@j5a6meyr4z agreed im enjoying all the perks that come with being gamble free we have a new cinema which is next to Spoons before i wouldnt have thought too deeply i noriced they have put fobt machines as well as fruit machines as soon as i noticed them i went back into the cinema i had about 40 mins before the movie was going to start it scary as in my situation that what i am addicted to and their a chance had i stayed in their a relapse could have happened so i avoided this situation the issue am having now places like this should all be included in the moses sadly they cant include this as they state it your responsibility am at a stage now any business that profits over this i dont want to do any business with i have become abit extreme in this sense
Day 460.
What a week!! Out of nowhere, I got told by my line manager that I would be going on 6 weeks block passport training and then a further 6 weeks training on passport calls! 😲. This was supposed to be this coming Monday then I was told I would be joining a new group of starters Wednesday gone!
Apparently, as there was a training recruitment freeze when I started last August, I received just a two week “whistle stop your” training and then was launched straight onto my department - what an experience that was!🥴. So I was informed by my line manager that as I was the only one to start without all the usual entry training, I was treated as the Guinea pig so to speak and they now realised that this is not the best practice.
I didn’t know what to think of it all to be honest, other than both my line manager and her manager have been bending over backwards to be extra nice/supportive towards me! 🤷🏻♀️. Lessons learnt maybe? Anyway, I will take it as a positive as this also gives me another 3 month extension (originally given a 6 month contract). I have also been told by both managers that I will then be returning to their department and not having to stay on passport calls. 👌. At almost 63, it’s a lot to take in and a lot of information to retain but I am with a lovely new bunch of people so that’s good 👍.
My current team have also been lovely to me and agree that this should have happened on day 1 but hey ho. Yesterday, our manager even came to collect me to do some “armchair yoga” with the rest of my team!! What does that tell you?🤨. It was also one of our team colleague’s Birthday so I had baked a special cake for him and there were lots of treats and I was able to join them for the cake cutting and to grab some treats myself 😋.
So…….. I sit here now, not knowing completely what to think of it all 🤨. I will however, take some positives from it:
1. It keeps me in a job longer
2. I will receive the basic knowledge I never received at the start
3. I feel loved by my colleagues
4. I get the impression my two managers feel bad for me about it
5. I have been told I will be returning to my department.
Another good thing about being on this training is that we get an hours lunch every day, loads of breaks and I can leave the minute that clock strikes 5pm!👌😆. Couldn’t have come at a better time, given Wimbledon is on all this week and next 🎾🍓. Also, at the end of my first 6 weeks block training, I will then be flying off to my sister’s villa! 🛫. I was going to cancel this as I am the supposed to be going up onto the passport calls floor but both my managers said “absolutely not” and to go and enjoy myself!
Today, I am off out with my sister and we are catching up with my brother and sister-in-law for drinks and then some delicious Italian tapas 😋👌.
Have a lovely g.f weekend all.
”April fools - no more the fool”!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Day 468.
Mens Wimbledon final today in the glorious sunshine!🎾🍓😎🔥. The women’s final was a bit of an anti climax - 6-0 6-0. I felt so sorry for Anisimova with that score line. She had done fantastic though leading up to her final match.
In other news. Still on my passport training - 5 workbooks, consisting of 80 plus pages of information to take on board!🥴. Still, it’s all the stuff I have been missing since I started so this can only be a good thing in the long run 🤞🙏.
Off to O2 mobile phone shop now. Dropped my less than one year contract phone on the floor and shattered the screen 🙈. Attempted to have a new screen fitted for £80 but this could not be. I now have to pay the remaining £179.00 left on my current contract today, in order to set up a new contract and a new phone. Yes, this is coming out of my “holiday savings” money and I would have rather kept this for then. However, it was just nice to be able to have this kind of cash sitting somewhere and to be able to transfer it over to my bank account 👌.
On the positive side (always one for a positive)!😆. I will be getting an upgraded, better and bigger phone and all just for an extra 58 pence more per month more than my current contract 👌.
