Oldhamktf wrote:
Evening SBB, thanks for dropping by yesterday.
I've been following your progress since last year and you've done great. When I first came here in My first post that that I would love to post on the success diary page. To be completely honest you made me chuckle when you posted on there after a month but hey your doing great and I see your posts and support to others and they are great. Your last post is a great one shows real clarity in your thinking, as one wise diarist one here writes keep stepping forward and not back which you certainly appear to be.
KTF
Thank you Oldham, Im assuming the KTF whilst relevant here relates to a Northern music genre ?
I was at the 35th anniversary of Wigan Casino in Blackpool tower ballroom two years ago 🙂
I am quite a headstrong fella at the best of times, so now that I see gambling as the enemy, i wont let it back in.
I have a major issue on the home front which is keeping me on my toes, but bar that life is good and each step i am taking feels not only forward but upward.
As Dean Parrish sang - Im on my way 🙂
Sbb
KTF keep the Faith more football than religious.
Thanks SBB...I know I have a problem, gambling isn't just a bit of fun, it gives me a buzz, who in their right mind thinks of a casino as a refuge, a safe place? I will sort this x
Twenty one years ago today, my first born, my wonderful son came into this world.
I have watched him grow and flourish from a timid little thing into a 6 foot three rugby playing hulk.
He has watched me too, getting animated at sport, shouting at the spinning wheel on my laptop, adding more little blue pens to the kitchen drawer.
I am proud of how I have brought him up, he is a gentleman, but I can already see he has picked up the gambling bug...like father like son.
He as a good job and a steady girlfriend and generally seems stable for a young lad.
However, like a cat bringing its owner a mouse, he seems hell bent on telling me about his wins and close misses gambling.
His mates appear to gamble too, and i know if not wired up like me, its simply an expensive pastime, but i worry that I may have stoked his interest and that he IS wired up like me.
I have told him how much it has crippled and restricted me over the years, have told him i am now fighting the illness, every time he trys to tell me anything about his bets i cut him off and tell him to stop wasting his money.
Feeling proud of my young man today, but now aware of another damaging part of this illness - It can draw others into the mire as well.
Just a cautionary thought.
Sbb
Happy 21st to son of SBB...I am sure you will continue to guide him wisely x
I worry about that genertion as well....there phone's are an extension of them....and so many see gambling as a fashion thing I think....
All we can do is warm them....untill all gambling sites carry the same sort of logo as f**s..
" gambling can be highly addictive"
Much more sense than
" when the fun stops" nonsense
Blocked out word was only f..a..g..s
Lol
The slang for cigarettes ! 🙂
I had a dream last night that Christina Trevallion asked me to go halfs on a £16 accumulator.
In the dream, i didnt think twice, i went straight to my pocket and gave her the money.....but do remember feeling guilty.
Imagine dreaming about putting a bet on with her, with all the other things we could have been doing !
I know it was only a dream, but was it the lure of the naturally beautiful English rose, or my addiction that made me submit ?
Got me wondering what I would have done if the situation had been real (chance would be a fine thing) ?
Seems to me one way or another this dream had a message for me....i may not yet be as strong as i think i am, whether the female temptress or the evil gambling, in my dream i gave in, and broke my pride and 130 day resolve.
So Its no more Bargain Hunt on IPlayer for me, that woman is obviously a minx !
And Gambling, if you are tempting me with hot women you are getting desperate - all that tells me is i have you beaten.....by abstaining I am a winner.
(I actually far prefer Suzannah Lipscomb anyway)
Have a wonderful weekend all, stay clean and mean.
Sbb
Delighted that your brain is refocusing in an infinitely more enjoyable way of thinking Sbb 🙂
Today I wake up to the wind and rain lashing the sash window of my room.
Its Sunday and everyone else appears still deep in sleep, oblivious to the morning's impending gloom.
I have a mound of work to complete before tomorrow, and face a stressful week ahead.
But I note that something is different, as I lay here contemplating in my bed.
I dont mind the weather or my workload, I appear to be content !
No more bitten nails, broken dreams or a pocketful of lies.
No more sleepless nights, mounting debt or tears behind my eyes.
Its a wonderful feeling, no longer gambling beyond my means.
It was not money I was gambling with, it was my future, my hopes and dreams.
You stripped me of my dignity, you stripped me of my pride,
But now I'm standing tall again, no longer I will hide.
I have now escaped these painful shackles, the heavy chains the same.
No looking back, only forward, as I move to higher planes.
Sbb
Skyblueblue wrote:
Today I wake up to the wind and rain lashing the sash window of my room.
Its Sunday and everyone else appears still deep in sleep, oblivious to the morning's impending gloom.
I have a mound of work to complete before tomorrow, and face a stressful week ahead.
But I note that something is different, as I lay here contemplating in my bed.
I dont mind the weather or my workload, I appear to be content !
No more bitten nails, broken dreams or a pocketful of lies.
No more sleepless nights, mounting debt or tears behind my eyes.
Its a wonderful feeling, no longer gambling beyond my means.
It was not money I was gambling with, it was my future, my hopes and dreams.
You stripped me of my dignity, you stripped me of my pride,
But now I'm standing tall again, no longer I will hide.
I have now escaped these painful shackles, the heavy chains the same.
No looking back, only forward, as I move to higher planes.
Sbb
Wow SBB....I love those words, you seem to be in such a good place mentally ...I envy you.
Thank you.
Mari x
Wonderful, inspiring, thought provoking, heartfelt words. Thank you sbb, we all aspire to be where you are now x
The maddening mist rose ever so slightly in the starkness of the morning after.
Through the haze, head and eyes still aching from the self harm of the evening before, I caught a glimpse of something in the distance.
Having stared for a while a shape started to form, slowly at first, then suddenly with absolute clarity.
It was a vision of my future, smiling faces, laughter, good health and contentment..........then in an instant it was gone!
Like when just before a Tsunami the sea withdraws to reveal the wonders below, before returning to destroy everything and anything in its path forever.
For a split second I had seen what I should be, what I could be !
And in that moment I decided I would be !
Each day since, I have battled hard with the demons within and the monsters that surround me.
Stopping and considering every tiny decision to ensure where possible I am making the right moves and taking the correct steps towards the future I saw and so dearly desire.
Its been tough tough challenge so far, as I am fundamentally changing who I am, what I have become, the things I do and say and the people I spend time with.
But I am winning, the mist is lifting, that vision I caught a glimpse of last October is now in my line of sight, and as each day I move a fraction closer if offers more clarity and appeal.
As I move forward towards my goal, I occasionally look back to where I have come from, but every time I do its harder to see and harder to remember as its very foggy over there, and the sunlight here is beginning to blind my eyes !
No more need to look back, forward I go.
Sbb
Thank you for this wonderful post Sbb. I can tell it hit the spot because I've re-read it twice already. I could picture every scene you vividly painted.
I'm wondering if you fancy writing our 100-day challenges' daily 'motivational message'; I'll provide the stats, you the message? I think our group would benefit from your daily thoughts.
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