Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hiya Duncs...

Sunshine got lost somewhere over France..seriously! thats a fact..

Great to be back and torrential here too but it is the north so we always have a gondola spare in the garage along with a few dinosaurs to get around on...lol.

Thank you for reading my first diary... Brave Brave man..I was in a very dark place....you are right..I have come a long way from that place.

I cant read it Dunc..its too painful ...but I didn't delete it as I know it serves as a benchmark as to how far I have come.

I once approached GC to delete it but didn't in the end.I look at it more now as a historical document almost like medical records.

All still here and still going strong...also missing our fairy but know she will be back with us...and hopefully with some sunshine atop that wand .....

Brought her up some hot choccy ..

keep on keeping on...

one more sleeps to Dots xx

evening diary.

Well locked up and up stairs showered and ready for bed this running a place is easy LOL. Seriously the weather washed all but a dozen punters away today so felt like a day to catch up with the staff and check we are all singing off the same hymn sheet.

Had a good chat with one of the front of house supervisor who remarked that I give my all every day and my arrival has been nothing but good.and when I explained that I am a recovering cg they were shocked but commented that they lost a parent to drink and well done to me for facing my addiction as there parent gave up,so today 35 minutes away from being 5 calendar months gamble free I feel like I grew an inch and will stride toward that light.

thanks all for your support looking forward to a busy sunny day tomorrow!!! either that or my restaurant will be the one floating toward the ilse of wight!!! Still we can catch bruce that way LOL,

oh and sorted some tickets to see bloc party in october for me Sarah and joe now that would not have been an option 5 months ago.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Note to self 4 months smoke free tomorrow too no having one to celabrate LOL

Hi Duncs, thanks a lot for your kind comments. Everyone's got horror stories, mistakes in their lives, it felt carthartic shedding some of mine. It's what we do we those 'mistakes' which is important. Balls and change or a kickstart to better things. I've been dipping in and out of your journey for a while now and it's always amazed me how you've faced up to things and turned things around. You sound like a good, decent man who works hard and really appreciated your family, especially the dog. I hope the restraint is a success you're certainly putting every ounce of your fibre into it. Another thing I admire as well is how you've managed to give up smoking. Two addictions tackled at once. Consequently both your physical and mental health must be in a much better place. Your not stepping forward Duncs you're striding forward. Wishing you all the success for the resteraunt, you certainly deserve it, Steve.

Hi Duncan,

I hope you are pinned down at your restaurant, it is very windy here but the rain has stopped. What type of restaurant have you got and do you spend most of your time at the front of the restaurant or in the back cooking?

In 5 months you have learn't how to live properly again and most importantly, focus on work your family and the dog.

Always enjoy reading your posts and receiving your supportive posts on my diary.

Have a good weekend and keep up the very good work, everyone is proud of your achievements and we are all following in your footsteps, the best we can.

All the best, Andy (Wilsy)

"I feel like I grew an inch and will stride toward that light."

Superb comment and I can certainly relate to this after today's events!

Onwards and upwards!

NT

HI Duncs,

Thank you as always for your support, keep on striding forward duncs im right behind you.

Blondie 🙂

Evening diary.

Just finished day 3 in charge, had a good day we have bonded as a team right across the building today and I know this will stand us well in the future and I can see the results around the building it seems

everyone is going the extra yard to show they can make things better. I have to confess today I snuck out at 5.45 am and went home for a cuddle with my Sarah I have struggled a bit not seeing her last thing at night and the first thing in the morning but rest assured that old proverb "absense makes the heart grow fonder" is true to its word and next week I will be all out to get back the time spent away this week!!! and dear Hovis I thought his tail was going to wag off!! we snuck over the field to re-create last nights football match lol.

So the weekend begins please let there be sun sun and sun, I noticed that fairy did sprinkle some on the forum today !!!! lets hope it turns the same outside.

Enjoy one and all Four more sleeps then home !!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

....Found.......dogs tail.......(wagged off)......thats 2 dogs tails there Duncs as my little wuff has gone from sulking to wagging....

Hope the weather is not keeping the covers un covered...no worries though as july is going to be Indian summer by all accounts....al fresco dining for all!

T minus 4 days and then homesville to your good lady and family......

take care Duncs and keep watching the skies for our fairy xx

wuffs xxx

Morning diary.

Up and raring to go going to be a long one today I dont get to lock down till 1am as we have an extended licence and a private party to cater for.

