Boxing Day 1

Hi Suzanne.

Thanks for your wise words. I know I must remember what you say. If we play we can't win because we can't stop.

Im still on 115 days of not gambling and finances are so much healthier now. I must keep looking back at last year and how much debt I now carry thanks to my addiction.

Hey half life and thanks. Of course you're right. I'm waiting for my internet allowance to refresh so I can download the software as I'm not sure I've much left to do the blocking software at the moment. But I'm staying off the laptop except for work. I have k9 software on my phone though, so no temptation there.

Clare x

Ok so I downloaded k9 eventually. It didn't need take much mb to download.

But before I did that I spend a good half hour searching for a site I haven't blocked or self excluded from. I had some intention of signing up ... I even phoned one up and was relieved to hear id self excluded years ago and to reopen my account I'd need to send in a letter addressing certain points. The man on the phone sounded as if he was willing me not to proceed. I was relieved and put down the phone and said thank you but I'll leave the account closed.

Tonight I have my friend coming round. I will ensure that she sets up the password on my blocking software so there's no way around it. I feel fortunate. I came close to giving in and gambling. The closest I've been to it since quitting. Once the blocking software is on my laptop again I should feel less inclined to gamble as a great deal of temptation will be removed.

Claire, I implore you to stay away from your devices until your triangle is broken again! The evil addiction is pitting it's wits against you & you are not ready to do this alone! Fate may not intervene next time & you can NOT go back now!

C'mon girl, I know you can do this - ODAAT

Hey guys.

Im stiill safe 🙂 thanks for your wise words . I won't lie .. I tried to reopen an old account Sunday night. I even rang them up but was pleased to learn that as I had previously permanently excluded and to reopen I had to send them a letter addressing "certain issues". Anyway I then thought better of it and downloaded k9 but I've still yet to get my friend to put a password on it. Tonight I will !

I know I'm dangerously close to giving in but for now I'm still on 117 days.

🙂

Hi Clare, I had gone 4 months without a bet and then had 1 bet and that led to a massive relapse. Please stay strong, I gave in too easily and didn't think.of the repercussions - lying to my family, loads more debt, feeling constantly irritable, I nearly lost everything.

Don't give in, routing for you here, do anything to take your mind off gambling.

boxingday1 wrote:

Hey guys.

Im stiill safe 🙂 thanks for your wise words . I won't lie .. I tried to reopen an old account Sunday night. I even rang them up but was pleased to learn that as I had previously permanently excluded and to reopen I had to send them a letter addressing "certain issues". Anyway I then thought better of it and downloaded k9 but I've still yet to get my friend to put a password on it. Tonight I will !

I know I'm dangerously close to giving in but for now I'm still on 117 days.

🙂

Too easy isn't it. Just as well you didn't think to open another account with yet another that's around. Keep fighting.

How you getting on Clare? I know you don't post everyday but last time we heard from you, it was tough going! Thought I'd fly by with a qwik 'Hi'!

Hi Claire,

Hope you are ok, you have not posted for a while on here, and you have not checked in on the challenge thread.

Sending you strong and positive thoughts.

Take care and stay safe.

Suzanne xxx

Claire,

Hope you are ok?

Its important you remember we are here if you need any support.

Mark

Good evening guys.

Well I'm here to reset my counter and try again.

I don't have time to share everything now but I've had a small relapse. No major monetary loss but a week of online gambling under my belt and I'm ready to say NO again to my old friend the gambling monster.

I will post again tomorrow with more details but wanted to come on and reset my counter to day 1.

Thank you for the support and dropping by my diary and I hope I can once again impress myself and others with my determination to succeed in the battle against gambling !!!

Clare

Welcome back soldier 🙂

Hey Clare,

Back to the ranks of recovery you march on dear warrior! Slips happens and we can only learn from them. Soo good to see you back! My heart will burst soon 🙂

Keep posting, keep fighting and winning, recovery is the only way forward 🙂

Looking forward to ur updates, we are in this together !

day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Claire,

Welcome back, recovery is a continuing journey,

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for the welcome back.

Just posted this in the 2015 challenge and it sums up my week !

Morning Troops.
Missing soldier back from battle !
Hope all troops are still on track and that I'm welcome to return and rejoin the 2015 challenge with gusto !
Boxingday1 here I should have been on 148 days and after just under a week of online gambling I've returned to give it another try and stop for the rest of this year.
After around 140 days gamble free the urges got too much. My trigger was allowing myself to go to the bingo. Somewhere inside I believed I had the strength to resist the slots and just play bingo on a social level. Although I never had my issues with bingo (it was always slots) I always knew bingo was a trigger to go home and play slots online.
Sure enough I managed to get online and open a new bingo site (still the intention of just playing bingo) but as soon as I did... Yes you guessed it. Bingo wasn't enough and I was straight on the slots. I'd let my barriers down and when I'd bought a new laptop about a month ago I'd installed k9 blocking software but never 'got around' to having my friend set the password.
I'm now feeling a bit regretful about the week. I initially won £120 and thought wow, easy money. But a few nights later that was gone and I'm now £110 lighter. Not a disaster but that's because it's a week before payday. But still, at a time when I'm saving all spare money to convert to euros for our family holiday it's £110 less spending money for us.
I can quite well imagine if there'd been more available funds in my account I could've wasted a lot more money.
But wait a minute, I'm beginning to see a £110 loss in six days as not a big deal. Who am I kidding ? £110. That's a £6700 loss over a year if I did that every six days .... And that was me playing 'carefully' and not having access to more available funds.
Well ... I've had my few days of 'fun' and clearly it isn't fun. It turned me into that horrible person again, short tempered with my family and feeling unhappy. Looking forward only to wasting the night watching reels spin around. Knowing I could win ... But ultimately I won't win. Gamblers can't win as they can't stop. I for one know that is soooooo true.
So I'm here ... Back to take the reins and give it another shot. Here to beat my 140 days gamble free stint in my first attempt to quit gambling. Second time around now, I've got the same determination and motivation I had back on Boxing Day 2014 which was my day 1.
Now my day 1 is may 15 and that means around 224 days left to beat my record and see out the rest of the year gamble free. With blocking software installed on my laptop (and still on my phone) I'm ready for the challenge. Today is day 2 !
Clare (aka boxingday1)