Going to get myself along there now before this heat starts to increase further into the afternoon 🔥🔥🥵.
Take care all. Stay safe in the heat and be kind to yourselves.
“April fools - no more the fool”!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Good to see your still going strong Pinky, and your never too old to learn new things 🙂
Well done Pink Lady, apologies for my absence been busy of late but good to hear from you in here and keep the focus 🙏
Day 1!!!!🙈
Been gambling on and off for the last few weeks. Not sure of the exact date? Why/how you may ask?
WHY?
I think gambling came back into my mind when I had bumped my neighbours car and had to hand over just under £400 to her out of my savings. Then a bit further down the line, I dropped my fairly new phone and so had to pay £200 off that and then get a new phone/contract and start paying the monthly payments for that.
I think the most pressure came after I had been on my 5 weeks training in work. I was off sick during the final week and do not get paid whilst working for the agency when I am sick. Adding to this, I discovered that I did not have enough accrued hours for my two week family holiday. All in all, this meant that I was down around £900. The thoughts started creeping in again about how I could get some extra money quickly. I also do not have any more accrued hours for this bank holiday so I knew I wouldn’t be getting a full weeks pay for next week also.
Added to this, I got a call from my agency when I returned back to work on Tuesday regarding negative feedback I had received from the trainer.
I was totally shocked to say the least. In actual fact, I felt extremely uncomfortable the entire time on training due to the trainer treating me very differently to the others and being really dismissive/abrupt with me all the time. So much so, mid way through, I spoke to his line manager in private and raised my concerns. She then took him out for a chat shall we say. I truly believe that because of this, he reported terrible feedback to my line manager, who then sent this on to the agency. In all my 40 plus years of working, I have never had any negative feedback during the umpteenth training sessions I have been on, nor in the workplace. I have since heard by a number of people that they do not like this trainer and that he is “full of himself and is wanting to climb the ladder”.
This week has been so stressful since this event and has left me feeling extremely anxious, not knowing now if I will be kept on. My contract is due to end the end of September but so far, they have kept extending it but now since this had happened, I have no idea what is going to happen!😭.
Panic set in, with a thousand things going through my mind like, “how am I going to pay my bills if I don’t have a job/how long will it take me to get another job/will I even get another job at nearly 63 years of age?!!
I believe that this was totally unjust and I had to fight my corner. I have informed my line manager and the agency that I would like to put in a grievance towards the trainer. Thankfully, I had been jotting some notes down in a notebook during the training and I was so glad that I had previously had a word with his line manager also. I am now awaiting the next steps/outcome with much anticipation 😢.
HOW?
I started popping in and out of betting shops using cash as my cards are still blocked (my main vice was always online gambling) but feeling desperate at the time, this is what I resorted to. Then this week, after receiving the call from the agency, this just spiralled into me gaining access to one of those dodgy “non gamcare” sites - you know, the ones where you hardly win and if you do, it is very little with huge wagering. I was actually gobsmacked to find out that this site even has a wagering on the money you deposit!!😲. That’s how trash they are, yet in my sheer desperation to recoup some of my lost earnings/lack of annual leave pay, I made the ludicrous decision to join one. They even make it really difficult for you to self exclude.
It’s fair to say that I have done some damage which I just cannot believe, after working so hard at keeping all my finances in check for so long.
- I have spent the remaining £2,650.00 I had saved and set aside for my remaining dental implant work, which was due to happen end of September. That’s going to be an embarrassing call/excuse to have to make! The desperation then got a whole lot worse and so too the gambling, especially this week, not knowing if I will still have a job for much longer at this point. So much so, for the first time in 17 months, I will not be able to pay any of my bills this month 🙈. What an absolute mess. For a minute though, I didn’t even care. That’s until the sh-t hits the fan next week when I can’t pay any of my bills! I have even been looking up pay day loans but to borrow £1,000, you have to pay back almost the same in interest! I would rather stay skint!
