Better late than never

Alright folks. Gambling has literally ruined the last 7 months of my life. Christmas time wasn't easy and nothing has got any easier. All started when one Saturday I started doing a few bets and won. BOOOOM! That's it, this could be another income every week (crazy thought) but not at the time. Week after week, ups and downs, downs and ups. No matter what happend any won I won was being gambled again, gambling because I thought I was bored. After a while it was becoming a habit, pay day loans became a habit, anxiety in work became a habit, acting as If I was happy became a habit.. and at 21 I don't think you should have any reason to "pretending" to be happy. Getting up for work in the morning became a bit of a struggle but when I was in work I felt content because I was making money, in which, was going to be gambled but I never thought that.

Chose work, not gambling! Or pay day loans! The only thing that's helped me, I seeked for help and made myself a promise to myself and I can honestly say I won't ever make this mistake again. I hope everyone can get the help they need and start living again. For 7 months I didn't know what fresh air was. Stay strong.

Hi Pablo well done coming to this site , if you post in the new members post you will get advice from more experienced posters about how to put blocks in place , gambling does take over your life and I agree its great to breath a sigh of relief when you escape but we have to stay stopped this is the key to a better way of living . pink

Day 4 , finally the headache gone managed a good nights sleep so that probably helped , have written list of things to be done on Tues to straiten some of the mess created that's helped too , will be going to cinema tonight to see Player 1 and will find something nice to do tommorow small steps to recovery . Pink

Day 5 .well found something to do , dug the garden ,and general clear up so shattered but in a good way , went to garden centre bought some goldfish for pond as there was only one poor little fish left that survived the winter , my son gives me small amount cash daily so money well spent , not looking forward to tommorow as lots to sort out after last gambling binge but I will survive this horrible addiction , the debt will be with me for the next 3 to 5 years but will try to live normally and just spend small amounts improving quality of life , no more self destruction and misery. Pink

Well done on the gardening, its good to keep busy

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Hi Pink,
I've just caught up with your diary and want to say a massive well done for all you have achieved in the last few days!
It can't have been easy for you and you should give yourself some credit for facing up to the demoralising facts of addiction.
The good news is you can do this!!
Take all the help you can get. Put those blocks in place. Take small steps and gradually, in time the road ahead will become clearer.
All good wishes and keep up the good work.
Lol x

Thanks for your support , find I keep posting in wrong places , I'm doing Ok , starting to feel quite down about the time it will take to clear debts at my age probably till end of my days so that's quite sad , I lost my life for 30 years and more and now in debt till I die so not really anything to look forward to, but it is nice to feel calm and not feeling stressed out and worried , so that's what I will be grateful for just for today . Pink

Hi Pink, I just read your posts. I sympathize with your addiction and debts. I hope you find new hobbies to replace gambling habits and I hope you start living simple and happy life where gambling is not in it. Good luck.

Thanks Merlin's , trying to keep positive but its difficult , I've been having a bit of a pity party , but have now snapped out of it , no more thinking ahead , just live for today that's all I can do .....Pink

Day 14 , emotions are still all over the place , trying to forgive myself and trying to make some amends ,but its so hard to shut my brain off it just goes on and on and on , I wish I could switch it off , have to listen to sounds of the sea or rain on u tube to get to sleep the only thing that soothes my brain at the moment .....Pink

Day 15 , feeling a bit calmer today , my sleep has been a problem last couple of days only sleeping four or five hours then I start thinking about money etc not good , my credit score is 380 which is bad but good as it will stop me getting further credit , will ha e to live within my means for a long time , which I am finding the hardest part as I never had real cash always used my debit or credit cards , son gives me 10 a day and I use or save for a few days to buy shopping its hard re learning the value of money but I need to do this to aid my recovery .........Pink

Day 20 , good and bad days , but will keep going as I need to save what s left of my life , too old to miss any more days , regrets and self loathing of course , but have to forgive myself . I lost my job in Jan , so there is little hope of reducing my c/card debts at the moment , only pay £10 min but will have to pay them back somehow in future , I'm trying to stay calm and not think to far ahead as it makes me anxious , hope you all have a calm peaceful day take care .......Pink

22 days hooray slowly but surely getting away from that awful day .......Pink

Day 23 , well not sure how i feel , have dealt with bills , drawn up some plans to raise money so not stressed so much about money , it's just mentally trying to stay focused on getting through the day , am physically feeling a bit better , but I feel tearful i just don't want to be hurt any more , I want to feel safe ..............Pink