Brand new thread for a brand new me..

Hi Haystack, well done. I know you have struggled as I've posted on your previous diaries. You are right to be proud of each day gamble free as it is a step away from this horrible addiction so keep totting those days up one at a time. You seem more determined and opening up like this hopefully will ease the burden for you. I remember when I started and felt I was the only person with this addiction but Gamcare really opened my eyes seeing so many people struggling with this and made me feel not alone so keep up the good work

All the best

@bladesman thank you so much for taking the time to post on my diary. You’re right, it is a battle I have attempted many times before and failed, but for some reason this time I feel so much more determined for the life I want to life and know that gambling is not a part of that. 
Today marks 16 days gamble free and I honestly feel better without this horrible addiction in my life. 
I hope you are doing well, take care & thank you again!☺️xx 

Just thought I would pop on to my diary tonight before I pop out and about. I’ve been keeping busy which is good but also the reason I’ve not been able to get on the group chats at night. 
but..I’m still gamble free and feeling so good and proud of myself! Today is 18 days without gambling, 18 days without trying to find an online site through the blocks, 18 days of still having money in my account. 
ok, sure I still am in a lot of debt but I am finally starting to see a clearer and brighter future gamble free and it feels amazing. 
long journey ahead, but I’m 10000% more present in the people and moments around me and despite life and work stresses I have not fell back into the gambling world. 
take care everyone xx 

Proud of yourself you should be.

Forget the debt it will decrease, just keep doing the right things and keep learning.

Has the adrenaline subsided?,if so welcome to the real world, and not the gambling induced version.

Thanks Lids! I am feeling really good to be honest, it definitely has. I honestly feel so present and like my mind is truly focussed when I’m doing things rather than in the back of my mind constantly thinking about that ‘big win’. I don’t feel like I’m living a show or pretend life, I’m being fully me and not playing this ‘part’. It sounds so silly but it’s the best way I can think to describe how I’ve been feeling. 
I’m spending more time with loved ones in just the 19 days I’ve not gambled, so I’m just so excited for how amazing I can feel if this process really works for me and I stop gambling for good! 
I hope you’re doing well☺️?

So tonight I had huge urges to gamble after a rough day at work, with still having funds in my bank account after being paid a while ago it was soo easy to be tempted to start searching for online casinos I could try and get round the blocks with..but I didn’t!! I can’t express how huge of a step this was for me. 
I sat there itching to search and instead put my phone upstairs and came downstairs to do a jigsaw until it passed then came on here to read my old diaries and remind myself how far I have come and how I don’t want to go back there. 
Here’s to this hurdle being overcome and onwards and upwards with my journey as today marks 3 weeks gamble free?

So tonight I'm heading off out to a fawlty towers dining experience night with my family, so excited! 
To make things even better, I’ve been out and bought myself a new dress with my own funds. Not a credit card payment, not money that I shouldn’t be spending, but money I have earned and treated myself with rather than tapping it all away on a screen. 
I do have debts I should be paying too, which I am slowly but surely, but guys remind yourself to treat yourself on nice things you wouldn’t have in a gambling world and remember to be proud of each and every small step you take on your journey!

all the best☺️

Hi Haystack,.

Fantastic that you had the funds to treat yourself. I'm sure you'll look nice, feel good & enjoy a wonderful evening. You've spent a little bit of what you've worked hard for on yourself .&  better still the casinos haven't had a penny of your money

Keep Going & Have A Wonderful Evening

AL

@slowlearner thank you soo much! I had a fab night and even better knowing today is another day I won’t be gambling. 
I hope you’re well☺️ 
take care x

Hi Haystack,

Chuffed for you. You're almost a whole month GF. I've always said for a CG to go one day without gambling is a massive achievement. I got through day 1 quite a while ago & day 2 was awful, thinking to myself I can't do this. Then I thought to myself I got through yesterday, did I die of an asthma or heart attack or go into cardiac arrest (NO ) so why can't I get through day 2 ?.

Don't underestimate how far you've come, treating yourself to a new dress none dependent on a win or a credit card. Next month why not some shoes or a new handbag it ain't just about not gambling ( though that's vital ) but you're learning to love yourself. You know any active  CGs that don't have low self esteem issues ?, I don't.

YOU're WORTH IT & you deserve all that life brings, to reap the rewards of your hard graft. The courage to say to the casinos this life is about me not YOU & your profit margins. Financially I was right up the creek when I quit over 4 years ago & I remember someone telling me take care of the addiction & the finances will take care of themselves. How right they were.

Sincere Best Wishes

AL

@slowlearner that’s so true and also so inspiring! Thank you so much for taking the time to contribute to my journey, it means so much. 
You have done so amazing, and should be so proud of yourself! 
Im pleased to say today is another day gamble free and that’s true, I am just six days away from an entire month gamble free and the difference in my emotions is another level. I feel so present. Don’t get me wrong, some days are tough but I have this strength that makes me only want to move forwards and not back. I have spent too long going back, chasing the losses, sleepless nights wondering how I’ll pay the bills. Now my life is about moving forwards only. 
The process of taking things one day at a time is really helping me, it stops the pressure building and becomes a case like you say, of I did it yesterday and the day before, so why not today too? 
My confidence was so low, it still is especially in my work too even though I know I’m quite good at what I do. 
but today..my boss made a comment to me about how extremely well I am doing under the current pressures he has put me under and that he thinks I’m excelling which is a boost I really wasn’t expecting but am so pleased about. 
I’m hoping the debts will come down slowly but surely bit by bit. Honestly, that moment i sat down and realised if I stop chasing and stressing over the money, and focus on resolving my gambling problem the debt will fall in line too my mindset started to change. 
Thank you so much again for your kind words & inspiration? Take care xx 

Just figured I would pop on tonight and say I’m almost a whole month gamble free. Today is 29 days gamble free. 
29 days since I last tapped my money away on my phone with pointless spins. 
29 days since I made the decision enough was enough and I wanted better for myself. 
I am feeling immensely proud of myself as I feel so positive, it’s only a small amount of time but starting at the beginning is the only way to begin to beat this addiction. 
I was even able to treat myself to get my nails done for Christmas, something I’ve wanted to do for years but haven’t been able to afford it. 
I can’t wait to spend Christmas gamble free. 
I hope you are all doing well, stay strong xxx 

@haystack0915 hiya how are you managing hope your well the longest i have abstained from gambling since i started in 2006 was over 2 years you can never get complacent as the urges are always their im not has bad as i use to be since 2008-2012 was my worst i always seem to go back to it when ever i have alittle extra money ive only recently started going to Ga meetings and am actually more aware of it to be life long illness one of the triggers that gets me back in gambling id when im things happen out of my control i.e illness and a sudden death in my immedate family i use as an coping mechnism ga does help has it reminds you of the constant battle life throws at you i am greatful im not has bad as some others on here and my situation has improved buy since my last relapse i blew £750 which i could have used it on million other things instead of gambling away, i hope your in good health

@tazman stay strong, you’ve got this!

So today marks 30 days, one whole month totally gamble free and I’m so proud of myself. It feels so good to write about it. 
this morning I woke up to five gambling emails and just deleted them, this would’ve been a perfect opportunity to ‘give it a go’ and throw away all I worked for but I didn’t. I only want to go forwards with beating this addiction, never backwards. 
stay strong everyone, you’ve got this! One day at a time xxx