Boxing Day 1

Day three and all good. No urges as been busy at home. Feeling happy that I've come back on here and made the decision to stop again. It's annoying having to reset the counter but still it's good to start counting the days. I did it before and I can do it again. One year from now I'll be much better off financially. The past 4-5 months has been loads better financially and I'm saving up for several things as well as paying off long term debt. That'll be another four years or so till it's gone but when I'm not gambling I enjoy appreciating the value of money... Spending wisely and planning saving up etc.

I'm in for the long haul.

Morning Clare.

Great to see you back full of determination.

Guess you had to scratch that itch and get it out of your system, in doing so you found it re-enforced what you already knew - gambling for the likes of ourselves isnt 'fun' and 'entertaining'. We're addicts and in dipping your toes in the water you quickly realised that we can never win as winning a little is never enought, that little voice in your head always wants more and more.

Yes its annoying about your day count but at least you learnt an important lesson.

Keep strong.

Mark x

Hi Clare,

It's great to see you back on the diaries. I can relate to the bingo sites. In my head bingo is harmless and yesterday I was looking for a site with just bingo and no slots. That's after 11 months gamble free so it just goes to show how strong the urges are. After reading your diary I can see there are a lot of us who think we can just play bingo but then the slots lure us back in. Clare thanks for posting.

Suzy

Hi Clare, I am newish on here. Quite agree with Suzy as if I just stuck with bingo wouldnt be in position I am today. But its those slots and think they purposely do it so there is a waiting time between games as not only do they have mini slots as well as the main ones so reakon they employed someone to design sites after investigating the mindset of us gamblers! Dont think we can be part time gamblers as its never just the winning for us its that streak in us that chases and chases win or lose, until all our funds are gone and its almost a relief to enable us to stop gambling until we can get more. But just for a little while we get on with normal things like the housework, family etc until our next fix. I was at the stage where I wasnt enjoying playing and thats why I decided enough was enough but did have a blip where I put tenner on that was in old account and was so cross with myself was wishing away the spins until it was gone and then finally did what i had dithered about since stopping, exclude all the bingo sites. Am having gamble free day so feel at peace with the world today. One day at a time is a good motto. You take care Mary

Hay Claire,

And that's the determination dear soldier!! Yep, keep kicking and fighting for your freedom. Things will get better and you know that yourself 🙂
Plus it's not your day 4....no no no my friend, slips are just part of recovery and you are a lot further in your journey than you give yourself credit for!
Let's say I'm in recovery 2 yrs now..yep, many slips, but the mindset to "stop and never give up on giving up" is still here from day one!
Things will keep getting better, you are in control of your actions, keep up the good work and stay safe

Sandra x

Good Evening Diary and anybody dropping by to read,

Nice to read several comments of support and much appreciated at this key time for me. Appreciate what you said Sandra about it not really being day one. Kinda makes me feel better as you're right, I don't feel like I am at the beginning of my battle to give up the gambling. I do feel I have come along way and I have a lot of knowledge that I've learned along the way about myself and coping strategies and the ideas and support from this site and the people who take the time to post. I will take what you've said and take comfort in the fact that I am really five months into recovery with a blip!

Yes Mark, absolutely I had the 'itch to scratch' and just couldn't get it out of my system. I'm really pleased the outcome wasn't a major financial disaster and I feel relatively unscathed. The main thing that I'm annoyed about is resetting the counter! But hey, I'm pleased to be back here and feeling support from you guys is a really great motivation too.

Suzy - I have always felt that bingo wasn't (and isn't) my issue but it is the lure of the slots that come with the bingo that really 'reel' me in. But this time I have proven to myself that I cannot simply play the bingo and ignore the slots. Sure, I managed it twice at the bingo hall but that in turn triggered the desire to find a new bingo site online. As soon as I started on there - literally minutes (seconds) later I was playing the slots. It felt good, I'm not gonna lie! I enjoyed it to a point. But ultimately losing £110 in a few days just isn't acceptable for me. Plus, there was the part of me I hate resurfacing and being snappy and short tempered due to the annoyance of losing money. I hate losing money! And let's face it . being a compulsive gambler I ain't ever going to win!

'Breakdownintime' aka Mary, thanks for taking the time to post on my diary. I have the same views as yourself that self exclusion is the way forward. I have used the blocking software too with great sucess too as unfortunately self exclusion doesn't prevent me searching for and opening new sites!

Anyway I'm well and truly happy to be back in recovery 🙂

Clare

Hi Clare

Good to see you back, I was the same as you I went 4 months gamble free and the lure of a quick bet drawed me in, I had a big win and it took me 8 months to begin my recovery path again. So we'll done for you for coming back and continuing your road to recovery.

Like you have eluded to, through relapse you have learnt that you cannot go to bingo, we learn far more from our mistakes (relapse), just make sure you know your triggers and nullify them.

You have done it once, you can do it again, let's both aim for the magic 100 days again. Let's stay strong

Let's get busy living not busy gambling.

Keep fighting the urges and reinforce why you want to give up.

Day five and the going is good.

Thanks Dazz1982 for your post.

I know my trigger is the bingo - so avoiding that now.

Got nice plans with the kids for the weekend so it's all good 🙂

Day six. Good day at work and now relaxing. No opportunity to gamble as I've got blocking software on my phone and laptop so it's all good. No urges even though I've just been paid 🙂

Day eight all's well in the no gambling. I've got far better things to spend my money on. New hair cut today I think !

Day 9 and busy weekend has kept any thoughts of gambling away.

Heres to a gamble free future.

Double figures today Claire, Very well done to you, for getting straight back on the sane path.

Have a great Sunday.

Suzanne xxx

Well done Clare on double figures, small steps at a time, we can beat this awful addiction. Stay strong, stay gamble free!

You have done great in knowing your triggers (bingo) and downloading the K9 software, even pay day has gone by, another big step. Let's get busy living.not busy gambling.

Much appreciated support thank you... hitting double figures again is a good feeling. I was previously on the same days number of days as Sonic Boom who is now on 150 days and it's a little reminder of how far I've come. Despite the fact that I'm on day 10 I've only gambled on a handful of days this year and compared to incurring £10k debt last year that's still a big achievement and I won't forget that :).

Getting busy living - I'm going to a birthday party today so that'll be nice and no opportunities to gamble. I'm really determined to see out the year now gamble free !

Clare

Day 12 and I'm happy I've quit the online gambling world again. It's been easy so far knowing I cannot access the sites on my laptop anymore is the single biggest thing helping me.

Knowing I'm not throwing money away sits more comfortably with me than the thought I could be winning . I know I can never win as a temporary win always goes back in time.