Well it's been a long time.
My journey started way back in December 09 and continued on these pages for 5 gamble free years.
Unfortunately it all got too much for me and the addiction has taken over again.
I haven't seen my child now since September 14, I've also had problems in the workplace with a fellow employee to which it ended up in court in a job which is well paid to which I used to enjoy. There's also the small matter of paying my debts, the csa my ex got onto me despite me paying the mortgage and living in rented accommodation. I have also been to court trying to see my child for a few hours a week to no avail as yet. I am also trying at present to get the mortgage burden off my shoulders but my ex is as expected not corresponding. Solicitors fees are just crippling. All these have finally got on top of me and yes folk may think don't pay the mortgage let the house repossess but I think it would leave me with no place for a future mortgage and big bad daddy to my 9 year old child. Something had to give and here I am sadly back where it all started looking to gamble for a bit of solace. (I have a diary somewhere way down these pages but I'm not illiterate enough to find it.)
There are NO excuses to gamble I know its all through self choice unfortunately. I have become weak and reaching a new low I tried to gamble myself out of trouble.
I'm not sure if restarting a diary is the way forward but it's a start. I need someone to control my money as when it's payday I feel rich. Unfortunately for the compulsive gambler in myself I cannot trust myself with money and end up with nothing. Payday loans are not the way forward, I have 2 outstanding with the rest put onto my dmp a few months ago.
Now is the time to get my life back on track, I have seen myself cry, scream with anger and feel so down with this d**n addiction.
No bet is too big and no bet is too small. I simply cannot win because I cannot stop.
My name is Winningpost I am a compulsive gambler and always will be.
God grant me the serenity.....
Hello winning post.
I remember you well my friend. I've often wondered what's happened to the likes of you, seanostars, stumper and many, many more. All fantastic people who helped me in my early, vulnerable weak days.
You've been through the mill, life can be a bi.tch, sometimes a beach, but as you know the former is where you need to be on guard and have somewhere such like gamcare to download the s***t your experiencing.
It's a bit.ch that you find yourself back here, but also good on you in recognising that the slyness of addiction has sucked you back in.
You may remember me as 'pauls exmug', not so much a mug anymore and have had successful periods of Abstaining, yet my education on this patholical addiction moves on as I figure out what the f**k has been going on.
I still tend to write in riddles ( it's how I speak in 3d ) . But this long winded post is both welcoming you back and wishing you all the best.
Strength and honor
Hi Winningpost my old friend. I'm back here too, same as you in that I've fallen off the wagon and have had a bad year where I can't stop gambling. Hope you keep in touch on here and I'm sending all my beat wishes and thoughts your way. We can do this (honestly we really can)
Hello wp... am still here too. I try to disappear into my own oblivion but I always seem to come back, not that i really go away. Just from a cursory reading of your post I can see the tremendous stress you must be under. I think if I was in your shoes i'd of turned to the gambling solace along time ago. Youve done years gamble free, so have I.. it can be done.
Take care... S.A
Hi wp.
I'm sorry things are hard for you at present. I didn't expect to hear from you again truth be told. Well done for having the courage to return and admit your failings. You are one of the good guys. Start ticking off those days again.
Hi wp.
I remember how gracious you always were in helping others to defeat their gambling demons. The thought that you may now be struggling is not a nice one. Help is here if you need it.
Get back counting those days. We cannot win because we cannot stop.
Hi Winningpost,
I remember your diary well - your progress was a source of comfort and strength to me back in the day. Sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time; as you know there are plenty on these pages ready to provide support.
Wishing you all the best mate
D123
Hi Winningpost. I remember you well. Sorry to read you've had problems again. It happens unfortunately.
I too had a diary back in the day. Under name "Lili" .
I found it, was strange reading some of my posts. Different time and place.
I was away from here for years. Didn't go back to quite the same gambling ..but nevertheless got caught up in casino slots and chasing losses. Knew I had to stop going there. Resigned from casinos and came on here.
Maybe you don't come on here now, but if you do I'm here for any support I can give. You were a fantastic support to me.
Elizabeth (Lili)
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