I have been thinking alot about appearence today and what it does for a person, I used to have a constant five o'clock shadow whilst at it,wore the same clothes for years,owned one pair of shoes and generally looked like a fella who had fallen through a hedge backwards. I guess this is to do with self esteem, today I obsess about looking sharp in and out of work, I shave often wear decent deodrant,aftershave(well when my boys have not borrowed it all!!! question how can you borrow after shave cant put it back once used LOL) and this week bought a decent coat(in sale LOL the prudent recovering cg) to go with the other clothes I have gained since quitting. Why:?because I have my self-esteem back!! and the response people do take you seriously, strange as I dont judge a book by its cover as I used to but the feeling of being respected more because you appear physically is a nice one all the same.

So off to braise some lamb shoulder and make a start on the days prep!!! coffee first and cooking breakie for the staff at 11 giving them all a lay-in.

Hope you all enjoy your weekends I know looking the part I will.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

DMac,

I like your post. I am also experiencing the same things. I am starting to buy new clothes and new items that I wouldn't have in the past. I don't know if it is anything to do with self esteem for me but I am sure I have experienced the benefit of improving my life in one department and now I am trying to improve all other departments. I think this is the same thing. We want to feel better, do better at work, feel fitter, look better, look healthier as I said basically excel in all departments.

Keep up the good work.

Well done with the smoking.

Tomso.

hi Dunc.....

I think your absolutely right there...I've also seen a real turn around in people whe they get there self esteem back and its a great feeling of being back in the driving seat...

My ex went downhill and used to look like a scruffy teenager and sometimes smell and wear the same clothes for days...Ironically he wanted me to look perfect but lets not go there....LOL

So...I am chuffed to bits that you are enjoying clothes and feeling dapper..no doubt your Sarah thinks she has a new man and someone to go shopping with ...lol ! ..every womans dream .

I always see it as like when you see tv footage of hostages coming out of underground lock ups ...squinting and unshaven .. I suppose that is not far off the reality..as gambling must feel like being held hostage?

Your are free now Duncs and am sure everything looks,feels and tastes far better...you're in the land of the living...always forward and never back and the sun is shining on you ...

futures so bright....you gotta wear shades.

Rach and Doo xxx

Morning diary, quick dip to say all went well just cashed up a five figure day off to bed for a few hrs and sunday lunch to get ready.

Duncs stepping foward never back.No bet today.

Morning Duncs,

Thanks for my post as always 😉

Hope you got a few hours, i could do with that , not sleeping well again !

Self Esteem , know what you mean , i'm starting if a bit slowly to gain some back, was with a work colleague who said she would never know that i had none as i appear soooo confident but hey i suppose as cg's we are so clever at covering so much up !

So Dunc nice too know you are now clean shaven and even have a new coat lol

Ohhhh Harold lol lol , i really don't think i could give up at the moment but one day and for me one addiction at a time, just got to get the hang of the rolly's now lol lol

Wish Sarah, you and the kids a great day

Smiling Lucy

It's all good being able to look good on the outside but appearances can sometimes be deceptive.

What really matters is how you feel on the inside.

Your recent posts certainly show that you look brilliant on the outside and the inside and it's so good to hear that your self-esteem is improving.

This just goes to show what life IS like when we don't gamble.

So why gamble?!

That establishment of yours sounds enticing!

NT

Afternoon diary.

Grabbing a sit down some well earnt lunch and a catch up on gamcare before I finish kitchen service and tonight I will help run the bar whilst keeping an eye on the footy. Nt my restaurant is enticing the English rib of beef I just ate is fantastic and eldest is enjoying his just the same. I do feel good on the inside and know this shows outside to,last night I had to deal with a very drunk rude customer who tried to intimidate me into an argument, he picked the wrong bloke, fair enough a year ago I would have not thought twice and joined in, yesterday I was polite and dealt with it in a manner that left the guy no choice but to leave and in doing so the rest of the customers had a great evening, to boot I have 8 pints of the black stuff in credit bought by happy punters as a thankyou, i will take them with my staff post service thursday when the owner returns and I relinquish the keys, I do drink and enjoy it but not when on duty and I am in the mindset of 24/7 until his return.

Friday off to wind down.Cant wait to see sarah and hovis and sleep in my own bed!!!!( Maybe sleep lol) Shall spend friday looking for a netbook as my reward, well if the rental o this one does not come in to high!!!LOL

Duncs stepping forward never back.

NO BET TODAY.