On the 1st of September, I will be paying my sister her very last loan installment of the £2,050 I borrowed from her. I was determined to pay her this over eight months and I am so proud that I am about to achieve this goal. That is the only thing that is keeping me going right now however.
The next few months are going to be tough. Do I tell my sister or not? No -due to the sheer shame and embarrassment or yes - because I feel like I will be putting up a false pretence and that can be so draining 😔.
I absolutely know that my biggest trigger for gambling is due to when I am feeling financially pressured. So here I am, back from my zombie like madness and facing the reality of it all.
I will get over this and start again. When I think about my sister tragically losing her beautiful son, it puts my gambling and the mess it has brought me into perspective - I can eventually make amends/get back o track and on the g.f train. My sister however, will never get her son back!💔💙😭.
I imagine many of you will be quite shocked reading this. Me on the other hand am gutted that over 17 months, I had saved in my various savings pots, paid off further debts, the biggest one being my sister, hardly ever thought about gambling and was back to living a happy and normal life.
I am tenacious and like I have done all my adult life since bringing my son up on my own, I will keep trudging through and hacking away. My next main goal will be for me to recoup my dental money and save as hard as I can for that, once I have dealt with the initial mess I have just got myself into 🙈.
Take care all and let this be a lesson that one slip can lead you down the road of destruction. Those dodgy sites are called dodgy for a reason. I was stupid enough to allow myself to believe that I may have just won something!
”April fools - what an absolute fool I have been”!!!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Hey Pink!!
Absolutely gutted to be reading this, sadly it is so easy when we feel that burden coming to think maybe I can win some... it's interesting that you stopped going to the bookies and resorted to a poor online site, From that I think like myself you don't need to gamble or want to be seen gambling, once home and alone with your own thoughts and worries though you've sadly reached for the panic button and gone with it.
Pay your sister back but also talk to her, as a family you've been through so much but you always seem to support each other and you eill need that support again. If anyone can beat the streak they were on it's you. You've done amazing with money before and despite all the ups and downs you can do it again. Try not to panic and just see what happens with work etc, at the end of the day what will be will be, somethings we have not control over, if worst happens I'm sure you'd find something.
All the best and try stay positive, today is a new day, that money has gone new saving starts now 😀
@brownie889 Thank you so much brownie for your words of support. It means a lot 💙.
As you can probably imagine, I was awake until almost 6am this morning feeling so disappointed with myself 👎. I then messaged my sister to tell all as I could see she was actually online, probably not able to sleep, dealing with her own grief. So far, she has not responded and I can’t blame her. She is probably as disappointed as I am right now, if not annoyed by my actions. I will leave her be and not burden her any more.
I will spend today and tomorrow, trying to get in touch with those companies who I won’t be able to make my payments to this month 🙏.
I have also considered selling my car. Ninety nine point nine percent of the time, it sits in my parking space doing nothing. I walk to work and back, have my food shop delivered and I have a free bus and rail pass so this could be a sensible option 🤔. I have often thought about this anyway, when I see my monthly tax and insurance payments coming out and I feel they are just a waste.
My main concern at the minute is that I hope I don’t get finished up. I need this job and especially as it is just down my road and not requiring me to have a car. I even recently realised that my local bus which stops just across the road from me, also stops outside my place of work 👍. It’s probably just quicker to walk there and back to be honest but it’s good that I have that option 👍. Lots to think about/sort out over the next few days but that I will 💪🙏🙏.
Does anyone know how I reset my counter? It is still showing as over 500 days - if only 🙈.
Please let all of the above be a reminder to help you to keep your guard up and that if/when things get tough, the answer is NOT to try and make amends by gambling. Absolutely not!!👎👎👎.
Take care all.
”April fools - once bitten, twice shy”!!
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Day 2.
So………. Once again, my kind (but extremely annoyed), supportive sister has saved me from having to call all my creditors to tell them I can’t make my payments. I can’t thank her enough. I hope the only reason she has bailed me out yet again, is because she knows how hard I have worked over the last 17 months, to remain g.f, lead a normal life and really make the best use of my hard earned money and be the person I always was with money before gambling took a hold. Of course I will be paying her back but the fact that I do not have to go through the stress of making all those calls, I only have her to thank for that!
