ALN,
i do not understand what excuses you are referring to? everything i have stated is factual and from the heart. I cannot forget the loss, how can i? any tips gladly welcome. I am doing what i can to avoid thinking about it, not looking at my bank being the main one. I have drawn a line under the gambling to get it back, and that was the early hours of Wednesday morning, enough was enough. I didn't spend the savings my partner knows about, just accepted i had spent every other penny!
I am learning by the day so perhaps so, i have my reasons for not telling my partner all of which have been outlined on a couple of separate occasions. Perhaps another reason i do not want to is because everything is 'as it always has been' to her. Who knows.
Hand on heart no excuses are being made and i have not gambled, i am just finding aspects of this journey difficult, and the left road is the one i have one foot firmly planted on.
Have you self excluded with b****5 ?
have you registered with GAMSTOP ?
Have you attended a GA meeting yet ?
Mate I wasn’t having a go, just responding to what you put.
its easily solved for you, sign up to Gamstop and all accounts will be locked out for 5 years, job done, do it today it takes 5 mins if that, they do it for you.
then you will be on the road pal, I get while you don’t tell ya partner, I’m in the same boat, I know how hard that is mate.good luck
Have you attended a GA meeting yet ?
nope. The thought of it is daunting, let alone having to tell my partner I am going out and can’t tell her where.
Have you self excluded with b****5 ?
have you registered with GAMSTOP ?
I will have on Sunday. The account is blocked anyway so cannot use it on any level. Just waiting for the unsettled bet to be settled then I shall close it permanently.
Not registered with GamStop yet. I have got the bank to put a permanent block on all my accounts for gambling transactions though (not just the in app option) so I cannot open an account anywhere and deposit even if I tried to.
You had plenty of nights out at Casinos but you can’t spend 2 hours going to GA ?
Practically everyone advises you to register with GAMSTOP (it takes about 10 minutes) but you haven’t done so.
You are advised to be open with your partner and hand over your finances but seem reluctant to do so.
You are advised to be ruthlessly honest with yourself but you say that losing £300k over 7 years hasn’t had any negative impact on your partner.
Have I got this right ?
What ALN said is all that needs to be said.
the only thing I would add is i can’t remember having an account that didn’t have the 5 year exclusion option, and use GAMBAN on ALL your devices (and your wife’s) in conjunction with GAMSTOP.
Then self exclude from Casinos (again 5 years). Do the same for bookmakers.
Do you know what I don't think in all my time on here I've ever seen someone hounded in the way you have been tonight 8*8 and apologise for that .
This forum used to be a place first and foremost as a refuge from what gambling has done to you , a place where you could talk about your problems and share and the main point being a place of support and non judgement and I really don't see much about you and your choices not being judged tonight .
You've only been here a couple of day's buddy after making a huge decision to open up about your problem and that in itself is difficult enough ( so well done for that alone ) .
If at the moment you just want to stop gambling and think you can do that without blocks GA or anything else that's been mentioned then in my humble opinion that's what you should do , I understand you not wanting to tell your partner and why you won't and again rightly or wrongly that's your decision ( there are many on her who have done the same ) .
If during the coming day's or weeks you can't stop gambling and go back then of course you'll need to try another way until you find what's right for you , and then you should consider the alternatives that have been laid before you tonight .
Were all addicts on here with the same set of symptoms and how you choose to treat yours is entirely down to you as it was with me .
The good intention is there from everyone who's offered advice but the way it's being rammed down your throat is so wrong .
I really hope admin pick up on this as a way not to treat a new member as we've all been where you are once !!
Wishing you well buddy and I hope you stick around .
I don’t know what to add really that kind of money is extreme, but one mans pennies is another mans pounds. Seems like they’re offering you a cooling off period instead of a full exclusion, you can ask for a lifetime ban.
If you don’t tell your wife you’ll live a life of dread of knowing one day they’ll find out that’ll play heavy on your conscious. They always find out in the end. The f@f section is awash with those who found out the hard way have a read.
there is no magic pill to quitting gambling, just hard work and determination
theres no point worrying about the money you’ve lost either it’s gone, move on and move forward.
Aln I can’t see what your last post adds to the subject other than trying to force an argument or belittle other posters? Why are you so angry? You can only talk from experience as can anyone else, it doesn’t mean anyone’s word should be taken as gospel. Different things work for different people. Don’t get offended if people have different views from yourself. Asking for people to be banned because they don’t meet your views it’s utterly ridiculous.
I’m not saying it’s ok to bully people aln all I can go off is this thread and it’s becoming t*t for tat, the guy has asked for help and has 3 pages of squabbling, if someone walked in your ga meeting and was meet by all this nonsense do you think they’d be likely to come back the following week? First impressions count.
With the greatest of respect to you and Alan all I’ve seen in the last few days is two adults going toe to toe over mindless rubbish, it’s almost like a point scoring competition. You’ve got a wealth of knowledge between you and both articulate very well, yet you seem to waste it on winding each other up? There’s people on here who need both sides of the coin so there’s a place for everyone. I don’t post much these days as although the forum has a positive side it also has its negative side, you can end up spending more time here than actually enjoying the fruits of recovery in 3D
Do you know what I don't think in all my time on here I've ever seen someone hounded in the way you have been tonight 8*8 and apologise for that .
This forum used to be a place first and foremost as a refuge from what gambling has done to you , a place where you could talk about your problems and share and the main point being a place of support and non judgement and I really don't see much about you and your choices not being judged tonight .
You've only been here a couple of day's buddy after making a huge decision to open up about your problem and that in itself is difficult enough ( so well done for that alone ) .
Cheers A9 - Have refrained from posting until today, despite reading all the responses, some of which have left me wondering why i even ended up here, but i will wisely choose your comment to quote as a bit of positivity is key.
In summary, everyone is obviously different, the world would be a boring place if we were clones of one another. I came here for advice, for assistance in my personal circumstances and most importantly of all, a place to unload everything i have to say with nobody close to confide in.
Amongst some good advice, it appears that 'tough love advice' wins every time, but i am not a fan of having generic instructions rammed down my throat, judgemental comments, belittling comments and all round negativity, i don't see many reasons why i should bother with this platform moving forward if they are the responses i am going to get.
Perhaps i thought people could resonate with my decisions, not telling my partner being the main one, and maybe share some coping mechanisms for the insatiable level of guilt i am experiencing, coupled with the self shame of what i have done.
I thought we were all in this together regardless of circumstances? I thought this was a place to air your problems and not get any judgemental responses? I thought this would be of great assistance to me and my recovery?
Anyway, DAY 5 GF. All accounts are now closed after the historic unsettled bet now being settled.
Feeling pretty low all considered, and that i need a bit of excitement from somewhere, but no urge to gamble, especially as mentally i know i have no capacity to (accounts closed, gambling transactions blocked from all bank accounts).
There’s people on here who need both sides of the coin so there’s a place for everyone. I don’t post much these days as although the forum has a positive side it also has its negative side, you can end up spending more time here than actually enjoying the fruits of recovery in 3D
Deano - glad this has been picked up on. Both sides of the coin being the key point here for me.
Like i have just stated, if there are a set of generic instructions with a one size fits all approach then this forum isnt really a forum to discuss is it. Feel like because i have deviated off the recommended path (by not telling my partner or family) i am the bad guy! Not really the 'support' i was looking for to be honest.
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