Day 24 , had a good day yesterday , isn't it lovely when the sun shines , makes me feel like life is worth living , its still on my mind that I need to go to slots but I know this is my last chance at happiness , and know how futile it is and I can not put myself through that hell again ever .......Pink
Day 29 , struggling on feeling miserable today , hopefully this feeling will pass as i feel like all hope is gone , it's going to be a tough couple of years , no holidays etc will keep plodding on ........Pink
Day 30 , well 30 days away from one of my bleakest days when I knew i was nearly beyond the hope of no return , the slots were literally killing me slowly but surely day by day , mentally , physically , emotionally, financially, the self destruction button well and truly pressed , the progression crept up on me till I realised I was so reckless i feared what would happen next , thankfully I may have stopped just in time , I dread to think where I would be if I carried on , i can not and will not put my self through that again i will plod on one day at a time till I get my life back to a calm peaceful place ...........Pink
Day 36 , still plodding along , mood still low , joined the gym hoping it will lift my mood start next Tues ....Pink
Day 44 , 6 weeks ago felt in a dark place , slowly trying to rebuild life, most days finding it hard after 30 years of gambling i have to have patience, joined gym but don't really want to go don't know why not , i lost my job in Jan and finding it hard to find another i just don't feel motivated to do anything, still i feel calm so I'I take that for now ............Pink
Still struggling along ......Pink
Nearly the half century, Pink. A milestone worth celebrating.
Keep referring back to here in times of difficulty, Pink.
Things are going to be difficult after 30 years of gambling but slowly your brain will adjust to life without gambling and things will get easier.
Stay strong.
Dan
Monday i succumed was on day 47 , my mum lent me some money £330 to pay a bill , decided to drive 30 miles to a club not excluded from , you know what happened next i knew it was coming have been feeling really low , need to 're think what I am going to do ........pink on day 3 again
Day 6 still gf ......
Two weeks gf feeling happy , healthy , safe just for today ......pink
Starting day 2 another new start really fed up with my self , went to coast on Thurs went on pier put 10 in machine took 8 out lost 2 quid but I feel disgusted i put money in slots , it could lead to me putting hundreds in again usually about 700 was my usual amount what did i think i was doing i have debts i can't pay yet i still find a way to get a fix , I bought allen carr book and russell brands too , i will be reading these on weekend ......pink
Not been here much as I still can not stop , after 4 or 5 weeks keep relapsing and having big binge im trying so hard but it's the depression i need to see Dr i think , I just feel so lost and empty, it's the bingo hall i miss as I used to look forward to getting out the house for a few hours and only place you can go alone , I know it's not safe and I put myself in danger just going there as you have to walk past lots of machines to get in hall to play , my mum gave me money to go on holiday in Sept and iv e lost it all I couldn't sleep so 1am drove to casino no idea why , think I might go GA too so sick of myself .....pink
Hi pink, I'm wife of cg. I go to gamanon meetings every week. It's worth it, 2 hours for support, peace of mind. We always say 'where are the women in the GA room?' Don't feel intimidated, you all have the same issue and they have been there too. They will have advice, support and will just listen. You could drive and find a meeting instead of a casino. You also need to start telling people not to give you money. If you need help with a bill get them to pay it directly for you. This is a choice. My cg has gambled for 30 years, he's damaged his mental health, he takes tablets, he's admitted he is beaten, he cannot keep doing the same thing. Get some help, go to gp for your depression, go to GA for your gambling. Find a different hobby, learn something new, anything. Put your blocks in place.
youve done great abstaining for long periods of time - dont beat yourself up for relapsing, the majority on here, me included, have relapsed in their road to recovery. thats why im only on day 24 instead of about 160+ since i first joined. need to view a relapse as a new lesson to further underline and re-emphasise all the reasons why you have to stop. Reading your thread it strikes me that for you it is down to boredom, needing a buzz which is exactly where my issues lie and it was always slots for me as well right back to the tuppenny nudger at the arcade through to wasting all my money as a student 25 years ago in quicksilver through to staying up all night playing online. At the moment i am constantly trying to have something going on - a project. gym is perfect once you get in the habit and it looks like you enjoy your garden. its a hard habit to break but once you do you get the 'buzz' from not doing it.
Still here , still struggling to stay stopped , had a big binge , devastating and i can't sleep why do I abuse myself this way , so self destructive . Over 35 years of misery and what s left of my life will be living in poverty paying debt back , why can't I live a normal life and be content , I'm here everyday reading forum , but I don't know at the moment now how to heal my broken mind body and soul , have tried everything from GA books , docs , counselling , it seems insurmountable , and depressing it truly is a wasted life and I hope no one else gets caught in this trap for the amount of time i have , my only saving grace is i don't play online or the debts would be astronomical I'm sure ! Pink
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