Better late than never

Hello Pink. You mention you were depressed in the Summer, did the depression get worse? It's hard for me to know whether it's grief or depression with me but I understand when you say you feel broken. I wish I could offer some advice or wisdom but I am not in a great place myself emotionally. Be kind to yourself, it's a setback, you just dropped your guard so don't feel bad about the binge. Easier said than done I know. I have found gambling attacks your self worth and it's hard to gain perspective when you are feeling vulnerable. Your mind is tired and won't let you put things in order. I will read a bit about your background but for now just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you warm wishes - don't dwell on the relapse if you can manage to.

Sorry, seem to have doubled Up on post, not intended. Regards

Hi pink, I don’t want to tell you, or preach, i will not pitty, but i do feel your pain. My addiction has been with me all my life , it’s always there, it’s wrecked my life and others around me, i would have had a different life if i wasn’t in to gambling,,,, mentally and physically affected,, and i only have myself to blame, i done it, me no one else, me,, I done it on my own, ive gone right off the rails in the past, drink, fight, self harm, o/d more than once,,, how selfish i was, cutting it short, i saw myself and my addiction,, it’s me, it’s not something in me , it is actually me, so if it’s me then i can control me,, that’s where i am and it’s my choice, my chance to win without betting and feel good with myself. I’m with ya, Guard Up Bobbyj/ rainman

Hi pink, I don’t want to tell you, or preach, i will not pitty, but i do feel your pain. My addiction has been with me all my life , it’s always there, it’s wrecked my life and others around me, i would have had a different life if i wasn’t in to gambling,,,, mentally and physically affected,, and i only have myself to blame, i done it, me no one else, me,, I done it on my own, ive gone right off the rails in the past, drink, fight, self harm, o/d more than once,,, how selfish i was, cutting it short, i saw myself and my addiction,, it’s me, it’s not something in me , it is actually me, so if it’s me then i can control me,, that’s where i am and it’s my choice, my chance to win without betting and feel good with myself. I’m with ya, Guard Up Bobbyj/ rainman

Thanks bobbyj and sapphira for posts , still feeling fragile but just trying to take each day as it comes , yesterday my clutch went on my car and the costs £380 for replacement made me feel I'll, yet i would easily spend double that sometimes in one session on slots at bingo hall and once only even treble that , money is so important to have for emergencies , or just day to day living , my son borrowed me the money so I am fortunate but I hope i can get a better relationship with money , I grew up in absolute poverty so I don't understand why I don't value money more , I definitely need counselling to figure it out .... pink

Hi pink, yes i understand about valuing money, it’s something I’ve been trying to deal with as well, I’m getting the gambling under control and trying to sort money out, i owe it, a lot of it, I’m going for a debt relief order, but i still owe friends and family, I’ve been at the top and the bottom , it’s been a roller coaster, but i never valued my cash, or any one else’s come to that ! There’s an old saying that says “a fool and his money are soon parted” , i think that’s about right, it doesn’t mean that I’m a fool all the time, but acting foolishly at the time ,costs ,,, sorry to hear about the clutch, Ive done my money gambling on many an occasion, only to have an unexpected break down that needed fixing, or someone else was in trouble and called on me for help and although i wanted to, i couldn’t because id just done my money and then there’s times that I’ve lied to get money after a big loss, I’ve said that my car had broken down, I’d get the cash, lose it and then my car really would brake down, ,, there have been many more experiences some resulted in a worse ending, ,,, it wasn’t all one way traffic though, when i had the money there was no bigger giver, but that’s still not responsible is it, at the end of the day if we valued our money from the beginning, we wouldn’t gamble. Getting back to being brought up in poverty, i was denied such a lot and controlled as a child, that i wonder if it’s because of this that when i finally broke free , i went berserk with my cash, anyway, I’m definitely older and i would like to say wiser now, ,, good luck Pink, movin on, bobbyj / rainman

Fgs why do I do this , had to pretend to be normal Saturday with the gambler headache raging feeling sick not slept all night before , trying to smile killed me so glad to get home from friends party, I went to free bingo Friday night and had a text for a ca s match 5 pound well you can guess how that turned out , I had my card back from son to buy Xmas stuff well my account now empty i just couldn't stop , I hate the bingo hall and some of the other slot players are like vultures watching waiting to move inin i don't converse with any of them is all false smiles and bu*S*t even the staff talk about the punters i have heard them why do I go there ? Probably no where else i can go alone on a evening , but I must find something it's just a danger zone ...pink

Still trying my best , sorted finances yet again as had gambled on New years day what a S**t start to 2019

I was disgusted with my self after all the misery i went through in 2018, my worst year ever , completely escalated to a dangerous level , I was scared what I would do next ! I know after 30 plus years it would not be easy but my God it's been hell

So just hope now all 2019 bar one day , I will find peace and patience this year .........Pink

Keep going Pink. YOu describe such a common exp. , at least for me. Oh those nights and headaches etc. where ever you are I hope you post again and keep on going. blessings tara2

Still here just coming up to a year since I joined , and life in general still c**P had a big binge yet again , my son who knows all just despairs of me i had new c/card as old one out of date , out of the blue , so off i went to local seaside town Burnham on sea and lost £1.300 just like that in a few hrs plus then emptied my bank of housekeeping money just typing this sounds bl**dy. Crazy on £2 spins . So now more debt up to 10.000 on 3 c/cards and I only work part time min wage so going to take forever to clear , doctor is not interested in helping just gave me tel no for mind . I've noticed when I've stopped I'm out of control with my eating , drinking , and going onto eb*y buying stuff and charity /thrift shops i seem to have lost my Stop button for everything or I'm just self destructing as I started smoking again who knows ? i would not wish this life on anyone , over 35 years I've been gambling and I miss it terribly when I stop but I just can not afford it anymore , or take the mental, physical , and emotional damage im causing myself and will be in debt for years what a lovely thought to end with , but I suppose I will battle on .....pink

Dear Pink,

really sorry to hear of your struggles, it sounds like recovery is proving to be challenging at the moment. However you are still here, you are still posting, you don't just give up giving up, that is admirable and well done for that,

It also sounds like there is a lot to explore around your relationship with money, and perhaps a tendency to self-sabotage. Have you had treatment support from us in the past? If not, please get in touch with our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here to talk to an adviser 1-2-1 and discuss further support options.

I appreciate at the moment it feels like an uphill struggle, but it is worth it.

Keep posting and sharing.

Wishing you all the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin