Hello to anyone that may stumble across this.
This is proving very hard to write already. I'm 25 years old and as much as I cringe to say it, a gambling addict. There, a small weight off of the shoulders perhaps? I am hoping that this morning was my last bet ever. I have become a specialist in pulling the wool over people's eyes, and oddly, my own. A kind, considerate, intelligent person by default, until, of course, a betting thought enters my head. Then I become someone else. I switch off, I can't focus on what people are saying to me, I just crave to be at the laptop for my next adrenaline hit. Another 3 figure sports bet just to see me through the next hour or so. It doesn't matter if it wins or loses, it just affects the amount of time that I will gamble until I get my next paycheck. Hopefully it will be quite quick, then I can think of another elaborate lie to tell my parents or friends as to why I can't pay them back this month. My estimations of losses since I was 16 currently put me at circa £100,000. I earn around 28k a year and I may as well earn 5k, the rest will just pass through one of my online betting accounts in an electronic state. I won't see it any other way. When I have money, I'll make upwards of 25 bets a day. I'll start off focused, winning in some cases. Then after a few losses, any human with a tennis racquet in their hand seems to warrant a minimum investment of £100. If I have only £50 and a week 'til payday. You can be relatively certain in the direction said ******** will be heading.
I digress. Now for the positive stuff . . . I'm only 25, what a great opportunity to turn this around, NOW. I'm currently in New Zealand which is a perfect place to keep occupied and get this out of my head. I went on a date last night for the first time in yonks and although I'm not sure if anything will come of it, it was nice to see what could be available to me if I shake this illness and start to do these enjoyable things with my money instead of P*ssing it away to these online wolves. How nice it will be to skype my mum when she receives flowers that I order for her instead of her tearful face before me, wondering how she can send over the £200 that I have again requested as I haven't been paid from work and can't afford the rent (which is of course, a massive lie) In the cold light of day, I can't believe how selfish I have been, it's not like me at all but it has consumed me to the very core. Nobody knows about my addiction apart from one close friend who I don't think took me too seriously as I always back home, found the funds to be down the pub with my friends of a weekend. It stops now, I have a clear head and although I am ashamed of what I have done and have been close to tears before. I now intend to give up completely, total abstinence and move my life away from this. I feel slightly proud of myself for making this step and am confident that it can become a distant memory and I can look back in a few years with a family and be thankful for the lucky escape I have had. I can visualise success and would love to hear from anyone that may be able to help. I in turn, will try to help back. Here we go day 1, failure can't be an option. Thanks for reading, J
You have said it yourself - only 25 years old and in New Zealand with a load of opportunities available to you.
Seek out those opportunities and turn your back on gambling - it ruins lives for those who cannot control it.
You have lost £100,000 - it is gone - forget about it.
I am 47, I have lost £600,000 over the years. It was only when I was 41 I admitted a problem and only now I have got to a point in recovery where I wan to be.
Dont be like me and others and keep gambling wrecklessly for years. You think it is bad now - it will get worse. It affects your finances and it affects you as a person and your relationships and other people.
Take all the help you can get from this Forum and move forward. Keep posting on your diary.
Get blocking software on the laptop and put other blocks in place to prevent you from gambling.
Fill your time with other pursuits, you seem determined, put your words in action.
Hi
I'm a similar age to you and can relate to your story. I consider myself to be an intelligent individual but the amount of money I've literary thrown down the drain, making stupid bets baffles me.
It is a disease of the mind, everyone has there foibles and for us it's gambling. We can't gamble properly. We will never be able to. We will always lose! It's completely pointless. there are so many other ways to get better buzzes out there.
At the moment I am abstaining for my family and friends. Gambling made me selfish and greedy and I'm trying to give something back to the world, by being more generous to the people I love whist trying to help other compulsive gamblers on here. It's early days at the moment but things are going OK. There will be lots of challenges in the future, I know I can't let my guard down but I believe I can beat it. You can too.
Getting a K9 blocker on your PC is essential.
If you feel you're up to it maybe tell a few more people about your problem and get them to look out for you.
Wishing you well in your recovery
West
Thanks so much for your comments Captain & West. Today feels like a fresh beginning. It feels slightly strange not to have the butterflies in the stomach although, when I think about what bets are available, I turn weak at the knees fantasising about players, teams and prices etc. The fact that I know that there is gambling going on is like staying in on a Saturday night whilst your mates are out having the time of their lives. I am going to look into this software now, I think it could help a lot. I have closed all of my online accounts barring two, and they are next on my list as we speak. As you mentioned West, I have to do this for my friends and family as well as myself. I can't carry on being selfish as I have been. I am also looking forward to getting off of auto pilot at work and actually start to try and make something of myself. Yes, I owe money to others but I still think I could bank a couple of hundred a month and watch it grow. It just seems to burn a hole though, whether it be £10 or £1000, the whirlwind mistress Gambling, takes the lot in a scary, frenetic few hours that I can barley remember afterwards leaving me to cut a hollow, exhausted, pretty pathetic shadow of a man. Here's to the first day of a new life. I wish every success to the pair of you and will be reading your diaries if that is ok? Cheers, Jam
Well that is two days done. 2 days gamble free and have had an enjoyable couple of days. Had a lot of thoughts along the lines of 'just have one more weekend of betting and start properly on Monday'. Deep down I know this can't be done, I need to make sure that my last bet is behind me and not in the future. Managed to fill my time up yesterday but am a bit bored today. Might go and join the gym.