I categorically know that my main trigger for gambling is when I am feeling financially stressed. Apart from this, I really enjoy managing my money and making the best of what I have. Which I do exceptionally well whilst remaining generous at the same time.
I have decided to sell my car. I got an initial good price for it so I just need to wait until tomorrow to see what the situation is and take it from there. If I do get the price they have quoted, this will mean that I can continue the final two appointments for my implant treatment with my dentist, pay my sister back and pay the £3,200 upfront, me and the other eight residents have to pay to our management company for the cost of our new replacement windows. I am hoping to also have some money left over to purchase a nice bike! I will miss the sentiment of not having my car but at the same time, I will feel quite excited about not having to drive on the busy roads anymore but instead, enjoy getting from A to B on a bike!
If all the above goes accordingly, I can then continue where I was a few weeks ago,which was, in control of my mind and my money and just generally feeling happy and content. Let’s hope my contract gets extended too, once I have sorted out my work grievance 🤞🙏🙏🙏.
Right now, I am just hoping for a decent night’s sleep and a good day in work tomorrow. 🙏.
Good night all.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Im really sorry to hear this this is what the addiction is capable off before i started takung gamcare seriously i relapsed on due to train fine i got which i got has i thought i could purchase ticket on the train and was given a fine and it what caused a trigger that £50 fine cost me hundreds of pounds so it all part fortunately for me since my last relapse i havent been tested has i have learnt from previous relapses however i could have still relapsed what changed me is what i have learnt from the past 6 weeks and it all clicked finances was still still a trigger my mindset has changed just from two people one of the guys said he won life changing money after lossing thousands he managed to take out the issue started after and he got rid off all the money due to his faith i use to think i was beating the casino never occured to me the winnings were someone elses losses so technically i dont agree with gambling so all these little triggers i use to have are as good as dead to me i understand stress truma can lead to a relapse which thanx to this website has given me the secruity if i ever require extra support it their i also understand alot of my relapses were quite petty and if i didnt have those relapses i wouldnt have find hand experince which is what i see happening from alot of people so dont be too hard on yourself it how u overcome this and come back stronger is what matters
Pink Lady I am genuinely gutted that you have slipped. So sorry to hear this. It's inspiring to hear your straight back on the journey but I am devastated it's happened.
Well done speaking with your sister that's an important step and one you simply had to take, I'm glad you did !
Keep focused and stay well away from those dodgey sites - the sheer fact that they make you wager through your own money as if it was a bonus is ludicrous.
One day at a time, do you have any GA meetings you could attend local ?
Pinky!!! What a pair we are 🤣. Started this journey together and both hit a bump a near enough the same time! I know how gutted you must feel (me too!) but it sounds like you have a plan to get past this. I hope, like me, this experience has made your resolve even stronger. Shame to see the big gamble free number disappear, but day 1 or day 500, its all the same really. Gutted for you, but lets get that number up again, and enjoy the life we worked so hard to achieve. You've inspired me along the way and your positivity has always inspired others. Don't let this bump in the road get you down. Hopefully no bumps in the road when you are cycling to work!
Keep us posted. I've been slack on here lately due to my hectic work schedule but aim to be on here a bit more from now.
Stay strong 👍
@p6z38njbqm Thanks Fish 💙🐟. Yes, the pressure has been taken off me, thanks to my sister initially and the fact I had a car in pristine condition that I hardly used. Every cloud! 😬.
I also had my contract extended again until end of March next year so again, this has taken even more financial pressure off me 👌. This I know is my one biggest trigger which then adds to my anxiety. 🙈.
Hopefully in a few weeks time, all will have settled down and I will be back to managing my money the way I had been for the last 17 months.
Glad to hear all is back on track for you 💪.
Take care.
🩷🍎.
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