Brand new thread for a brand new me..

@haystack0915 What are you doing to help yourself? 
Do you have proper structure to helping yourself or is it just willpower?

Chris.

So day one comes again today, I’ve officially had enough of this horrid addiction. 
I’ve completely blocked all gambling sites, also put a block on my bank account to gambling sites so no more depositing in a stupid moment for me. 
I have credit card debt I’m so passionate to try and clear, so pushing all my motivation into that. 
this has to be it, I have to find the strength to do this for good. I know if I can battle the first month, in fact week or even day I will get stronger with each one. 
Off for a walk this morning to try and clear my head, fingers crossed I’m strong enough this time round. It’s only me who can do better, I want to and I have to and I will. 
hope you’re all doing well☺️?

Could you try a GA room? Very few people manage it on willpower alone, even with the blocks(and these are blocks that you’ve said every time that all the blocks are in place).

There’s no shame in getting help, especially with others who understand.

Chris.

Hi Chris, 

thanks for this - I know it’s sounded very repetitive lately. I feel ashamed, and so embarrassed to go publicly about this. 
I’ve been looking into online meetings and guidance which I might give a shot first. Thanks for your reply! 

@haystack0915 The point of the GA rooms though is the anonymous part. Although we do get to know each other, everyone in that room understands you and has been through, or is going through, what you are going through.

There’s no judgement, no shaming, just a proper connection with real people who get it and get you.

I’ve done some shameful mistakes in my life and all I get is support and encouragement.

Please try it. If you want to stop gambling I promise it will help.

Chris.

I am going to give it a go and find one near me, thank you! Just have to get over the embarrassment. 
Also just popped on to say that today is 5 days gamble free - I have got it this time. Only upwards & positive thoughts! 

Today marks 1 week gamble free and despite the debt, feeling really positive about this!☺️☺️

@haystack0915 Great @haystack0915.  Well done, keep up the good work.

Forum Admin

Today is 11 days gamble free, had urges but keeping busy is really helping! Hope you’re all doing good, here’s to staying strong and beating this! 
I got paid yesterday too, paid my bills and still have money left which feels amazing to be in control for once and having money left after payday! 

You sound so good, confident and positive. Getting payed and paying your bills is a massive step, please realise how strong you have  just been, and hopefully you are also realising how strong you really are.

Well Done

@lids19635 thank you so much, I’m finding strength in myself each little step just taking it day by day at the moment. 
I am aware I will come across many more hurdles in my recovery but I feel ready to face them one day at a time.

Your support means more to me than I have words for right now?

So it’s 13 days gamble free for me today, and as good as it is to keep track I also really feel like this time around it’s more about not gambling each day individually rather than a total days. It takes a lot for me to write this publicly, but I feel now is the right time so here goes. 
I guess I’m just reflecting on how I ended up here in the first place.. 

I’m a 26 year old woman, and I am a gambling addict. It still feels so strange to say out loud as I write this. When I was 18, I had my full time job and worked with a woman who was a compulsive gambler, I wasn’t really thinking about it at the time, but she was always gambling online slots on her phone at work and coming in telling me she had a big win but obviously never the losses. 
One day she was telling me about a win, and said ‘go on, just put a tenner on and see what happens’ we’ll I think we all know that I had a decent win. That’s where the downhill spiralling started for me. I have gambled increasingly getting worse ever since, but this time round I honestly feel in such a better mindset to beat this and to only see the negatives it brings to my life. No ‘big win’ is going to make me rich quick or solve my worries because even if I got that, I would only bet it away again. Followed by the anxiety and stress and regret that follows. 
13 days ago, I sat staring at myself in the mirror and honestly and truly, for the first time, considered the actual impact gambling has had on my life. How I am now in debt, which I never was before, but is manageable and I’m positive to chip away at it a bit at a time. I became so absent from my family and friends in situations where they were physically there & I even got to the point where I took money from our wedding fund to gamble away. 
For the first time in a long long time I really feel this is a turning point for me. I sit here with funds still comfortable in my bank accounts three days after being paid, a feeling I haven’t had for a very long time.  I know who gambling turned me into and I know the person I want to be, and the two don’t go together so it’s goodbye to gambling. For each new day, I will not gamble. 
thank you if you made it this far reading me waffling on. Hope you’re all doing okay, take care & stay strong xx 

@haystack0915 Congratulations on doing well so far.

I like the question “how do you eat an elephant?” One bite at a time.

Equate that to everything in life and one day at a time makes perfect sense.

Keep up the good work.

Chris.

@chris-uk - thank you so much for reading my diary & for your support. 
One day at a time seems to be working for me so that’s the route I’m sticking with. 
take care x 

We’ll I’m officially two weeks gamble free, I know it’s only such an early part of a long battle but I’m so proud because with each passing day not gambling I feel better & more present. To the point where I can open up much more. Onwards and upwards to a gamble free life??