A thought a day...to keep me away.

Mixer wrote:

Thank you for this wonderful post Sbb. I can tell it hit the spot because I've re-read it twice already. I could picture every scene you vividly painted.

I'm wondering if you fancy writing our 100-day challenges' daily 'motivational message'; I'll provide the stats, you the message? I think our group would benefit from your daily thoughts.

Happy to give it a go Mixer.....I have some time this weekend, let me get the creative juices flowing and ill get back to you with a proposed approach 🙂

Thanks for your post SBB....thank you for sharing your vision, as it shows what can lie ahead for all of us if we are prepared to put in the work x

Skyblueblue wrote:

Today I wake up to the wind and rain lashing the sash window of my room.

Its Sunday and everyone else appears still deep in sleep, oblivious to the morning's impending gloom.

I have a mound of work to complete before tomorrow, and face a stressful week ahead.

But I note that something is different, as I lay here contemplating in my bed.

I dont mind the weather or my workload, I appear to be content !

No more bitten nails, broken dreams or a pocketful of lies.

No more sleepless nights, mounting debt or tears behind my eyes.

Its a wonderful feeling, no longer gambling beyond my means.

It was not money I was gambling with, it was my future, my hopes and dreams.

You stripped me of my dignity, you stripped me of my pride,

But now I'm standing tall again, no longer I will hide.

I have now escaped these painful shackles, the heavy chains the same.

No looking back, only forward, as I move to higher planes.

Sbb

I love this SBB, exactly the way I feel when I wake up at the weekends also. Hope you're well. PA

Thank you for your thought-provoking post just now on the 100 day challenge thread, Sbb. Y'know, one of those every day will be such a tonic for everyone I have no doubt...

I'll continue with the stats (from Saturday when I'm back), but allied with your prose will really elevate the thread and what it can do for us all. Any further thoughts that you have about this Sbb, I'm all ears 🙂

Back in 1979 as a 12 year old, while on an Easter break my father (who hates gambling) asked me to pick a golfer in the Masters as he would put £2 on for me (As i was a bit of a golfing prodigy back then).

I picked Fuzzy Zoeller at 200/1 - the rest is history !

My next bet was at 17 while working as an office Junior in a big company.

One of the senior manager's used to send me to put his bets on at lunchtime, every day.

One day I stuck £3 on a horse called Tinkersfield @ 33/1 and listened to the hurdles race on the blower (no televisions back in 1984), the rest again is history.

By 19 i was a betting shop manager with the big red bannered company beginning with L (I refuse to even type the word), and sport and gambling was my way of life.

In 1987 as an 20 year old i placed £20,000 (inheritance money - equivalent of £50k today) on Ajdal to win the 2000 Guineas (6/5 favourite), the rest is history - it finished 5th and i soon decided to change career.

And so began nearly 30 years of convincing myself it was only a matter of time until i won it back.

I reckon Fuzzy Zoeller and Tinkersfield have cost me somewhere in the region of £300k over that time, but more importantly caused my family and myself not to have what we could have/should have had over the years.

I have always had a high powered high paid job, but with a grand a month addiction, life at times has been a struggle.

This last four months has been a true awakening.....i have never felt happier or more in control.

Just such a pity it took me 30 years to stop putting my hand in the fire !

So what has gone is gone, but I am going to make sure that i make the very best of every single day that i am afforded on this spinning rock.

I still have to take five/ten minutes every morning to steel myself for the challenges and temptations of the day ahead - but i find it managable as i only have to get through the day in question.

So its goodbye Fuzzy, goodbye Tinkersfield, goodbye Mr Pearson and goodbye Adjal - it took one long long time but i have paid my price and learned my lesson.

I am just about to start my Indian summer and by god i intend to enjoy it based on hard work and endeavour.

No more, no less !

Sbb

Hi Sbb, I can certainly resonate with you and daresay many of us have their own Fuzzy that appears to represent a free money windfall that, sadly and brutally, when reflecting way after the event, tends to have a very painful long-lasting sting in the tail.

Mine was Little Pouviere, GN horse back in the 80s that won me a fair sum at the time - and paid the price ever since!

Stand up that man and take a bow.....

What an individual your are. Can I just say on a side note, I am sorry to agree Mari, but am so glad you made the comment about the Guinness, the English do not know how to pour a pint of it, and it seems to have got lost in translation coming across the water...

Back to topic...SBB what a revalation you really are...The promotion at work came up, because your attracting it, your attracting all the goodness and special times into your life...and for that I am thrilled for you. It has been a long road with many turnings but you have chartered your way through..

Ah the motivation.

Julie

Im now at the point where I am no longer counting the days, I am making the days count.

645am and making plans...changed days indeed !

