yourself , a happy gamble free life where the money you earn week in week out goes where it should , feeding yourself properly , clothing yourself which is going to make you feel a whole lot better about yourself mate , it really won't take lomg to start making some small changes that will all add up to a massive life change but your the only one that can do it buddy and the only way it will happen is by just fighting the urges for at least a month , that way you'll see what your able to do with the money instead of chucking it away in a bookies ? .

It took me a while to see the difference not gambling can have on your life but you have to give it a fair chance to start showing itself , I'm not havin a go mate just passing on what I've found out through stopping .

Stay safe Stephen :))

Thanks Alan for taking the time to talk to me. I know i cant have money on me. When i get paid in three weeks im not going to ask for money, just 20e for something for lunch that week. Not going to be carrying money around with me anymore.