J
Hi downunder,good to see you have came on to this site.jst like yourself I have lost thousands of pounds over the years.i put my last 560 on a 2nd division football game y.day trying to get back some of my loses but as u know the story to well it lost.had to let my wife buy a takeaway for me,her and my 3year old.felt like jst crying there and then.i have been on this site a while ago and thought it cured me,i left thinking I could control my bets but now 3k in debt I guessed I cant.:-( hope u are still bet free mate,this is day 1 for me so I will be on here every day I can.will look out for you. Take it easy
Scottyboy
Hi Scottyboy. Good to see you on here. I know the feeling with the sickening losses. I have had to fake illness to avoid holidays as been to the bookies before the bus left and spent all the money before now! Such a worthless feeling. Still bet free mate, coming to the end of the 3rd day. Been tough today as was quite bored but managed to grit my teeth and get on with it. Stay on here and keep posting and I will too. Nice that we are at the same stage of recovery and we can help each other I hope. Will check on your diary tomorrow. It's nearly midnight here and got work in the morning so got to get some shut eye . . . just wanted to write on here. Have a good day mate and picture that day when you walk in the door and you will have the means to surprise your missus and nipper to something nice or take them away on hol etc. That feeling you had yesterday will be a distant memory and you will feel on top of the world. It will happen , I'm counting on you : ) Take it easy . . . Downunder
hey Jamdownunder congrats on getting to the site, your story sounds all to similar to me.
I have also moved to the southern hemisphere, although i am based in Australia.
in my experience the first three weeks are the hardest, once you get past those, things get easier. Get a pay check under your belt that doesn't go to the bookies or online, treat yourself,set short term goals and rewards.
i remember i set a target of making it 1 week and if i made it i would buy myself $140 trainers, Now the thought of buying $140 trainers made me feel terrible however i would have no issues getting $3000 out of the bank and heading to the casino to lose it all. SO i made it... bought the trainers and it felt really good.
As time goes by your money and debts look after themselves, urges lessen.
My next target is 100 days... the reward will be a trip to thailand.
Works for me
best of luck
Thanks for the message TALBS. The reward system is one I shall be definitely from now, what a great idea. Sadly, I don't write with good news. Tried to cancel my last Winner account online and they offered me a £20 free bet to keep it open. I convinced myself that the free bet wouldn't hurt and I could just do that and take the profit More fool bookies I thought. Wrong. I did that plus £230 into the account and everything was undone quicker than it was built. I feel foolish and angry but determined to kick on and now know that my guard must be kept up. Writing at the end of day 1 again here. Joined the gym and no real urges which is testament to be being busy I guess. Day two to follow tomorrow and there will be no gambling.
Hi Jam,
Just a little note to say take each day as it comes, we have the physical power not to gamble.
I can assure you it does get better, the urges haven't yet gone completely but by rewarding myself and getting back passion for other things in life, the time soon passes by.
Set yourself some goals or write a list of things you'd like to do now you have more time free because you aren't gambling, this is time that's precious to you.
A wise man once told me you can spend time but you can't earn it, I've remembered that throughout my past month of no gambling.
Start again, keep strong, move forward.
Laura
Pick yourself up dust yourself down and get back on the gamble free wagon 😉
Thanks for kind words on my dairy
Scottyboy
Ok. I'm firmly on the wagon this time. No gambling today. Didn't even know the football or cricket scores until this afternoon when they came up on the lunchtime news. I'm normally up all hours through the night watching and betting on them live due to the time difference. So it was nice to have a full nights sleep. No work today but went to the gym and kept busy. Not been close to slipping today. Even though I only have a small amount of money at the moment, it would usually go to the bookies. Instead I have joined the gym and went out for dinner with friends tonight. Feeling like I can do this . . .
The challenge is to get to exmas then kick on from there. 😉
Day 3 drawing to a close now. Going bed in a sec. Minimal urges today as been to the gym and played football tonight. Wish every day could be this easy but I'm armed to fight tomorrow should it be required. Have a great day all, stay strong : )
Well done getting back on track mucker.next sun is the 1st xmas challenge check in.looking forward to hearing from you.wish you all the best jam.
Complete the challenge I guarantee you will have a good xmas with some spare money this year.
Scottyboy
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