Sbb

Never mind a daily motivational message sbb - you should be writing a novel!!!
I for one would look forward to reading your 'creative' results from this weekend!! x

A Boat Leaving Stockholm

The monster is evil, it rages, hurts and belittles.

I hate that monster so much.

Most of the time the monster is peaceful, so much so that it lulls me into forgetting what it has done and will do again.

The monster is selfish and vindictive, she has no emotions, clinical in her delivery.

If I only had to deal with the monster, I could cope, I have plenty experience!

But the monster's reach now stretches to my children, she taunts them, and thoughtlessly scars them mentally with her selfish actions.

The monster is now part of all of us, and to sever her would be painful.

We would however live the life we deserve, while left alone she would die.

We would not be whole, but what we had would be wholesome.

Then what if the monster is ill ?

What if I severed her just when she needed us most ?

How then would I feel ?

It could be called compassion, then again it could well be called Stockholm Syndrome!

Incognito, I met a custodian of an escape plan recently, they can help but its pricey.

But I cant afford to pay the ferryman right now.

So I will have to lay low for now, almost accepting the pain and despair that the monster dishes out along with the microwaved dinners.

Meanwhile I will squirrel and save every last penny to get us to where we need to be.

Furnish the ferryman to get us to saftey, on the other side and free.

Sbb

Keep squirrelling my friend. If the monster is ill, there is help out there, but the monster must reach out. Your children are your priority, you have a responsibility to protect them, physically, mentally and emotionally; they are observing the monster, they are learning how to cope with life. The Monster teaches them it is ok to abuse those we love, you must teach them that loving someone does not mean that you have to accept abuse, be a victim. Hope you are having a good day.

Morning and thank you for your kind words on my diary. Wow just read your last post, you have such a way with words they really grab the reader. I'm pleased your doing so well, come along way and I really hope you can sort your other problems out but remember you still have to look after you x proud of you, it would be so easy to slip back given the other challenges you face at t**s x stay strong and positive.

Skyblueblue wrote:

A Boat Leaving Stockholm

The monster is evil, it rages, hurts and belittles.

I hate that monster so much.

Most of the time the monster is peaceful, so much so that it lulls me into forgetting what it has done and will do again.

The monster is selfish and vindictive, she has no emotions, clinical in her delivery.

If I only had to deal with the monster, I could cope, I have plenty experience!

But the monster's reach now stretches to my children, she taunts them, and thoughtlessly scars them mentally with her selfish actions.

The monster is now part of all of us, and to sever her would be painful.

We would however live the life we deserve, while left alone she would die.

We would not be whole, but what we had would be wholesome.

Then what if the monster is ill ?

What if I severed her just when she needed us most ?

How then would I feel ?

It could be called compassion, then again it could well be called Stockholm Syndrome!

Incognito, I met a custodian of an escape plan recently, they can help but its pricey.

But I cant afford to pay the ferryman right now.

So I will have to lay low for now, almost accepting the pain and despair that the monster dishes out along with the microwaved dinners.

Meanwhile I will squirrel and save every last penny to get us to where we need to be.

Furnish the ferryman to get us to saftey, on the other side and free.

Sbb

I came into this world the first born of a monster. Scarred mentally for life.

I escaped only to find another monster...I coped for awhile, I had plenty of experience.

I escaped again only to find another monster, I coped for awhile, I had even more experience.

I tried to help, were they ill.... they wouldn't be helped... now I'm my own monster, damaged goods & messed up mind.

I've spent years with monsters and both myself and my children continue to pay the price.....

If only I'd paid the ferryman.......I'd pay him today to take away the past.

Squirrel away but never accept.

Your Indian Summer Awaits.

Freedom awaits.

Mari x

Hi Sbb

Your ferryman is but another side of you, logical yet subjective. He might have a price in mind, but in a year's time the price might go up, and then the following year another rise and/or change of conditions, and so on... so watch out, because, before too long, you may find yourself still sitting on the dockside, wondering if you'll *ever* open up a fresh new chapter in your life... So do make sure the price is - because of your subjectiveness - fixed, achievable and flexible...

Should you start a new chapter and, of so, when? The ferryman will tell you. Can any flexibility be built into any terms? Ask him. He is your negotiator; and your consience, too....

Thank you all for your comments on my thoughts yesterday.

I will continue to put money aside in preparation for what sadly seems inevitable.

On a positive note, I stood on the scales this morning and have lost 19lbs since new year 🙂

I hope to start spending some cash on a new wardrobe before too long!

I am really starting to enjoy the simpler things in life.

I used to think contentment was found in desiring to amass and accumulate,

I now realise the secret is actually to desire less.

My creativity is on the way back and have managed to write a a whole chapter of my book this week....which is more than I have managed in the last three years.

Onwards and upwards

Sbb