April Fools!

Day 1 - Again 👎.

Not sure when I last gambled 🥴. It’s all a blur. However, what I can remember is that I successfully sold my car and two days later, all but what I owed my sister back had gone on gambling! My implant money, my money for my new windows and the money I owe my brother! I mean why, when this was the answer to get me right back on track and pay off those debts upfront 🤷🏻‍♀️.

So now I have no car (not too much of an issue I hasten to add). My sister has been paid back everything I owed her. I managed to get a 6 month payment plan with the dentist for the remaining costs I owe - did not think for one minute that I would be accepted however, my credit score must have gone up slightly. This was a blessing to say the least! Added to this (and much to my relief), I was told that payment for our windows will not start until the beginning of the financial year next April. This again is another blessing from God as my dental payments will finish next March. I will then continue with hopefully a 12 month payment plan to them 🙏.

With regard to the £828 I owe my brother (this was for one of my debtors who offered me a 60% reduction off my balance if I could pay them a settlement fee, which was this and which reduced my overall debt). He has done this for me twice now and I have paid him back monthly. My monthly payments to him are due to start end of October but I have a plan in place, to hand over £100 to my sister every week for the next eight weeks and then hopefully, I can pay him the full amount instead of just one month 🙏.

Reading the above just fills me with disgust and despair 🙈. All those debts could have been paid off twice over but instead, I now have no car (not too bothered about that), I am now having to put away £733 a month until end of October, after which, I will be £400 better off per month until the following March. Then when my dental payments are complete, I will start payments of £266 per month for my windows so a little bit less than my current dental payments.  I just hope in the meantime, I get one of the two permanent jobs I have put in for and/or, get kept on permanently after next March 🤞🙏🙏🙏.

Right now, I am skint but all bills are paid and I can feed myself so it’s back to as they say “Maslow’s hierarchy of needs” for the next couple of months at least 😬.

Just waiting to speak to an advisor from Gamcare regarding them giving me the link to apply to my phone/ipad, to prevent me from being able to access any more dodgy overseas sites!

As hard as it seems right now, I am going to end on a positive 👍. My sister is treating me to an evening out at the theatre and dinner at a restaurant beforehand 😇🩷. I have however, implicitly told her that this will count as my Birthday gift in October. Makes me feel a little better about the situation at least 😕.

The number 13 is often seen as unlucky for many but somehow, it has never been that way for me. With this in mind and not knowing exactly when I last gambled 🥴, I thought it would be a good day to reset my day counter so here we are - Saturday 13th September, Gamban link going on my phone/iPad, “Day One” of resetting my brain to that of “skint but g.f” 🤞🙏🙏🙏.

Take care all.

”April fools - (not once but three times bitten) twice shy! Once again, no more the fool”!!

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Why is it so difficult to install Gamban on my iPad/mobile phone??!!😡🙈

A very frustrated Pink Lady. I give up!!

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Finally!!

Gamban finally and successfully installed on my phone and iPad!👏👏👏.

Day 2 about to begin but first I need some sleep!🥱😴😴

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Correction!! - Day 3.

Day 3 about to begin, not day 2 😊

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Sorry to hear your struggling still PinkLady.  This addiction isn't an easy one, I'm glad you installed the software on your devices now also. Can you give your sister access to your online banking for viewing so she can keep a track of you? Are there any GA meetings you can attend ? Keep posting on here.  Hope your okay once again I'm very sorry to hear you got back into gambling. 

@dazza85 Thanks Dazza. Much appreciated 💙.

I have some counselling set up with Gamcare. G.A groups are just not for me. I already have blocks on my bank accounts but an overseas site I managed to get on, unfortunately my account, (which I also have a gambling block on), did not block payments to them.

Anyway, further blocks in place to stop me in my tracks. Now I know this, my mind has just switched quickly back to just accepting that I will no longer be gambling and I am ok with this 👍.

It’s about just getting back on that gamble free train and going in a straight line, gradually improving until I am back where I was just a few months ago 💪.

Today I count my blessings for what I have and the best family I have around me.

I watched on YouTube the other day how a crazed man on board a train in Charlotte, Carolina, just randomly and viciously stabbed a beautiful, young 23 year old Ukrainian girl, who had just finished her shift at a pizzeria and was on her way home. That poor girl was left to bleed to her death on the floor of the train, while the man eventually and calmly disembarked the train. That girl had fled her hometown, for fear of being killed and for a better life and this is what happened to her. This young girl is no longer here and her parents are left to deal with the aftermath and devastation of what has unfolded.

Yes, I have gambled again. Nothing that cannot be fixed and repaired over time. Those parents cannot say the same about their beautiful daughter.  May she rest in peace and prayers go out to her parents 🙏🙏🙏.

