2017 My Year

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Thanks team it means a lot.

So i was expecting to have some money left out for me last night so i could buy my lunch and bus fare for the week. Unfortunately my ma went to my nannys so i didnt get the money. Felt frustrated really. Having to depend on other people. That would have put me in awful mood for the week and i would have got my bank card back. But another day wont make a difference.

They are doing a dress down today in work for charity. Everyone contributes 2e. I dont even have 2e. So , as usual, i will have to hide in the toilets when they are collecting the money.

Gambling doesnt just lose you your money, its puts you in weird situations

Morning Stephen , bit of a shame youdidn't get the money you'd been expecting but as I said the other day it's just life mate , throwing a small spanner in the works ! . Could you not borrow a couple of euro from someone at work or put an IOU in until you have it and just say You'd left your money at home by mistake ? Toilets aren't pleasant places to be at the best of times buddy , so I wouldn't fancy hiding out in one :(( .

No i cant ask for a lend really Alan, im already known as the "tight one".

I need to post an update on my earlier 2e drama 🙂

So a lady came around with a bucket collecting the 2e from everyone. I had 46c in my jacket packet , so i just threw that in. No dramas, no hiding in toilets, i gave what i could.

Its just the weird/silly situations that gambling can get you in

Good for you mate , it's about what you have to give at the time , things will change buddy they already are :))

HI Stephen, thank you for posting on my diary, just catching up on yours , you are doing well and I can see the change from when you first started posting, as the days clock up you start to feel better. I think your really hard on yourself at times and that's no good. Well done on not hiding in the toilet , better to give something rather then nothing. take care x x

So apparently the pin code i gave my ma didnt work for my bank card. I was thinking of asking for my passport back and going to the bank today but thats putting pressure on myself.

So at lunch time ill have to ring the bank and ask them to send out a pin reminder for my card. So thats another week without money. Feels like an obstacle for everything i have to do.

But my decision making is getting better. I recognise if i had access to my bank account i would have gambling thoughts. So another week without money is the better decision in the long run. Becuase i want to give up gambling for the long run

Hi Stephen , your post's get better and better mate as the weeks go by :)) You are deffo making some really great decisions my friend and I'm alway's proud to be walking alongside you , your clearing obstacles one by one as though youv'e been doing it for years !!.

All the best Bud and have a great weekend .

Feeling very moody this afternoon.

Dont really have anything in common with the team i work with. There sense of humour isnt the same as mine. Because i spend the weekend on my own and dont have anyone to speak to i really tried to get talking to my teammates.

Finding everything really difficult. This time last month my head would have been going a million miles an hour. Now its pretty dull and quiet and sad. Feeling lonely. Dont know if its the running around i miss or the fear of dealing with why i gambled in the first place.

Can definately see why i seeked an escape in gambling. Even when i had no money i was counting the days till payday. Life is pretty boring and s**t really. Would love a few mates and some banter but even when people chat to me i feel awkward because i,m quiet for most of the day.

I go for tea with some lads who work on a different team so at least theres that. But even that conversation is pretty basic.

Hi Stephen,

You've made me laugh with the 2 euro donation thing and hiding in the loo haha! The situations we get ourselves in eh? And all the time the simple solution was just to be honest and give what you can. Now your head's a bit clearer, you worked that out for yourself. Still really proud of you, especially taking control of the doctors and now you have the appointment (rightly so) so I know that is a weight off your mind.

Life can be pretty boring, embrace the boring Stephen, rather that than the palpitations and nausea that comes following a gambling binge. I've had a c**P week too - nothing I can't get over, we just deal with what life throws at us when it comes. Regarding your team mates, I saw last week that they went out and you felt a bit excluded. What do you think they would say if you casually said to one of them 'I am thinking about joining you all at the pub tonight if that's ok?' - I'm pretty sure, just like with the 2 euro donation, that the outcome would be positive.

Anyway, so glad to see you're still on the straight and narrow, and winning by taking back control! Are you still going to the gym?

Twinks xx

Hello again Mate :)) . Good advice as always from twinks there Bud !

When we stop gambling life can seem dull and uneventfull Stephen , gambling used to fill all those spare hours when you wern't interested in doing anything much , it takes awhile to find things to fill that hole left by not gambling and all you can do is keep trying everything different that comes along , don't expect everything to be all singing and dancing straight away , it's taken me a while to get stuck in to other things to a point that I've got to today where I think " Where did I ever find the time to gamble " , only 2 weeks ago you were in a pretty bad place and my how that's now changed so much , little steps buddy , little steps :))

Stephen,

with the getting along with your team at work, its just a thought but you have been distant from them for a long time while you been engrossed in your gambling life be that placing bets or dealing with the aftermath of losing. the guys around you probably don’t know you and only know you as gambling Stephen. it will take time for you to get to know them just keep trying to interact, its probably as strange for them as it is you they will need to get to know the non gambling Stephen as well.

keep sticking with it bud eventually you will click with one of them and that’s all you need.

KTF

twinklyr wrote:

Hi Stephen,

You've made me laugh with the 2 euro donation thing and hiding in the loo haha! The situations we get ourselves in eh? And all the time the simple solution was just to be honest and give what you can. Now your head's a bit clearer, you worked that out for yourself. Still really proud of you, especially taking control of the doctors and now you have the appointment (rightly so) so I know that is a weight off your mind.

Life can be pretty boring, embrace the boring Stephen, rather that than the palpitations and nausea that comes following a gambling binge. I've had a c**P week too - nothing I can't get over, we just deal with what life throws at us when it comes. Regarding your team mates, I saw last week that they went out and you felt a bit excluded. What do you think they would say if you casually said to one of them 'I am thinking about joining you all at the pub tonight if that's ok?' - I'm pretty sure, just like with the 2 euro donation, that the outcome would be positive.

Anyway, so glad to see you're still on the straight and narrow, and winning by taking back control! Are you still going to the gym?

Twinks xx

Hey twinklyr hope your well.

Yea the crazy situations caused by gambling. it really is mad.

Ah the teammates dont talk about stuff im interested in, the girls talk about the lads in the post room they fancy and the lads talk about there signatures on documents. Id rather be talking about the football .

Yea im still going the gym, find it really helps my mind. Ive been going at lunch time because my mood has been pretty low. Im going after work tonight so i know ill feel better after it. Ill be going over the weekend too, im trying the turn it into a good habit

ALAN 135 wrote:

Hello again Mate :)) . Good advice as always from twinks there Bud !

When we stop gambling life can seem dull and uneventfull Stephen , gambling used to fill all those spare hours when you wern't interested in doing anything much , it takes awhile to find things to fill that hole left by not gambling and all you can do is keep trying everything different that comes along , don't expect everything to be all singing and dancing straight away , it's taken me a while to get stuck in to other things to a point that I've got to today where I think " Where did I ever find the time to gamble " , only 2 weeks ago you were in a pretty bad place and my how that's now changed so much , little steps buddy , little steps :))

Ah i know Alan its just so boring. i have to walk to work (no earphones or anything to even listen to music) , walk home, no phone to even distract me. Last Saturday i was bored after 5 mins of waking up. And then i try chat to people in work and i cant even be bothered really. Ill go the gym after work but thats only because im so bored as soon as i get home. I couldnt even start my diet/fitness plan this week because the bank card wouldnt work for my ma.

With this week being payday week i defo lost focus.