Change in 2019

What’s the point in watching the premier league these days? The amount of in-your-face-gambling is absurd. Nothing left to sponsor... except my middle finger.

Change wrote:

Back home now. Probably go for another walk tonight and listen to the Allen Carr audiobook. Trying my best to beat this and dedicate time to recovery.

Hi Change,
I have the book and it is a life changer. I actually thinking of downloading the book and listen while walking to.
It's a eye opener.
Good luck.
Bella xx

Just about to head out now Bella - thanks thanks for your post.

Link to audiobook only £3.99

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/audiobook/the-easy-way-to-stop-gambling-unabridged/id774667945

Hello Old Buddy :)).

Not pleased to still see you struggling after all this time mate and I feel your pain x .

Silly question but do you know or have you thought about why you keep going back and reapeating the cycle ? , I know it's different for all of us on here but I think we generally have a good idea what lies beneath so to speak ? .

Is it for financial gain to improve your life and that of your family ? Running away from thoughts about thing's that have happened in your life or maybe just plain old boredom and excitement ? , Ignore this post if you feel I'm being too intrusive buddy I won't take offence but in my experience there's usually something that won't allow us to walk away for good ?.

Do you still cling to the belief that one day you'll clean up ? I don't know what your choice of poison is these day's but believe it used to be spread betting a few years ago ? , apologies in advance if I'm wrong but I suppose deep down it doesn't matter what we choose to to gamble on just the fact that after spells of abstinance you still keep doing it .

Maybe you have to go back to grass root's this time ? , to treat your recovery with respect and do everything you can to stop yourself from placing that first bet again , block's and I mean good blocks not half hearted ones , the ability to finance gambling in secret which bring's me to the question " Does your wife know this is still going on " ? and if not can you tell her?

I don't want to come accross as " Preachy " mate god knows that's the last thing you need and one that I'm not in a position to do but it's all about the simple thing's sometimes and as what youv'e done so far is clearly not working maybe you need to think outside the box this time and seek more help ? Maybe face to face stuff or GA if you haven't gone down that route yet ? .

I know your feeling pretty sheeite at the moment and trust me I've been there but whilst wanting to hide beneath a duvet and not come out help's you to feel comforted it will do nothing to make you start fixing yourself .

What you desire is not impossible to have buddy and speaking from experience it requires a fair bit of effort but as alway's in life you'll reap what you sow .

I didn't stop till I was in my fifties after many attempts at quitting and my biggest regret is not stopping sooner but the thing that probably made me stay stopped this time is that it's the last chance for me as I was really running out of time , it would give me no greater pleasure buddy than to see you stop now before you get to that part of your life where I am now regretting lost time that I and you if you continue down this path can never replace .

The money although it would have been usefull now means nothing to me other than to give me more choices what I choose to spend it on but for me the time lost is the real cross to bear .

Excuse the pun but for you "Change can be great " and it can be very worthwhile and every moment that you bring that stopping for good date forward will I'm sure bring you much more in the future :)).

Whatever it is Change that's holding you back from commiting to this , then just let it go , admit it has you beaten and don't be miserable that it has beat you , instead understand that by admiting defeat it will release you from it's clutches once and for all .

:)) Just read that back and it does sound like I'm preaching mate so apologies , I know you know the score by now and it's all stuff youv'e probably heard before and maybe I've just juggled up some previous post's ??............ But I really hope it helps you to find your feet again and become who you really want to be :)) .

Talk soon mate x

Thanks Al for the post - I know you’ve put a lot of time and effort into it.

I’m not really sure why I continue to gamble. The only thing that repeats in my mind is I want to get even with the bookies and win my money back. Stupid but that’s the only real reason I can think.

I’m definitely trying some new things this time. Focusing more on recovery. I’ve spoken to my wife about this relapse. I’ve spoken to my best mates about this relapse. I’ve kept all other relapses to myself.

I’m transferring my money to my wife each month now. I don’t want the stress of managing the family finances. Neither does my wife but she knows it’s for the best.

I’m struggling to kick this but three full years of trying is too much. I need to stop it now.

I'm glad you said that about the " Revenge " as I truly believe as a gambler we really do hate to lose and that's what keep's us going back for more . It's truly a shame we don't follow the mantra " It's not about the winning it's the taking part " but even that wouldn't work for us would it Bud :)) .

You know the way to truly get revenge is to stop right ? , only then will it no longer have a hold or power over you .

As you know there are no poor bookies out there only skint punters :((

PS ........If you got even with the bookies , would it stop there ? Or would you want more revenge and not be happy till you had your revenge on every bookie in the land ? . Nice idea but not going to happen is it mate :((.

That's addiction talking my brother !!.

Yeah you’re spot on. Revenge is possible only through no longer gifting them money.

Moving on up as the m people said... Day 4. Commute done and on to daily work.

Good work @Change. Heather Small could belt out a tune.

I’m on Day 4 also so in a similar position to you 🙂

Remain positive and enjoy your day.

Cheers CJ. Working my way through the day. Chatted to a fellow ‘recoverist’ on another chat board whilst eating my lunch. So many people’s lives negatively affected by gambling... it’s a real shame.

Yeah it saddens me that we get ourselves in such a state and mess. It’s so easy to get trapped in the world of a bet here and there then you chase.

It becomes like a secret that we keep hold to ourselves and then it implodes ten fold. Luckily I have people in my life who understand or try to understand. Others seem isolated and stuck.

I just read your diary CJ! Some really honest and genuine insight. I can see your really focusing this time. I feel the same too. I also find going for walks is a good way to focus my mind, break the habit of a typical night etc and it allows me to listen to the Allen Carr audiobook. Keep the faith my friend. We’re both on 4 days. If we both get to December gamble free I’ll come and buy you a pint to celebrate. I did this with Oldham back in the day and he made it to December but unfortunate a failed him. He’s sitting on over 1,000 days now! One of those sliding doors moments where I made the wrong choice and wish I could go back.

Just listening to the Iain Lee podcast. He was a C*****e addict and talks about his troubles as well as run a phone-in. Thank goodness I was never into any drugs.

In a recent episode he talks about a podcast by Stephen Tobolowsky who in turn talks about his addiction. There is a passage which is so similar to the feelings of gambling addiction I wanted to share it.

“During those years I left like it was never enough to feel great about your life.

There wasn’t anything beautiful enough or inspiring enough. There was never a success that was satisfying enough that didn’t call for some sort of augmentation from the chemical world.

Taking drugs is one of the highest forms of selfishness. It only wears the clothes of celebration... but at its heart it separates, it isolates, it is a thief.

It steals you from you.

Right before David arrived I ran to my room and took a little hit of C*****e and I began to feel it’s numbing effect combined with what seemed to be the energy of a train jumping from its tracks.

But it wasn’t real energy it was borrowed from my future life and would have to be repaid... with interest.”

I can break down each of those sections and see the similarities. The last few lines... “But it wasn’t real energy it was borrowed from my future life and would have to be repaid... with interest.” That is so profound. Each time I gambled I was borrowing from my future self and I now have to pay it back with interest.

So true change but the key element is that once stopped you do repay it but it doesn't mean it's paid back in one lump sum does it ? , each day you remain gamble free means that your gifted the ability to compensate those around you with love , kindness and just being there and that's all anyone can give mate .

Thank's for the share :))