Work was fine today, later followed by my last but one dental appointment for my 2 implants. All good there, followed by a relaxing night. Back to watching t.v and just feeling “normal” again 👍.

Today I chose not to gamble - I cannot gamble - I do not want to gamble 👌. Today I chose to be the “sensible” version of myself.

Take care all.

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Day 4.

The end of today is here. No gambling, no gambling thoughts. No money lost. Enough said!

Night god bless all.

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Day 5.

No gambling, no gambling thoughts, no money lost (haven’t got any to lose mind you but if I did, it most certainly would not be going on gambling). Firm blocks in place and staying that way!💪👌.

Night God bless all.

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Pinky! Glad to see you back  on the wagon. It seems to me you got stuck in the mind games of as soon as you got money, you thought of winning back the lost money. That's the tough bit. We've both been through that and know it's gone. Now tell your brain that! Easy to say, hard to do. You got this though mate. Build yourself up again to be the powerhouse you are.

Stay strong 👍 

@p6z38njbqm You are right Fish - you and me both got extra money and thought we could improve on that, knowing deep down that this would not be the case but yet again, finding out the hard way! Anyway, we have both come far enough to be able to take it as a lapse and not a full blown relapse and now back on the straight and narrow. No longer thinking about gambling.  As easy as that!!👍💪.

Thanks again for your support Fish. Much appreciated 💙🐟.

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Day 6.

Even though I have emailed that dodgy site to tell them to close my account down (plus I no longer have access to any overseas online sites thanks to installing Gamban). They are still sending me emails, making excuses “you need to tell us on live chat”. When I do this, Live chats response is”you need to email us”. Just anything to not close my account!!😡. Well they have no longer got any chance of getting any more money out of me that’s for sure - little do they know I have installed Gamban. Although if I so much as receive one more email from then, I may just tell them that I have.

No gambling, no gambling thoughts, no money lost 💪👌.

Night God bless all 🩷🍎.

Day 7.

End of the day. Feeling tired after a busy week in work. Got to be grateful however that I am still healthy enough to be able to work full-time and that my place of work is literally at the bottom of my road 👌.

No gambling, no gambling thoughts, no money spent on gambling!👌.

Night God bless all.

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Day 8.

Looking at my number of g.f days above feels like I have dragged myself right back to over 530 odd days ago when I last joined here so not very motivational at all to look at!😞.

I will have to keep reminding myself however of the following:

- Since end of March 2024 (17 months), I had not gambled until just this month when I had 2 separate lapses;

- Thankfully, I was still able to pay all my monthly bills for this month;

- I was still able to pay back everything I owed my sister;

- I am still able to feed myself;

- I have now installed Gamban on my phone and iPad;

- I have no desire to want to gamble.

Mentally, I am not feeling brilliant - got a few worrying things on my mind (mainly work related) but trying my best to just take things week by week as far as this is concerned 🤞🙏.

I am skint but not broke (due to the fact that I am currently putting away £733.00 per month until end of October). I must remind myself that I am lucky that I am in a position to be able to do this 👍.

I have always been a “half glass full” person so with this in mind, even though I am not feeling great today, I am going to do the following:

- Make a big pan of homemade hearty vegetable soup;

- Remove all my summer clothes from my wardrobes and replace them with my autumn/winter clothes;

- I am selling my bike today so once that is picked up, I will take a free bus ride into town and deposit the takings from that into my bank account;

- I will relax watching the World Athletics championships this afternoon;

- This evening, I am going to continue watching “This City is ours” on BBC IPlayer.

In essence, I am just going to try spending this weekend not worrying myself any further 🥴🙏🙏.

No gambling, no gambling thoughts, no money spent on gambling! 💪👌.

Just need to sort my mental health out now 🥴🙏.

Take care all.

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Day 9.

Nice chilled day today. Took a walk into town and deposited the money from the sale of my bike into my bank account 👍. Bought a few bits from M&S food hall.

Watched the end of the World Athletics with a couple glasses of wine. Finished off with a homemade chille for dinner, courtesy of my sister 😋.

Also got some good news this morning via email - I have been invited for interview for a permanent position where I am currently working. However, there were 27 appointment slots to choose from so that tells me, there are 27 people being interviewed for 4 jobs. Still, at least I have been offered an interview - 2 weeks tomorrow. I will put my best food forward and prepare as best as I can. Watch this space!🤞🙏🙏🙏.

Now in bed and hopefully a good night’s sleep and a better week in work this week.

No gambling and no money spent on gambling 👌.

Night God bless all.

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Day 11 - Back in double figures!

Another tiring day at the office 😴. In bed now and hopefully a good night’s sleep 🤞🙏.

No gambling, no gambling thoughts, no money spent on gambling. Winner 👌.

Night God bless all.

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