Day 1.

Day 63...

9 weeks no gambling...

Day 65

My girlfriend said "can I ask you something, you're not gambling again are you"? I basically told her not for 65 days, she even asked how much I lost, she also asked if it was a lot. Yes it was a lot, but I'm not comfortable talking about amounts. I hate when she asks too many questions, or tells me what I'm thinking, or tells me what my triggers are. Anyway, I told her being as she asked...

Day has been ok, I was in town and thought I could forget my gym session and have a bet. I didn't bet, I just bought my shopping and went for a workout. I'm not feeling weak, I just think after a while of not gambling, that I could afford to lose or play a little bet, and then have another period without betting.

In reality, I know that I can't have a bet, even if I try to rationalise it. Here's to another 65 days and more money saved for my retirement, that's my focus...don't mess it up.

Very proud of you Paul, because you are soooo very right, we an not rationalise any form of gambling, even though our thoughts tell us otherwise,

Rooting you all the way

Suzanne xxx

Thank you suzanne 😉

I had another gambling dream last night, where I won money...but the first thing that came to mind was the challenge. I thought I had to start the whole thing off again from day one. But no, I have made day 67 and I really appreciate your lovely comment Suzanne.

Please stay strong, the dreams are The gambling devil trying to break you again. I am 34 days in of none gambling and also experiencing the boredom, I am thinking of going to the gym this afternoon after reading your post, as you are correct, fit body fit mind

Yeah hit the gym dave, it really helps me at the moment. I think if you feel good about the outside, the inside becomes happier. Work The body harder and your will gets stronger. It's all mind over matter....

Thanks guys

Day 68...

Well, things are okay. A bit bored of my work at the moment, so I'm thinking of a change of career and I'm not sure what? I thought things were cool with personal training, but to be honest I'm not so sure. Things seem a bit stale, I dont Have a great deal of confidence and it's very easy to get stuck in a rut, writing programmes and being limited by the equipment.

Maybe I need to get another job, with a new company and, who knows maybe I will be happier. Really annoyed too as I wrote a routine for a friend, only for her to go off and use someone else's programme, doesn't really help with my confidence, and enthusiasm. I see myself getting more bored, not necessarily enough to gamble, but I think it's time for a new challenge...

Day 71...

Mid life crisis or what?

I am frustrated by life, it's not fun anymore and I really can't be bothered with the mundane, boring life I have created.

I am in a position where I feel vulnerable. I could gamble just to get back a sense of normality, I don't know what to do?

My biggest problem is the lack of fulfillment in my life. When I was younger I had imagination and ambition, but this is all in the past, I am really upset that I made the wrong decisions with education. I went to college with the aim of being an animator, around 20 years ago. There was hope, I thought I was going to do so well and even had some minute interest from companies that liked my work.

Fast forward to a shambolic course at university, with limited resources and any number of excuses not to go anywhere. I now work in a gym, wondering what could have been. My friend off the same uni course is doing so well, and to be honest I'm jealous as he is an animator and works in the games industry.

What the heck do I do? I'm lost and really have no clue what I should do with my life and I'm 36. Days are long and boring, so I literally sit around playing computer games in my spare time as it's a similar escape to gambling, and equally as unproductive.

My options, do a part time animation course if only for the buzz and positive step towards being creative again. Buy a brand new pc and start creating stuff again. My only issue is, I get bored of everything and worry that I'll buy the pc only to lose interest, get depressed and just end up in limbo, with the same question...what was I born to do?

If anyone has any advice it would help me, do I try to get back my creative streak or do I stay in my current job while looking for something else. I want progression, I feel like I'm getting somewhere with the gambling despite the urges and how simple it would be to gamble, except I know this isn't the answer.

Thanks

What an emotional day.

I spoke to my colleague at work today, as we were on the subject of being reckless with money. In a right or wrong move, I told her about my addiction, and I just welled up but tried not to show it.

I told her about my plans to get creative again, or maybe even a change of career. You know, I still can't decide what I'm going to do. It just felt great to tell someone about my struggle, and to get an outside opinion. I picked up some drawing pencils and an eraser, gym at five but I'm pretty tired, didn't sleep well. The plan, train later, pick up the pens and paper and draw...

Trying to plant the seed of creativity, hopefully I can find it.

Ok....I'm not sure this is the RIGHT decision. I am really considering doing an animation course, or getting the creative flow back. Do I buy a high end PC, with the chance I lose interest. Or, do I just get the pc and just do it, I'm sure if I spend the money I will get back in to designing, animating.

Been doing lots of reflecting this week, I have a degree in multimedia, but have done nothing with it, what a waste.

Some serious thinking to do...

Day 76...

One more day and 11 weeks without a bet, it's great not to be gambling.

Started the drawing practice again, very rust though. Got my eye on a new pc and looking forward to being creative again. Going to spend some time looking at a course on Sunday, so things seem to be moving in the right direction. Honestly, without help from the forum, forum members and the 205 challenge, I don't know where I'd be now.

Thanks...

Day 77...

Well, the urges are decreasing by the day, I don't think about it anymore. I think it was so difficult in the early stages, but now I'm in a good routine. Back training in the gym with a friend I used to train with, it's great motivation for me.

Finally spoken to my friend about building my own posts, it's really the best option considering I want to get creative again. I'm hoping I stay on a high, as the lows are more likely to encourage me to gamble.

Welcome to week 12 🙂

I would say don't jack in your job just yet, wait until you have something lined up to pay the bills! Have a look as you planned to do today & get creative! You say you lack ambition but sounds to me like you have a dream 🙂 @ the moment, the furthest I can see is waking up & not feeling tired (& that's from someone getting married later this year)! The same as only you can gift yourself recovery, only you can work @ making those dreams come true!

Reach for those stars Paul - ODAAT

Thanks ODDAT....yes on day at a time, as your name suggests 🙂 hope you're doing well mate...

Day 80...had an okay day. Really not had any time to draw, or to be creative. I'm finishing work too late, might need to get up earlier to fit in the creative stuff. I had an email from an online casino, wasn't the slightest bit interested, thank you very much 🙂